Its the same scene again.
Where I watch while you walk further and further away. I can't see if you're crying or not but you keep walking, till you're out of sight and then darkness. Total and complete darkness. And when I wake again, there's a hole in my chest and this unexplained intolerable pain. I try to speak but no words come out, not even sounds.
And there's absolutely no one around. And I start to realise, I'm completely alone.
Why the fuck is this going on.
{ fin }
I think I've always wanted friendships that warms my heart. The kind that I can talk to and not feel frustrated at all. A group that I can just be myself and not keep feeling like I'm the odd one out.
I don't know how I survive for so long being this way. People think I'm this person who's a social butterfly. I'm not. I'm socially awkward, I don't know how to start conversations and continue conversations. But I think most of all, I always feel like I don't fit in. Somehow in some sort of cosmic worldly equation I manage to find myself as the odd number, the one number that sticks out. I don't think I'll ever find a place in the world where I'd feel like I completely belong but its okay.
I think it makes me who I am. Makes me okay with being alone, staring at the sky or the ground, having internal conversations in my mind. I'm not saying I like it because it makes human interactions difficult for me, it makes having relationships hard for me. Most times I can't put into words what I'm feeling or I just cannot explain to anyone else what I'm thinking or feeling and that just fucks up alot of my life.
Okay, I think I just really wonder why I never belong anywhere but by myself. Haha Can't help that I'm weird.
Enough ranting (:
Should start creating again.
{ fin }
To think I almost gave up on this.
I'm always happy when he's around. So how could I ever give this up? (: I'm gonna enjoy myself for now.
{ fin }
Because everyone leaves in the end. I believe I'm the hardest person for anyone to be with.
{ fin }
This is a horrible feeling. And what feeling is this? Its called feeling completely alone, like there's no one who knows me. Like I could just fade away and it wouldn't matter.
I need to disappear, vanish. Or die.
{ fin }
Oh, watch as I tumble down into the inferno of burning flames.
Watch as I shut the doors to just about every opportunity I had. Watch as I hold the syringe and squeeze the poison into my arm.
Pretty sure its gonna be another sleepless night.
Destiny, Melancholy.
{ fin }
Nightmare after fucking nightmare. Waking up in tears isn't as interesting as it sounds. Fantastic.
{ fin }