FACADES, SAY SO

2012-02-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

So what? Is it too demanding to ask for the very person who loves me enough to put up with my friends? Is it too much to ask of someone who might be my life partner to just be there because I want him there? Like its easy for me to actually sit around while his friends talk and smoke and all but I don't mind because I love being around him, being with him. Meeting the people who he hangs out with, meeting the people who make him who he is. Who brings out another side of him. I wanna know if I'm asking too much. Is it? Are my friends that horrid? Am I not enough?Ugh, melancholy, fine. You win. You fucking win.

Fear.

2012-02-23T00:26:00.001+08:00

I think there’s things about this relationship I’ll never let go.And I know that if it ever ends, I’ll never be able to watch movies without thinking of him. Never be able to see motorbikes go by and not think of him. Never be able to sleep without thinking about his leather jacket.Haha, okay morbid. But seriously, so bloody many memories. I think I’m just worried. We’ve created so many happy memories together, I’m just afraid because its like creating more tangled webs that connects me to him and if anything goes wrong and we go separate ways I’m just gonna die from all these happy moments.Ahhh, omg. Midnight melancholy TSK.

2012-02-19T22:52:00.001+08:00

I had to blog about this.

Going out with Shaiz and his family was pretty awesome (: Haha,we went to watch Ghost Rider at Lot 1 and then took a car ride to West Coast Ayer Rajah Coffee Shop to eat indian food where we talked about things and they laughed at how I couldn't finish my food. How his brother was okay with me being his playmate hahaha. Then a car ride home where they sent me all the way to my block and asked Shaiz to walk me to the lift (: Haha, its like a new family. And its not even awkward! Its like I've known them forever haha.

Yes, I love that his family doesn't mind me tagging along. Hahah :D

2012-02-08T00:29:00.001+08:00

Seriously, my heart is hurting watch season 3 of The L Word again. Dana dying and all of them being together. Ugh. All this feelings I cannot handle. Plus, I miss Shaiz. So very much. 3 more days till I see him again.

2012-02-05T01:51:00.001+08:00

Thinking about the whole marriage thing again. Fucked up. It's not that I wanna get married soon, its just the probability of it happening some day in the future and then realising that hey, there's no way its gonna happen so we're just living in a delusion right now. Fuck, I should be asleep. Haha awesome.

2012-02-03T00:16:00.001+08:00

Its the same scene again.

Where I watch while you walk further and further away. I can't see if you're crying or not but you keep walking, till you're out of sight and then darkness. Total and complete darkness. And when I wake again, there's a hole in my chest and this unexplained intolerable pain. I try to speak but no words come out, not even sounds.

And there's absolutely no one around. And I start to realise, I'm completely alone.

Why the fuck is this going on.

Mmm.

2012-02-01T23:25:00.001+08:00

I think I've always wanted friendships that warms my heart. The kind that I can talk to and not feel frustrated at all. A group that I can just be myself and not keep feeling like I'm the odd one out.

I don't know how I survive for so long being this way. People think I'm this person who's a social butterfly. I'm not. I'm socially awkward, I don't know how to start conversations and continue conversations. But I think most of all, I always feel like I don't fit in. Somehow in some sort of cosmic worldly equation I manage to find myself as the odd number, the one number that sticks out. I don't think I'll ever find a place in the world where I'd feel like I completely belong but its okay.

I think it makes me who I am. Makes me okay with being alone, staring at the sky or the ground, having internal conversations in my mind. I'm not saying I like it because it makes human interactions difficult for me, it makes having relationships hard for me. Most times I can't put into words what I'm feeling or I just cannot explain to anyone else what I'm thinking or feeling and that just fucks up alot of my life.

Okay, I think I just really wonder why I never belong anywhere but by myself. Haha Can't help that I'm weird.
Enough ranting (:

Should start creating again.

2012-01-26T00:24:00.001+08:00

To think I almost gave up on this.

I'm always happy when he's around. So how could I ever give this up? (: I'm gonna enjoy myself for now.

2012-01-24T18:33:00.002+08:00

Because everyone leaves in the end. I believe I'm the hardest person for anyone to be with.

2012-01-24T14:59:00.002+08:00

This is a horrible feeling. And what feeling is this? Its called feeling completely alone, like there's no one who knows me. Like I could just fade away and it wouldn't matter.

I need to disappear, vanish. Or die.

2012-01-24T00:14:00.001+08:00

Oh, watch as I tumble down into the inferno of burning flames.

Watch as I shut the doors to just about every opportunity I had. Watch as I hold the syringe and squeeze the poison into my arm.

Pretty sure its gonna be another sleepless night.

Destiny, Melancholy.

2012-01-23T02:56:00.002+08:00

Nightmare after fucking nightmare. Waking up in tears isn't as interesting as it sounds. Fantastic.

Planted seed

2012-01-23T01:39:00.003+08:00

The seed is growing. Tired already but don't feel like sleeping. At some point, I need to figure this out in my mind. The night is not doing me any good l: and tomorrow would be another awkward day. Heheh awesome stuff. I just don't know how anyone can be as socially awkward as me. I'm pretty sure I have some social disorder. Lol. Okay, more tomorrow if I'm eternally bored. In the meantime, don't let me get me.

2012-01-15T23:19:00.001+08:00

Seeing my friends getting engaged to their boyfriends makes me feel sad.

Not that I'm not happy for them or not happy with Shaiz right now but seriously, we're nowhere near being engaged and we are definitely not going to get engaged without either one of us loses all contact with the family.

Also, seeing my cousin bring her boyfriend every single family occasion makes me enraged at my own family. And also gets me so freaking upset.

I mean, he's a great guy and all but I just hate how every single person in the family assumes that he'll come for all the family gatherings, just takes him in as a part of the family. And my parents? They assume that he'll come to our house if she's coming and they welcome him with open arms. While my boyfriend? They don't welcome him into the house. They don't even care to talk to him and find out what kind of boy he is.

And all these is really upsetting me right now. I'm finally fucking happy with life and finally find a person who treats me right, who loves me with all his heart and I can't even be completely happy. And my family, well they call him my friend. Well, I hate it. Sometimes I really do ask myself why he has to be in a different religion. Why he has to be of a different race. Why am I in this relationship? Because honestly, there's hardly anything I can do about it and marriage/engagement is completely out of the question. I should just up and leave right now but I've already invested so much. And he really makes me so so happy.

So I continue knowing that the day will come when everything will just come to a standstill. A crossroad that'll leave both of us torn and completely fucked.

I want this to not exist but it does and one day, it'll all come true. Trust me, it will.

Oops.

2012-01-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

Haha, so realised my mistake.

Howl by Allen Ginsburg. Not Carl Simon or Carl Solomon. HAHA

Anyway, feeling superbly happy with my 6 month long relationship (: Awesome stuff hehe. He's just freaking amazing and so much of my life the past 6 months have been good because of him. All the memories and crazy things we do, it'll mean something to me always.

Books!

2012-01-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

So Catcher in the Rye, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close bought. Together with Howl by Carl Simons. Watching Howl the movie converted me. Hearing it read out loud was breath-taking and thought invoking.

So yes, books bought! $56 hehe. AWESOME SHIZZZ.

Anyway, so plans with the boy to go swimming and I finally found my outfit for a special celebration hehehe. Think its pretty awesome. Its like becoming one with myself. If I had overalls it would've been more awesome but still, pretty fabulous :D

Okay, so might be meeting the boy tomorrow (:

So much positivity! Let tomorrow be awesome.

Learning!

2012-01-04T23:33:00.001+08:00

Today I've recapped my Primary 6 Science and Mathematics. I am awesome (: Feeling pretty good about almost everything besides health.

Plus, looking through all the books on Kinokuniya's website, I WANNA BUY ALLOFIT! But no, $100 max. No more, no less. I will stick to this or die.

Well, 2 books I'm getting for sure is Never Let Me Go and Catcher in The Rye (:

(:

2012-01-02T21:23:00.001+08:00

Feeling super happy. Its nice I guess that people now invite us as a couple. LOL.

Oh yes, 6 months coming soon :D

Would really like to go on a holiday with himmmm.

2011 (:

2011-12-29T23:43:00.001+08:00

Okay, so I will not be having any time at all to actually get this recap of 2011 done before the new year begins. So here I am to do it now. 2011 has been a roller coaster ride, really. Okay, month by month with only words.

January 2011

J.
Struggling with my spiritual life and school.
At a point where I realised I had zero amount of motivation and I tend to give up on things halfway.

February 2011

J.
Decided that J and I are impossible.
Met Weiliang aka Stranger.
Jim Sturgess!
GRADUATION!
Started drinking quite a bit.
The Civil Wars (:
Yes, Valentine's day spent in school dressed up as a man :D

March 2011

GRADUATION CEREMONY.
'Eh, go take picture with Shaiz! I want my friends to be friends as well.' - Lanze Lau Jun Wei.
Became super close to Weiliang.
Trouble with parents.
Friend-zoning both J and Weiliang.
GREEN OR BLUE.
HEY ROSETTA!
I was looking for someone special because I was lonely but that was the wrong reasons.
So ended up not looking anymore.

April 2011

Drowning myself in music
MUMFORD & SONS
DEVENDRA BANHART
JEREMY MESSERSMITH
JASON MRAZ
HEY ROSETTA!, etc etc...
Got the job at Yishun.
Thought it was a blessing in disguise.

May 2011

WORK
Finalising Vietnam trip.
Many plans with Weiliang.
HAHA LOLS MAY IS BORING.
EWAN MCGREGOR :D

June 2011

VIETNAMMMM!
SHAIZZZZ
Movie dates :D

July 2011

Pissed off at work.
Super pissed.
Thoughts of quitting.
13th July 2011!
Fights with parents
Awesome boyfriend.

August 2011

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO ME! :D
Awesome celebration but the boy in NS ):
Tough month adjusting to not seeing/hearing from the boy daily.
Hating the job to the core.
Loads of shit work.
Thoughts of quitting.

September 2011

JASON MRAZ CRAZE. (In every month actually but this month more than usual).
Meeting up with friends to get away from family & catch up.
Decision to quit this bloody fucking job. BEST. DECISION. EVER.
Awesome weekends with the boy (:

October 2011

Last month of work @ Yishun
Still giving me loads of shit.
First fight
POP!
Meet the parents and they liked me :D
Viral infection - vomittingggg.
Tickets to flyer!
Kick ass boyfriend
ROBOT TATTOO

November 2011

NEW JOB!
Camping with the boy (:
Super busy with work but super happy!
Falling in love over and over again with the boy, indie music and Jason Mraz <3

December 2011

Awesome job, awesome kids.
Christmas!
Christmas with the boy, sleeping in cinema.
Countdown to the new yr with the boy (:
Super thankful for amazing friends, amazing boyfriend, understanding family, awesome colleagues and kids. Kick ass music.

So in all, this has been a pretty eventful year and I feel truly blessed to have all of the above-mentioned events happen to me. Looking forward to a very very happy and awesome 2012! :D

Love,

Baby (:

2011-12-26T22:44:00.000+08:00

First time going to Shaiz's house today. Super nice house! And he's seriously living in luxury. Huge bed, tv with cable in the room. Nice black walls. Awesome stuff (:

Anyway, it's been a good weekend. No quarrels with the family, no disagreements with Shaiz and all round happiness besides me being sick.

Watched Sherlock Holmes at 3.20am Christmas Day. Fell asleep halfway, woke up and till now I have no idea what its about. HAHA. New Year's is coming!! :D Gonna spend it with the family.

I think its been such a long long time since I've felt this contented. I'm happy with every aspect of life besides my health. HAHA, it is pretty awesome to have such an amazing boy to be with me. It isn't easy, I'm not easy to love. And our circumstances make it even worse, with him being in the army and all. So little time to spend with one another but we're still hanging in there, still going strong. So 6 months soon, and I am just so so happy with him (:

I love you :D

2011-12-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

So sick for almost a week now but I think I'm getting better.

I think I could listen to my boy's voice till I fall asleep haha (: Always look forward to the end of the day where I get to talk to him.

I love you baby (:

Love (:

2011-12-18T22:36:00.001+08:00

I love my boy (: So very much.

I won't lie. I feel apprehensive about making plans now because of our big fight. I'm afraid to make plans and then if they don't work out we're gonna end up completely back to square one. But I guess its not gonna make it any better if I just stop planning things for us.

And just a note to myself: Please open up my mouth and speak up before you lose everything.

Okay. 'Nuff said.

2011-12-18T00:51:00.002+08:00

Amazing (:

Me and my stupid mouth. All I had to say was I don't feel like going home and we were fine again.

2011-12-16T23:39:00.000+08:00

Today's the first time in this whole relationship where my negative feelings get in the way of me just going along with the flow.

I'm sorry but I can't stop my brain from working and it didn't stop. Not even the apologies and the nice words did anything to change it. And I really could have sworn that meeting him would make everything better.

I'm afraid. Afraid that my brain fucked things up. I just have a million thoughts running through my mind when I saw him tonight. I know without a doubt that I love him but something's not right and I think I know what it is. I feel like if I say anything this whole nice amazing relationship would turn out to be a facade, a smoke screen I made for myself.

And all these thoughts, I don't know how to even explain it to anyone. Its killing me. These thoughts are wearing me out, pulling me down. Drowning me. And once again, I'm watching myself sink. Watching myself ruin the one thing that I had full faith in.

Tell me how fucked up I am.

2011-12-15T23:26:00.001+08:00

Every wrong move costs me a little bit more than I can manage.
With every step I take, I take a little more damage.
And its come to a point where I feel disadvantaged.
What's more important? Which should I salvage.

As broken pieces shatter further,
With this heart growing colder.
With all these fears that grow stronger
I walk a line of enemies and strangers.

2011-12-12T22:37:00.001+08:00

My heart - like a pirate that has found treasure.
My heart - like a puzzle with no missing pieces.

And I thought I'd never feel my heart truly smile ever again but tomorrow marks 5 months of being in a committed relationship, of being with a truly amazing person.

& I will hold on hope (:

2011-12-11T22:50:00.001+08:00

Tired of these battles.

You never knew me. You don't know my thoughts - what goes on in my mind. You don't know what makes me happy. All you do is put me down with your words, with your actions.

I love you but you need to stop before I leave.

Fucked up that I can't even rely on my own family.

2011-12-11T00:40:00.002+08:00

This is the boy who's been making me a very very happy girl (:

2011-12-08T23:42:00.003+08:00

Haha, no words to describe how much I love him (:

13th January 2012 is going to be amazing. 2nd social night but this time should be way different from the first one.

Dress shopping anyone? :D

Ultimate Revival

2011-12-08T22:41:00.003+08:00

Hello to anyone who's still actually reading this, which I believe is hardly anyone.

This space has held so many memories of my life and now I believe its time to come full circle.

Shifted

2010-01-05T22:28:00.003+08:00

THE DREAMER'S SHIFTED AWAY(:

Love always,

Marianne :D

Girls :D

2010-01-04T22:08:00.003+08:00

Today's the first day back at school and what can I say? Its been amazing :D

I guess my class girls really do make me feel happy :D So thanks girls (: From HO4 girls to Nisha, Sarali and of course my dearest nehneh! :D

We had to draw lines non stop today. Internship briefing was weird because the dude spoke in weird english man. XD

"I laughted..." LOL.

Anyway, like I said. My girls make my day :D

& friendships make me smile (:

RECAPPING 2009!

2010-01-02T19:02:00.005+08:00

HAPPY 2010! I know I'm kinda late but ah well. There's so much to do.

So I'm going to recap 2009 right now since its kind of been an interesting year.

January 2009: Test of friendships, brief encounter with an ex, renewing of love for Jason Mraz

Febuary 2009: More tests in friendship, eyecandied a gay dude, embraced who I am, spent 18th Valentine's day single, new hair style, (BEST ONE) started writing songs

March 2009: JASON MRAZ CONCERT!!!!!!!, new bag, DYTD!, new phone, new songs written

April 2009: Friendship tests, more jason, more DYTD, metric!, meetups, new songs written

May 2009: More friendship tests, NEW SONGS WRITTEN!, brief almost encounter with liking someone, CYA <3

June 2009: WAN WAN WAN, SIEWYI SIEWYI SIEWYI, Tegan and Sara, found my acoustic guitar for life, new songs written

July 2009: KHAIRUL HAKIM!, serious blogging, new songs written

August 2009: Double Bass, ERIC HUTCHINSON, 19th birthday :D, Jason Mraz, CYA and SP peeps, exams, NEW SHOE!, Owl City spastic dance!, Work @ Pearson, new songs written

September 2009: Jamming, NEW SONGS WRITTEN, agua de annique, paolo nutini, 07S28! :D, tourist in singapore with WAN!, end of the closeness of a tiring friendship, new songs written

October 2009: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist!, Second first love, Bat for Lashes, SPANISH!:D, new songs written

November 2009: J, J, Jason, Jared, WHITE HEADPHONES!, Potbelleez, HO4!:D, new songs written

December 2009: Jared, Jason, John, Justin Ng, Grey's Anatomy, WHITE HEADPHONES!, Christmas, end of year!, NEW GUITARRRRR!

EVERY SINGLE MONTH IN 2009 THE CONSTANTS ARE: 2B01, JASON, WAN, SIEWYI, WRITING SONGS HO4, NISHA AND SARALI :D Of course, there are those who are not mentioned here. Many more in fact. But to everyone who made 2009 an amazing one for me, thanks! To all my girls, especially Wan & Siewyi, you know I love you :D

So yes, 2009 ended on a high. With loads of downs in between but that's life. I must say the things I'm most happy about 2009 is getting to know the HO4 girls better and reconnect with the class as a whole.

Let 2010 be a crazy kick ass whopalicious one! :D

Love, in the spirit of new year, chinese or not,

P.S. I did NOT buy this cheongsam.

Who are you, today?

2009-12-29T23:05:00.002+08:00

On monday when I woke up,
He told me he's alright.
He said he had just given up
On chasing stupid dreams.

On tuesday when I came home,
He said he's a painter.
That he felt cold and alone,
And that's what he's painting.

And before I sleep, everynight
I tug him in so he'll sleep tight.
Then go off back into bed
And at him, I'd be amazed.
I smile to myself
At his picture on the shelf.
But I still ask whoever's listening,
For the clarity that's been missing.

On wednesday morning I awoke,
He told me that I was very ill.
He fed me syrup that made me choke.
I drank it all and thanked him.

On thursday when I was on the phone,
He was leading the revolution.
The russian king was overthrown.
And I pledged my loyalty to him.

On friday we went for a walk,
He was on his way to court.
There was a case and he had to talk.
And I was obstructing his way.

On saturday, I hid away.
I needed some place to cry.
He shouted out for me to play
He was a kid once again.

On sunday, we went to the park.
A bright sunny day it was.
When a little dog gave out a bark,
He turned to look my way.

"Baby what are we doing here?"
I gave him a smile with a tear in my eye.
"We're on a long walk, no need to fear."
This was the clarity I asked.

And before I sleep, that very night
I tug him in so he'll sleep tight.
Then go off back into bed
And at him, I was amazed.
I smile to myself
At his picture on the shelf.
And I thanked whoever's listening,
For the clarity was a blessing.

& who are you, today?

Christmas (:

2009-12-25T23:39:00.002+08:00

Hello all.

Quick update (: Last night was a blast! Stayed out till 8am this morning XD We were at Cityhall, hanging out. Pictures when I get them from Genn :D

Anyway, christmas started amazingly (: At 11.55pm I was walking back to church from the washroom when I meet Nigel Lee who was on the phone. I said hi and went in but he followed and I heard him say "I gotta go" to whoever on the phone and then came over and talked to me :D I was beaming please. LOL. The expression on his face is still in my head. Anyway, we caught up a little and I told him he could join us if he wants then he points and says "Oh, these are my parents." LOL. Imagine the look on my face HAHA so yup. He's attending mass with his parents.

After mass was CRAZY. We were a whole big bunch of people hugging! XD It was pretty hilarious. Oh yes, excuse to hug Nigel Lee by the way and I did hug :D

So yes, obviously highlight for christmas is NIGEL LEE.

LOL. And presents and of course TOMORROW WITH CYA! :D

VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! :D

& we're gonna ride like the one eyed jack of diamonds, with the devil close behind (:

Reminders

2009-12-23T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm reminded about so much today.

Love, hatred, sorrow, joy. So much just by watching Requiem for a Dream and grey's Anatomy.

Its amazing how one person can change another person's life so so much.

I could've mentioned Ice but I didnt. My mom asked what's couple lab and I could've told her but I didnt. I stopped myself because its no longer important.

What's important is music, love and friends :D

Anyway, another reason to love Jared. He's an amazing actor who chooses to act as controversial characters/movies. :D Smart guy. He's amazing.

Another reason to love Grey's Anatomy, they don't sweep controversial issues under the rug. They show it on the show. Lesbian, racists, gays, religious, etc. Amazing (:

Christmas is coming (: Season of giving, season of hope, season of joy.

SATURDAY'S GONNA BE CRAAAAAAZY (: I LOVE CYA. Hope J's going :D

& I'm gonna find me a reckless man, razor blades and dice in his eyes. Just a touch of sadness in his fingers, thunder and lightening in his thighs.

(:

2009-12-22T22:49:00.004+08:00

2nd day of Holidays are great (:

Time spent with HO4 and Nisha are always amazing :D

Went town with Twin and was already half dead. Didnt get my bag in the end but its fine (:

I have to say though, I felt like the plainest jane along orchard road's streets. But then again, that's what I am. Just a plain jane. Worth one look. No more, no less.

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM IS IN MY HANDS SO I CAN WATCH IT TOMORROW! JARED LETO YO! HANDSOMEEEE! :D

So tomorrow I get rest. Time to read books (:

& search and destroy. ooh-oh, oh oh, ooh-oh!

Justin Ng

2009-12-21T22:13:00.003+08:00

Today's a nice nice day out with JUSTIN NG, who's so in love by the way. Mention some girl then wanna pretend I didn't hear it ah, tsk tsk. He treated me to SALADSTOP (again?! I know!) And gave me a small dream catcher for christmas. What did I give him? NOTHING XD Feel guilty luh. But he didnt gimme anything for the spade I gave him few years back! LOL. We then walked around and I bought Siewyi's present :D Pretty cute I think! Anyway, we talked alot about GAYS. XD No names mentioned (:

OH! I met Kenn who was going to visit his friend at work cos he hasn;'t seen her in a while. Awwwwwwww. Haha! So sweet right. Yeah he stayed with me till Justin Ng came. He was LATE again. TSK.

Then we went to Esplanade for an excuse to take dumb photos. So here's a few.

Yeah, so its about time holidays start making me smile (: Thanks for everything, random friend! HAHAHA! TSK. We met on FRIENDSTER man. WTH.

So weird as it is, today turned out 100 times better than I expected.

Okay, I need to make it perfectly clear, I'm NOT interested in Justin Ng and he's NOT interested in me. We are good random friends and hence, the next song has NOTHING to do with him. Its to do with ME! (:

Cat Power - Breathless
It's up in the morning
And on the downs
Little white clouds
Like gambling lambs
And I am breathless over you
And the red-breasted robin beats his wings
His throat it trembles when he sings
For he is helpless before you
The happy hooded bluebells bow
And bend their heads all a-down
Heavied by the early morning dew
At the whispering stream
At the bubbling brook
The fishes leap up to take a look
For they are breathless over you

Still your hands
And still your heart
For still your face
Comes shining through
And all the morning glows anew

Still your mind
Still your soul
For still the fare of love is true
And I am breathless without you

The wind circles among the trees
And it bangs about the new-made leaves
For it is breathless without you
The fox chases the rabbit round
Little rabbit hides beneath the ground
For he, he's defenceless without you
The sky of daytime dies away
And all the earthly things they stop to play
For we are all breathless without you
I listen to my juddering bones
And the blood in my veins
And the wind in my lungs
And I am breathless without you

Still your hands
And still your heart
For still your face
Comes shining through
And all the morning glows anew

Still your mind
Still your soul
For still the fire of your love is true
And I am breathless without you
And I am breathless without you
And I am breathless without you

& thinking about white headphones, whom I actually miss seeing (:

J, again?

2009-12-20T21:39:00.003+08:00

I wrote a song to conclude my short time with J. I decided that since it seems we weren't talking, that I'd conclude everything with a song.

All this changed last night when J started talking to me again, all of a sudden. More than ever I was reminded of why I thought that he'd be an amazing guy to fall for. But nope, I'm reigning in my emotions.

I miss Siewyi. She's going away to Korea and leaving me in Singapore, ALONE. HAHAHA, love you babe (: Better have loads of fun :D

Then I think about 30 seconds to mars and smile. Smile because I know that she's happy (: And I'm happy with that. I still love her :D I smile because Search & Destroy is so freaking catchy!

& what emptiness in my heart cannot be filled by music? (:

This is war.

2009-12-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

'THIS IS WAR' IS IN MY HANDS AT LONG LAST. (:

After a month of awaiting, the album is in my freaking hands and I swear its worth the wait. I told Lanze I would be jumping on my bed when I listen to it and I did. I was jumping to Vox Populi and Search and Destroy. I have to say, my favourite is still Alibi (: Its such an amazing song with pure emotions. Plus Jared's voice. Awesome.

So, today's been not so good a day besides the AMAZING album in my hands. So much happened but I guess it cant be helped.

So if you're reading this and you wanna talk to me about things you know will upset me, dont talk to me. I barely get days where I feel completely happy like what I felt today when I bought the album. So yes, if you're gonna spoil my mood dont talk to me at all. Thank you.

Today's an alright day. Went to school for overseas internship briefing. Its pretty interesting and exciting actually. I'm so wanting to go for it (: Had the nice nice company of Jia Wen and rachel for the briefing then went to ourspace to complete the essay with Jia Wen. Waited for Lanze and off we went :D

Incredibly amzazing. I'm high on 30 Seconds. Really high. Its simple I guess. I want peace and I finally have time to relax and enjoy. So, this is it.

I'm gonna be recapping the year really soon (:

& I fell apart and got back up again, yeah (:

WOAHHHH

2009-12-17T12:12:00.002+08:00

I've gone completely insane.

I'm watching 30 seconds to mars digital summit. Its where they got their fans to participate in singing parts of the album. Instead of using a choir or background singers, they got their fans involved. How amazing is that? Its like if you participated you'll feel that you're part of the album. I think its completely mind-blowing.

I dont doubt why they have so gained so many fans, all of whom are so dedicated that when the album leaked out on youtube before its release, it got removed the next day because the fans were making so much noise about it. They are an incredible band with nothing but love for music and love for fans. They make the most epic sounding kind of music and they have one of the best ever lead vocals to front their band. There is no denying the charm and talent that Jared has.

Echeleon is what they call their fan base, and I'm part of it. For those who visit their website for the first time, it might seem a little intense and scary because there are symbols and all sorts of things but once you get used to it, you;re fine. I got intimidated at first when I got to their website. I thought it was some occult group but hey, its amazing how much love there is between the band and their fans. Vice versa.

So kudos to great music, great singing, great lyrics, great talent, great hearts and great 30 seconds to mars :D

My love, renewed (:

& 100 suns before we touch.

Speechless.

2009-12-16T23:03:00.002+08:00

I have absolutely no words to explain how I feel. Its a positive feeling but I cant seem to put it in words.

I know what excites me.
I know what I love.
I know what irritates me.
I know what makes me smile.
I know me.

And a good friend captured it in a sentence.

"Its really great knowing someone with music flowing non-stop in her veins."

Be it anger, sorrow, joy or whatever else I'm feeling, there's music in it. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to do. Perhaps I'm on this earth to make people notice the music of living. The music of being alive. The music of pain, the music of joy. I'm made to open up music to those who shut music out.

& that's what you are.

JAAASON.

2009-12-15T23:15:00.002+08:00

My love for Jason is definitely renewed (:

Watching the video reminds me of exactly why I fell in love with him. He's such a pure human being and the message he's trying to get across through his music is such a beautiful one. Being yourself and loving. It is amazing. He is amazing.

Everything about him is fresh and pure. Even his videos and his reasons behind his videos are so pure and true to who he is.

To all those who think Jason's gonna sing more mainstream songs, hell no. He's sticking true to who he was. Just an evolution, a maturation, a growth in his musical self but hey, he sticks to his roots and I love him for that (: I'm amazed at how he stays grounded. That no matter what, he ends his concerts with an old song. He shows glimpses of his previous selfs. He never forgets or loose his true self. There is no pretence, there is no facade. What you see is what you get.

He is pure heaven and that is why he is, after 7 years of loving him, he's still my number one artiste to support. Everything about him is in sync with me. :D

I love him as a being. I love what he's spreading, I love his singing, I love his eloquence and his logic.

The way he uses words makes him so attractive. The way he phrases things, the way he does things, everything about him is magnetic.

And you know what? I'm not high like I used to be. I think Ive reached a whole new level of fanatism. I'm solemn right now. I'm just amazed and purely just in awe at what he does and how he does it. He takes notice to details, he takes care of everyone and he is so so down to earth. I cannot believe how someone can hold concerts where people faint and scream and go crazy over and still be who he is. So humble, so kind and with so much love in his heart.

I swear, I await the day I get to meet him and talk to him. If it ever happens, and it better, I am going to take 1000000000000000000000000000000000000 photos and record our conversations. (:

Restatement: I love Jason Mraz.

Other statement: I'm gonna be an amazing counsellor tomorrow.

& when we put our voices together, we create a harmony and we bring you some love (:

DAMN AWESOME

2009-12-14T23:00:00.003+08:00

OKAY MARIANNE IS A VERY VERY VERY HAPPY GIRL (:

1) She has video-ed a pretty great song that she's proud of that will go up on facebook on Christmas! (:

2) 30 SECONDS TO MARS SHOULD BE OUT BY TOMORROW OR SHE'S GONNA KILL.

3) The only people popping into her head are Jason Mraz, Jared Leto and white headphones. No J. Which is a relief.

4) SHE HAS BOUGHT HER JASON MRAZ - A BEAUTIFUL MESS DVD! AND ITS PRETTY CRAZILY AWESOME. NEVER SHORT OF SHOCKING HER INTO LOVING JASON MORE AND MORE!

Spot Jared Leto in the background. Number 1 and number 2 together (:

Anyway, I had a dream of John, Dot, Isaac, Dom and Andrew. HAHA, I dreamt we were having a sleepover at John's house with his course guys. I went over to draw up the window shades and saw 2 of his friend playing a game called 'Maid Chase' which had them climbing the outside of the opposite block of flats and then swinging on a rope to John's block. XD Then I looked down and thought "How dangerous. What if they fall?" I looked and John and he looked at me and smiled and raised an eyebrow. I then raised the window shades all the way to the top and went to join Dot, Dom, Isaac and Andrew outside the kitchen and they were talking about why Sharon wasn't around. Then I looked into the kitchen and there was John's mom and his aunty sitting in the kitchen near the stoves whispering.

And then I woke up and laughed. What kind of a dream is that?! Anyway, I wished it was white headphone's house and family I dream of next. I've had flashing episodes of us bumping into each other and talking. I think I'm confusing dreams with real life.

JASON MRAZ, IF YOU HAPPEN TO READ THIS OUT OF DIVINE INTERVENTION, I LOVE YOU AND I NEED TO MEET YOU BEFORE I TURN 21. MY BIRTHDAY'S ON 7TH AUGUST SO YOU CAN COME TO SINGAPORE AND VISIT ME ON THAT DAY. I'D SKIP SCHOOL AND SPEND A WHOLE DAY WITH YOU. I'D SPEND A WHOLE YEAR WITH YOU. P.S. BRING ME SOME OF YOUR AVOCADOES, THANKS.

Oh, and Sarali! Nice version of Bella Luna (: You did it justice :D Well done girl!

& how can you sleep at a time like this, unless the dreamer is the real you (:

Jared.

2009-12-12T22:22:00.003+08:00

Jared Leto is seriously amazing me and keeping me awake these days (:

For those not in the know, Jared Leto is the front man of the band 30 Seconds To Mars. He is amazing looking, all girls go gaga for him. Trust me because I did too.

But what I was amazed by was his kick ass voice. Seriously, he has one of the best vocals in the universe. He never misses a note. You'd think with all that screaming and high solid notes in their songs, he'd never try them live but he does and he hits them all perfectly (: Another thing is, he shouts in his songs and he doesn't even look like he's shouting! Like usually when people shout they look like they're shouting? He looks like he's TALKING.

He's gonna be permanently placed at my number 2 position right behind Jason (:

His face, plus his voice, is HEAVEN.

And you know what? I think its the eyes. He's reminds me 100% of white headphones. Its the eyes. Something in both their eyes that gives you a feeling that they're grounded individuals. Humble in every way, down to earth, easy going. Its the eyes. Its always the eyes.

With this, I leave you with Jared (: (Watch the eyes!)

& I believe in nothing but the beating of our hearts (:

Today

2009-12-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

Today marks the day I hear your voice for the first time.

Not too high, not too deep. Just right. You are perfection, to me.

Its true, I was made for you.

& if only I could know you.

Post 660

2009-12-10T22:29:00.002+08:00

Snippet of how everything's affecting everything else:

Andrzej- my jimminy cricket bit me!! says:
hahah
go bite dom
[J.O.Y] I'm alive again (: says:
DONT WANT.,
LOL.
Andrzej- my jimminy cricket bit me!! says:
or ask him bite you =DDDDDDDD
[J.O.Y] I'm alive again (: says:
EEE DONT WANT I DONT WANT JOHN.
EH DOM
lol.
wrong name inserted LOL.
Andrzej- my jimminy cricket bit me!! says:
hahahaha
oh hooorrrrr
you want john
i know edi
oh hoooorrrrr
[J.O.Y] I'm alive again (: says:
LOL. OMG WTH!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away.

I fought the war but the war won.

I'm giving up.

Goodbye.

Passion Renewed (:

2009-12-09T23:10:00.002+08:00

I realised I've been so lost. So lost in what's not so important. I guess I got caught up thinking that the world revolves around me. I have to keep reminding myself about that I guess.

I spent the whole day listening to 'Alive Again' by Matt Maher. It reminds me. Anyway, went for the talk in church and it reminded me too. The world doesn't revolve around me. There are people who's lives are in danger every single second of the day. People who suffer their whole lives. People who are not as fortunate as me. And yet, what do we care about? If we look good, if we sound good, if we present ourselves well, if someone likes us or not and whatever else we think about.

Listening to the talk, my passion was once more renewed. I want so much to be a social worker. I know it wont be an easy life, neither will it allow me time for myself. However, seeing so much to do in the world, I wanna be that change in someone's life. Be the change in this world. Even if its so small a change it goes unnoticed, knowing that I am making a difference makes me want to do it more.

So yes, I'm so sure right now, I want so much to be a social worker now. (:

And I'm thankful to be reminded back onto the right track.

& where have I gone?

Conclusion.

2009-12-08T23:38:00.003+08:00

CONCLUSION OF THE DAY:

SCREW IT. MARIANNE WANTS TO KNOW WHY SHE BOTHERS TRYING. I WANT TO GIVE UP.

Choose.

2009-12-08T21:47:00.002+08:00

Today's one of those days where I feel more or less happy (:

Lectures were alright. Didn't pay attention at all in Brain & Behavior. Which sucks. Hah. Anyway, Mr Tan's tutorial wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Got to watch Kenn present! HAHA, his voice is booming okay! XD Went to the washroom and came out, waited for Nisha. Was looking around and guess who I saw in the building opposite? WHITE HEADPHONES. I swear, its damn coincidental. Made my day (: Haha.

Well, if I had to choose between white headphones and J who would I choose? I seriously dont know. Can I just get to know both first? LOL.

I dont know.

Anyway, today's weird I guess. We're not talking although we're both online. I'll talk when I'm ready. I need to pull myself together first. Haha.

On a lighter note, essay is 3/4 done and 30STM'S ALBUM IS OUT YOOOO! (: I'm so gonna buy it :D

& crash, crash, burn

Overthink it.

2009-12-07T21:38:00.002+08:00

School's alright today (: Was superbly early in school. Anyway, the girls bought things back from Cambodia! So sweet of them! Thanks lovelies! :D Really love the keychain but Juliet said its kinda fragile so I'm gonna hang it at home XD

Lunch was pretty fun I guess. Talk, talk and talk about nothing in particular. OH, and Nisha's teen fiction book is seriously like the book of my life 2009. LOL. Tsk.

Anyway, another 2nd time that not many people were asleep for Fred's class but this time he lost most of us 3/4 way through the tutorial.

Went home with Nisha, Sarali and Cindy and Faith (: Gossip gossip! OH! Met XUEQI at the bus stop! Hahah, my long-time-no-see guitar buddy! :D

Came home and watched tv! Something I feel like I havent done in a while. Then went out for dinner.

Came online and J was online but we didnt talk not until about an hour ago. LOL. Today's weird. Haha, no song exchanging. Just alot of talking about things, which is pretty awesome I guess. Good to know we can carry out proper conversations besides just songs and umbrellas -.- But yeah (:

You know how I keep telling myself I'm not good enough? That puts me in a lose-lose situation doesn't it? Like the more I think about it, the more I think about what to say, the more I feel like I'm messing up.

So why think about her? When what I can change is myself right? So yeah, I'm not gonna bother about the other side. I'll concentrate on mine. Make it a win-win situation (:

He showed me a smiley. After all, I'm aiding him in using his gift!

So, I'm gonna put the other party out of sight, out of mind for now. He's a friend.

So start of the conversation I keep overthinking what to say to him and I think he kind of felt it? Haha, but now its fine and we're back to sending songs.

Brandi Carlile - The Story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
Oh but these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
Oh yeah and its true, that I was made for you

& its true; I was made for you (:

Miss.

2009-12-06T00:15:00.002+08:00

I miss you.

There, I said it. I'm listening to songs from you and I miss you. I'm trying to not think about you but even sitting in church listening to them sing amazing christmas carols, I smile to myself and your face floats into my mind. I'm a goner.

& the little things give me away.

Why.

2009-12-04T22:07:00.002+08:00

You chose the wrong weekend to go missing, seriously. Its been one of the worse days of life today.

Dont wanna talk about it.

I'm glad I have the songs. Reminds me of you, and makes me smile.

If I said I missed you would that mean I'm already falling? I hope not because I dont want to because I know you're the last thing I should be thinking about right now. In this situation, but I know you'd make it seem better. With your words of encouragement. I know I can trust you to tell me that I'm in the right direction.

I shouldn't put all my eggs into one basket and that's what I'm trying to do but you are making me think about leaving all my eggs in one basket.

And I still dont feel enough for you.

& you make me feel.

J.

2009-12-03T22:39:00.002+08:00

The second I thought of you, you started talking to me. How intriguing!

Anyway, you crack me up. I only stay online to
(a) Do research
(b) Youtube
(c) Talk to you

And you do crack me up.

You - "My brother went to batam for snorkelling/diving. Quite fun eh. Can see alot of animals."

Me - "You mean fishes?"
You - "HAHA, oh yeah."

Today's been alright. Night's always better (: HAHA.

& stop tugging.

Your eyes.

2009-12-02T23:25:00.002+08:00

Today's been interesting (:

Went to meet Faith, Caryn and Dave at Cityhall's coffee and toast. We discussed for like 1/2 hour then went off shopping. We went to Marina Square and saw this salad shop and we went in and ate. HAHA. Its super nice and super big portion. We then went into Marina Square itself where we watched WINX CLUB and made fun of them. They all look so trashy, like prostitutes and that's what our kids are watching these days. No wonder there's more and more bimbos in Singapore -.- We laughed throughout and one of them actually waved at Dave! And one of them had their nipples showing and Faith wanted to shout "Nipples! Nipples!" Like wth. LOL.

Then we went off. I took a slow slow stroll to Bras basah and then GOT MY FREAKING SEXY GUITAR! I then ran home and went to church then went to school for CYA (:

CYA is amazing (: John played my guitar and said it sounded nice! HAHA, we had an extremely short session and then went for dinner at Westmall's Koufu. John carried my guitar cos it was so big on me XD I carried his guitar. Exchange for the day. OH! Andrew brought almond nuts for me! So sweet (: Then we talked about Gays lol. Then we went home. Trained with John and Dom :D HAHA.

Came home and played my guitarrrr till _______ came online and talked to me XD

I miss class though. 2B01, I miss you. LOL. I miss seeing Nisha and Sarali talking about whatever we always talk about. I miss HO4 girls playing around and smiling.

In your eyes, today, I saw something different. Perhaps its just me, but we've grown closer. There's a change because last time, you and I never talked but now, you talk to me the minute you're online. And you talk to me till you go to sleep. If I read your eyes wrongly, I'm sorry. We're closer I feel it. I know its not anything, but damn, you sure make me smile alot.

& like being in love, feels for the first time.

GIRLFRIEND!

2009-12-01T22:13:00.003+08:00

MARIANNE CHAN JUST GOT HER ACOUSTIC GUITAR TODAY. THE GIRLFRIEND SHE'S BEEN WANTING FOR SO FREAKING LONG! AW40-TCS!

Woah, can you say damn freaking exciting?! I was jumping up and down! Okay rewind.

I put up the christmas tree at home today! So fun, while playing christmas songs! (: Christmassy mood man, seriously. Oh, I'm abstaining from facebook for advent so anything message me! :D

Anyway, met Hui Mui and had fun shopping in far east. Even met SIEWYI there! :D Looking good babe :D Anyway,shopped and I bought a new bag.

We decided to go to Peninsula Plaza so we did. Walked around and didnt get anything beside food XD Old Chang Kee! We then decided to walk to Bugis but we got to Bras Basah first so yes, I ran into Swee Lee and couldn't find my girlfriend ): ROAR. The dude told me its sold out and they only have some pale brownish kinda colour. I almost cried luh. HAHA, then I was considering one of the black ones when the guy called me to go over and he showed me my girlfriend! He said they have one last one left. So I called my mom who, miraculously agreed! So I bought it! And guess what?! Original price was $558.50 but after all the sales discounts and all, it was $357.50! (: Amazing right :D I'm collecting it tomorrow. I practically screamed and jumped for joy! WHOOOO.

We went to Bugis Junction and ate SoupSpoon and then decided to go home. So I went home (:

Anyway, updates. Was talking to Dom and he said his phone dropped so I said "OMG OMG OMG" and he said "J_____ ____ just came online when you said omg omg omg." LOL. What!!!!

"err
no calling
haha
actually i really wanna get married in the future, very scared of priesthood
:(
its really difficult you know
for them
same goes for nuns
i can reach out to other people even if i'm married! (:"

LOL. Weird conversation but still. Anyway, John's gonna play my guitar for tmr's session XD Its brand new, he should be so so honoured! XD

Well, for those who forgot how my girlfriend looks like:

& you melt my heart to stone (:

J, away (:

2009-11-30T16:45:00.002+08:00

I'm in love with the letter J. HAHA, I swear if white headphone's name starts with a 'J' I'd fall straight in love with him XD And I do believe I'm gonna marry a guy who's name starts with a J. If I ever get married that is.

I mean come on. James, Jared, Jason. LOL. ARGHHH! I'm going a little crazy over Jared Leto all over again. Have you heard the new album? Its fucking brilliant. I don't usually use the word in the entries these days but I'll say it once more. Its fucking brilliant. Its epic. I know Lanze said he was gonna buy the album and lend it to me but now, I want it for myself. So I'm gonna get it for myself (: Because I know its soooo worth it! HAHAHAH. ROAR.

Anyway, these few days have been pretty crazy I guess. So let's backtrack to Friday.

FRIDAY
Friday was HO4 day (: Met them and was kinda lost in Ion. How assed is that but yeah. Found Lanze then found the girls. Had fun taking photos and doing nonsense while Lanze typed away XD Then we went to Plaza Singapura to eat lunch at like 4+ almost 5pm LOL. Then went to get Tim's present which happens to still be in my bag XD It's really really cute though XD Yeah. Then had to go back home. Got a seat on 190 and I was so so so thankful (: Got home and everyone was more or less there. Family sushi eating gathering -.- So we sat around, ate sushi, played with cousins and all. My baby cousin likespoking my face and I'll say 'Ouch!" and he'll laugh. How sadistic. But oh so cute (: They all went home at around 12+am and I was exhausted by then so I just bathed and crawled into bed and could NOT sleep. I was tossing and turning and freaking out till about 3am before I fell asleep.

SATURDAY
Woke up a little later than I was supposed to so had to rush off to church for little baby Carlos's baptism. So damn cute but my spirits got super down low when twin was all sad and moody. I guess I just expected it to be a happy occasion. He called me a bimbo just because I probably giggled a little with Steffy at babies. ): That's just unfair. Seriously. So I got kinda pissed. I mean, already his mood's affecting me and then he goes and say that sort of thing in my face. I think I gave him my WTF face. LOL. I just wanted to have a good time but I wasn't. So we ate and went home. I didnt wanna stay around but I felt bad for Steffy cos she hasn't met us for so long and when she does we're like in such bad moods. LOL.

Went home and rested for a bit then went off to Jurong Point because I wanted to get balloons for Sharon! So I went there and got carried away shopping for presents XD I spent almost 15mins picking out balloons. They only had EXTREMELY HUGE balloons or EXTREMELY PUNY ones. So idiotic right? LOL. So I got the puny ones since I had to take the MRT to her place. XD They were nice small ones okay! I also bought her 2 notebooks, small ones from artbox. I WANTED TO BUY SOME FOR MYSELF BECAUSE THEIR NOTEBOOKS WERE SO FREAKING NICE. But no cash. So I wanted to wrap it but they took so long to get down to wrapping, I just got a green bag for the books. HAHA, it actually looked alot nicer than I thought it would look!

So bought everything and took the mrt to admiralty. Walked the wrong way and then walked the right way. We were supposed to be there at around 5pm but I got there at like 7pm and I thought I'd be the latest. So I popped into the house and was like "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" at Sharon with the balloons and I realised I was the first one there! XD So we sat around talked till Dot and Anabelle and Alaine and Dom came! We ate and she opened her pressies and then we adjourned to her room to talk about ghost stories at first and Dom and I had to represent John Tan since he couldn't make it XD Then out of no where the subject of tattoos were brought up! HAHA. Damn funny. Oh then we all decided to go home at 11.30pm so we did and I cabbed home and slept with a huge smile on my face! I loved it, those people really know how to make me smile (:

SUNDAY
I stayed home most of sunday morning (: Just lazing around at home and playing my guitar. HAHA. Really awesome. Then afternoon came, we went to Lot 1 for lunch and I got to buy new shoes because my shoes all died on me at the same time. All of them had something that was out of place or just broke so I needed new shoes immediately. So we ran into cotton on and grabbed a shoe and a skirt along the way XD Whoopee. Anyway, after lunch I started freaking out about the whole singing thing. And it finally came after mass. I'm glad so few stayed back to watch. HAHA. I was so freaked that when it was my turn I had to hold on to the stand because I was shaking so hard. Anyway, I thought I did good but nope. LOL. When I heard it back it was a DISASTER so nope. Not gonna put up the video on facebook HAHAHA. No way. Well, got it all down and then ran off for dinner and back home.

TODAY
Today sucks for the most part. I stayed home and was intending to send the girls off when my brother smses me to tell me I gotta stay home till he got home since he didnt bring his keys. Guess what time he got home? 2.45pm! ): How to go down luh. wthhh. So too bad, I ended up youtubing. Which made me HIGH TILL NOW. I found new gems and old gems! As you might already know, I youtubed 30 seconds to mars and heard one or two of their new songs and OMG ITS DAMN CRAZILY EPICLY GOOD! (: I love it and I'm gonna buy it. But another thing I found is Aussie band, Potbelleez. They do like dance music but its really nice and funky. So here's one of their vids :D

How awesome looking is that? (: I loved it the minute I saw it. So amazing (: So yes, I'm like clubbing to their songs in my room -.- No life. But yeah, its what I do.

Tomorrow: Shopping with HM
Wednesday: group meeting in the morning at city hall and then CYA at night! (: LOOKING FORWARD TO CYA (:
Thursday: Spanish class gathering! :D Food & movie!
Friday: Lunch with Adam and then to church!

Busy week. In between I'll be blogging, facebooking and doing my essays. Wish me luck peeps.

& are you with me?

AWWWW.

2009-11-28T01:49:00.003+08:00

Okay, like I told Adam. Its a crush. If I'm in love I'd say I'm in love but still.

- aiya 18 (:
- not that old, not that young too
- he looks like a monkey all the same

Oh, and the winning statement of the night:
- ouch ciara trashed a nice car in the mtv :/

LOL. Tsk tsk.

& dont tug.

SPANISHHH! (:

2009-11-26T22:43:00.002+08:00

Today was an awesome day (:

Met Jannah and Fathin earlier for practice. Went to class had some time to study and all of a sudden Maestro Esteban says "Okay, everyone out of the class except Martina." I was like WTH. That's me. Means I'm the first person to go for oral ): HAHA, but he's nice. He kept saying "It alright, its really simple." and I guess it really was kind of simple. :D Nice teacherrr! Anyway, went on to presentations and we got to drink Sangria or something like that and eat mexican stuff baked by one of the girls! Super nice. Its really funny because I think we only started warming up to each other TODAY. Which technically is the end of lessons. We're meeting up next week though, for movies and more mexican food as promised by Maestro Esteban :D Hope he doesn't burn his kitchen down though. XD

Amazing day of spanish. I so wanna go to Cuba now. Even more than before!

I watched Grey's Anatomy and you know what? It reminded me that CHRISTMAS IS COMING! (: Ask me out for christmas people (: I cant wait :D Christmas, singing and all! WHOOOO.

SINGINGGG (: HAHAHAHA. I'm high. I feel love from somewhere but dunno where LOL. Maybe its from friends and all.

GUESS WHAT! TODAY MARKS 2 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP WITH MY DEAREST DEAREST SIEWYI! It might seem like a really young friendship to many but I think its amazing how we met and how we went through so much together! It feels like we've known each other all our lives! (: I love that girl truckloads! :D

Today's also CINDY TAN PECK KAY'S birthday so if you haven't wished her and you read this, go wish her NOW.

Well, I guess that's all I have to blog about (: HHAHA, spanish, christmas, love and birthdays. Yup, that's about it (:

Oh wait. You know how you have a major crush on someone for a while? This is how screwwy it gets.

- what's your number? maybe i call you or something

LOL. Yup, it gets that screwwy that I notice things I otherwise wouldn't notice. Cheap thrills much? (: HAHA, but keeps me happy so yeah. He's like this with everyone because he's so freaking super the duper nice.

I still prefer white headphones though (: And I only got a sneak peek of him once this week. A 5 second glance. How sad is that? LOL.

& flip a coin (:

Scary much?

2009-11-25T23:42:00.002+08:00

Scary. Today we're told everyone's gonna betray us one day. That human love is fleeting. Here today, gone tomorrow.

ARGH. Okay, scary part was all the talk about Paranormal Activities. Real life experiences. Damn freaky. Went for dinner with Dom and John.

Anyway, fleeting love right?

Its not love. Its a crush I've had for a long long time now.

-machines are like hamsters that dont respond to you
-you stare at the probes and mechanical arms like some hamster cage but no attention given to you.
-ouch just hit my head on the wall while putting eye drops. lol.

How can you not be fond of a guy who says that? lol. He scare me with his real life paranormal activity and then he starts telling me ways to not fear and not be afraid.

You, my friend, are way too nice. Stop being so nice. Seriously.

CYA is pure love, always (:

& psalm 91 & 92.

Fleeting Fury.

2009-11-24T23:09:00.002+08:00

I realise I have Fleeting Fury. I dont stay mad at people long unless they piss me off BIG TIME.

I dont have much to say about today besides the good company and good food. No white headphones today. Doesn't matter.

Life seems to be so stagnant at the moment. I need a little bit of excitement and all.

Nisha, dont worry about it (: We all feel down at times. Cant be high all the time anyway!

And HJ, wanna see ah? Wait till I get the courage to take photo of him then I show you! Or if we see him in school i will point point to you XD

Tomorrow is another long day in school. But CYA should cheer me up lots! (: Miss everyone so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much! ):

& if I could just see you, everything would be alright.

Awesome (:

2009-11-23T21:42:00.004+08:00

Okay, today was really weird till the end of the day before it get sorta better XD

I entered class today and everyone seemed so low on energy and all. I could feel a weird sorta vibe from all the girls and even Glenn. I think its the sickness starting to get to everyone. I felt happy though and tried to remain that way through the day.

Juliet's class was interesting XD Me, Caryn, Faith and Dave acted like retards today XD We took the band thingy to tie around our knees and went down to level one, walked halfway towards convention centre and then we decided to tie all our knees together and try walking. OMG DAMN HILARIOUS PLEASE. We took like 5 mins just to get into the lift or something and people were staring and Caryn was screaming. LOL. Total madness. But it was super fun and hilarious luh.

Went for lunch and then went off for Fred's very first successful tutorial with us! We actually all participated and learned and were awake during his lesson! Must have been some kind of miracle. Think he was pretty happy and I think he likes it when we end early! He kept looking at his watch through the whole lesson XD

Ended lesson and went off to the sunny benches at 56 with HJ, Sarali and Nisha. Stayed there for a while as they settled their visitations. Well, it was all worth the while XD

Here's why:

We were waiting for the bus and it finally came and we went up the bus and I'm standing and for some reason I took a glance to my left and guess who caught my eye? WHITE HEADPHONES! Haha, he was at the bus stop and didnt get up the bus ): He was with a friend (a guy this time) and he was SMILING! HAHA. *heart melts..not.* Yeah. So I got a glimpse of him. Sorry to say, Nisha and Lanze were talking on the bus but I wasn't really paying attention because his face was in my head, smiling. I could not focus on what they were saying at all. URGH. I swear I dont mean to feel this way. Its just... Ah well.

Well, here's something that's kinda weird I guess. I dont like it. So if you're reading please stop trying, thanks.

Seriously.

& okay, its alright with me. Some things are just meant to be.

Singing happiness.

2009-11-22T23:19:00.002+08:00

Once more, music has saved me (:

Practice was fun. I guess I just had to get over the awkwardness and all. HAHA, the shyness! But in the end it was really great. They said I had a nice voice and roped me in for the choir XD Woah, its really pretty awesome I guess. We were all so happy singing in church! :D I like. HAHA, and Jessica can sing please. They all can sing so freaking well its kinda intimidating. Ah well, guess I have to try to blend in and all.

Yup, music's my lifetime hobby (:

& high notes, you baffle me no longer XD

Downside.

2009-11-22T12:46:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was pretty fun I guess. Waking up super early and met Julinda at the bus stop so we took the bus to school together. She's a super nice girl (: So cute. LOL. We went to school and met up with Nisha and started our "job". It was alright I guess (: Fun walking in and out of convention centre to test NIsha's treatment method to increase immune system. I haven't tried it. Oh, and we spoke about white headphones. Everyone know about him but doesn't know who he is. XD

Went home after everything and slept for like half an hour before waking up and felt too lazy to go for mass with Marcus and Genn so I ended up meeting them for Kampong Night later on. Kampong Night was pretty awesome (: I had great company and it really reminded me of Kuching in a way. It was the first time we were all singing and dancing together! :D But still it felt a little sad because I can feel everyone's drifted further apart already. Genn, my bunk mate and forever will be, still never fails to make me smile. I mean, she's pretty, cute, acts like a 10 yr old at times but her hug is so sincere (: I love her!

So went home at 10.45pm when the party was more or less ending. Met new people and old friends like Mark Chua! HAHA! Damn funny. Small world please. Anyway, it was good catching up a little here and there (:

Anyway, I'm off to sing the high notes cos there's practice later on tonight and if I screw up, I probably screw my chances of singing solo in church. I've got quite a bit of hope riding on it I guess? LOL. I just feel like this could be a superb boost of confidence for me. Which is something I need I guess. Wish me luck!

Most times I'll let this pass by me.
But this time, I cant let it be.
Cos the more I see you,
The more I wanna get to know you.

But somehow you dont even see me.

So just this once, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
And this time, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice me.

I used to tell myself "Dont bother".
That I dont have enough to offer.
But there's something special about you.
What it is, I dont have a clue.

And I know that you still dont see me.

But just this once, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
And this time, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice me.

You dont notice,
You never notice.
You dont notice.
You never notice.
You dont, you never notice.

In the corner, with my hand on my mouth.
Afraid that you'd see me smile to myself.
Close my eyes and put my hands together.
And I pray that you'd notice.
I pray that youd notice me.

& I know that you still dont see me but.

Emptyyyy.

2009-11-20T22:39:00.002+08:00

Marianne's happy streak is coming to an end. LOL. I hope not but it kind of feels like it.

I awoke today and got a shock out of my life. I thought there was Law today and I was running late for it. I then, in my state of horrible blurness, messaged like 5 people at one go to ask. And no one replied! HAHA, so I freaked out and went off to mel to check and realised there was NO class at all today -.- I swear I felt stupid. So I went back to sleep and had a dream. I dreamt that I was viewing Tarci's facebook page. Yes, TARCISUS HO from NGEE ANN POLY PCS. And I came across his friends and one of them was MR. WHITE HEADPHONES! XD And I was so freaking happy okay! LOL. Then I awoke and found out it was only a dream. I went on facebook just to check and nope, no mr. white headphones. Whatever man.

I guess I just feel like I haven't felt any strong emotions in a long while. It used to be either an outburst of love for someone or hurt, pain and suffering over someone. Now its so calm. Almost too calm since its calm for like almost a year now. I need to feel something deep once more. Trust me, I think I'm close to forgetting how it feels like to actually love someone. I'm dry and I'm empty. So empty it starting to feel horrible. All these make me feel downnn and I'm trying not to let it pull me down.

So I think of Mr. White Headphones. But no, I wont call it love. I dont love him. I just feel that he's someone I'd really like to know and if I know him there might be a high possibility of me loving him. But not just yet. Ah, how do I even describe how it feels.

With the lights out it’s never less dangerous
Even with a stranger never gets painless
Don’t be afraid

Every time I think I’m gonna change it
It’s driving me insane
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy

Maybe tonight we can forget about it all
It could be just like heaven
I am a machine
No longer living, just a shell of what I dreamed
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy

Say it, say it, say that you believe
Say it, say it to me

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
Automatic, I imagine, I believe

Do you live
Do you die
Do you bleed
For the fantasy

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy
Automatic, i imagine i believe
Automatic, i imagine i believe

Say it, say it, say that you believe
(Automatic, i imagine i believe)
Say it, say it to me
(Automatic, i imagine i believe)
Say it, say it, say that you believe
(Automatic, i imagine i believe)
Say it, say it to me
Automatic, i imagine i believe
I believe, I believe, I believe

& because I do.

Woooots!

2009-11-20T00:05:00.002+08:00

Awesome day today (:

Spanish was fun fun fun (: Feel like we've finally got to know our teacher a little better. He plays the trumpet! And he probably sings. and has a sister XD Not too bad (:

Test was alright as well. As usual he gave us ample time to study and rehearse!

Oh, met Fiona at the bus stop before class and had a pretty nice chat with her (: I LOVE YOU DARLING! HANG IN THERE (:

Went to church for intense vocal training with twin which turned out to be superbly helpful! :D Thanks a million twin! HAHA, I still think I sound weird though. Probably just not used to hearing myself sing so high notes XD

Off to Aunty Ida's house for bible sharing and Lucia's farewell party. Left me feeling so thankful for everything I have (:

Oh, I kinda pissed off a china man on the bus? LOL. I dunno. He was smiling! But anyway, cos we were talking about Mr. White Headphones and then twin suggested that maybe he's from china! And I just blurted "CANT BE CHINA, HE'S TOO HANDSOME..." then I realised! Oh wtfffff. we're on freaking public transport with some china dude beside us XD Luckily we got off at the next stop. HAHA.

And I concluded, I'd regret a whole big shitloads if I dont at least try to get to know Mr White Headphones so I'm gonna smile smile smile at him until he removes those headphones and talk to me! XD Okay no. I'm just gonna smile at him XD

Twin says my good vibes in guys is always wrong. HUH. LOL. No lor. I still think my choices were okay LOL. Ah well.

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

& I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today (:

Inspirationless.

2009-11-18T21:31:00.003+08:00

I'm inspirationless today. Trying to get my brain around the law shit but nothing's coming out ):

Anyway, today I slept most of the day. Glad to say my voice is more or less back (:

Went to eat Ajisen today and guess who I met? Ian Joseph Yap. This dude from my secondary school that, I believe, every single girl had a crush on. Myself included. LOL. We looked at each other for like 5 seconds before smiling at each other. XD Whoo, he recognises me! He probably doesnt know where he knows me from, just finds me familiar. XD

But it got me thinking I guess. I used to have this hope and glimmer that even the most popular people would actually notice me. People like Ian, James even Ice. Now, I just assume they dont. Tsk. I want love. I've been on my own for long enough I believe.

Anyways, people's birthdays are coming. Gotta spend money plus christmas pressie for my dearest love, SIEWYI! (:

I swear, I feel like writing songs again (: maybe I should.

& I dont need the world to see me; just you. That's enough.

Want.

2009-11-16T21:36:00.002+08:00

I want to know you. Maybe its too much to want, but I want to.

I want my voice back. I want you to see me sing, maybe then you'd notice me.

I want things to go well.

Anyway, today's pretty fun I guess (: Decorating with the girls! HAHA. Awesome girls.

& my eyes are open, so's my heart.

FREAKING OUT.

2009-11-15T21:52:00.002+08:00

I am freaking out. Marianne is freaking out (: In a good way though.

I was asked to sing in a choir in church and so I agreed thinking we're singing normal songs from our hymnals and I thought there'd be like 15 of us at least. Guess what?! We're singing some tehzeh (or however you spell that) and there's only 6 of us! ): DAMN SCARY. To make things worse, everyone and I mean EVERYONE there has some sort of musical background. And I dont. I have no freaking background in music!

To make things worse than worse, each of us 3 girls have to sing solo. Which means I have to sing the cantor part for one of it. WHICH IS DAMN FREAKING HIGH NOTE PLEASE. I'm super stressed. And freaking out.

The thing is, this pushes me. Because I normally wouldn't bother trying to hit notes remotely near as high as those. Plus, I'm learning new ways of singing that allows me to actually hit the high notes even more easily! XD

Its damn epic. Okay, if anyone wants to see me go crazy, its on 29th November 2009 6.30pm at St. Mary of the Angels. LOL.

I swear, if I screw it up, I'm gonna hide myself in a paper bag each time I go to church.

Oh, to nehneh! (: Thanks dear! It doesn motivate me and makes me happy. So yes, I'll chase.

& I wish you could see me.

Sad.

2009-11-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

I've completed my sickening essay (: I'm glad.

I've loaded all the old songs that I've not heard in a long long time and realised that Eric Hutchinson is one guy I miss alot. His songs make me move. Sway at least. :D

I went around readin blogs and everyone seems down. ): Which makes me feel down as well. I guess its because these are people who have shared my laughter, shared my joys. Everyone has their ups and their downs so I guess now that my downs are over, my ups are here but their downs are here for them. Ah well.

Dear stranger, you dont know me.
I'm no one in your story.
You probably wont be at ease,
But its in me to say what I please.
I'm a foot note in your story.
Someone who sees your glory.
In your life, I'm not existing.
But you are keeping me breathing.

& should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads no where?

CHRISTMAS!

2009-11-13T22:00:00.002+08:00

Today's been a superbly wet day. I kept telling Nisha I feel ugly today. In fact, I feel fugly. I dont know why. HAHA. Its not the HMS shirt I'm sure. It's just me. Some days I wake up feeling like the most confident person on the face of the earth and other days I awake feeling like the shittiest.

Stayed back to discuss projects and then watch Grey's Anatomy in school. How fun right? I know.

So what I want for christmas is just LOVE (:

I fear saying this would make it more concrete.

I'd love to love you.

But oh, how impossible. I await the day either of us speaks to the other. For I've noticed you but I happen to be that girl that everyone just doesn't notice. So I pray, that you're one of those people who notices the girl who's never noticed.

Because I want to get to know you.
I want to know all about you.
I want to find out that everything I've said about you is right.
I want to know that who I think you are is really who you are.
I want to know you.

But I fear. Because I'm the girl who the guys tend to overlook.
Because I'm so ordinarily plain-jane. So, I fear.

But I still want to know you. So help me out here. Disappear or make me notice you noticing me.

& just know this; I notice.

Stranger (:

2009-11-12T21:27:00.002+08:00

Today has got to be one of my favourite days (: Everything was so awesome.

I guess it started off with me being able to wake up and finish my spanish work and then went off to watch one episode of Grey's Anatomy. Season 6 started off really depressing but it was freaaaking amazing still!

I left the house feeling a little down because I keep wanting to skip spanish today. Dont know why but ALL that changed the minute I was queing up for bus 61 (: I looked to my left and guess who's walking towards me man. MR. WHITE HEADPHONES! :D I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't smile at him walking towards me. So he was right beside me and I just had to tell someone about it if not I would have burst out laughing and he'd think I'm WEIRD. So I messaged twin and then the bus came. I sat near the doors cos he usually sits like further up front but guess what. HE SAT BEHIND ME. Whaaaat lah. I cant see him LOL. Anyway, twin was asking me to take a photo. HOW TO! Turn around and stare at him and stuff the phone into his face and take photo right? I WISH. Woah, but it was damn thrilling and I dont like it. I dont know how to act around him ): I kept smiling to myself on the bus and I'm so sure he saw because, did I mention, he's right behind me! HAHA. He probably thinks I'm some weirdo.

Thankfully the bus ride was pretty long. LOL. Cos he walks fast and after he got off the bus and crossed the bridge and walked towards convention centre, I lost him. LOL.

Went to class and continued smiling to myself. I did well today as well. My spanish teacher said "Perfecto" (: HAHA, cos my sentence was completely right. I ROCK.

I smiled my way back home and I'm still smiling now. Marianne's a happy girl with Mr. White Headphone is around (:

I don't like how it feels I guess. How seeing him makes my heart beat so much faster. How my eyes cannot meet his. How each time our eyes do meet, its like he's staring straight into the very heart of me. I dont like how he's the one I want to see everyday. I dont like how I cannot control my actions when he's around. I dont like to think that I'm falling for him but somehow I think I am.

& just know this; I notice.

WOW.

2009-11-10T21:59:00.002+08:00

Time for a proper nice length-ed blog entry.

So here's what's been going on in the life of Marianne Chan. She's been having fun with friends in school. She's feeling more a part of the class than she's ever been and occasionally, she looks back and sees the many memories that the others have where she is not in them. But she reminds herself she can create newer ones before poly life is over (:

Anyway, enough of the 3rd person typing. So besides school, there's not much else. CYA's pretty fun since the SP peeps come over. Including twin and andrew! HAHA, andrew's like my brother mannn! AWESOME BUDDY (:

Oh, we did DID the other day. Dialogue in the dark. Where we walk around in the dark with a cane and had to feel around and use walls. We had a guide Hafiiz. I went in with Nisha, Caryn, Fiona and Cindy. Supposed to go in with hwee jian and all but ah well (: It was still great fun! Loads of screaming. Heard we're one of the noisiest groups that went in. Everyone kept saying they could hear us XD A few funny things happened in the dark. We kept touching each other, which was hilarious. Caryn squeezed the guide's tigh (PERV!), I banged a wall and someone said the guide was a wall! But the classic one was when Cindy sat on the TABLE at the cafe. And she even asked "WHY THE CHAIR SO HARD ONE?" Epic. It was super fun.

And I guess like what Nisha said on her blog, its US who are missing out. Not them. I'm amazed mostly by how the darkness appears intimidating at first and then there's a certain sort of calmness where you allow your mind to wonder free and paint pictures in your mind. I believe the blind see things so much more vibrantly than we do. It was an eye-opening experience for me. Ironically. I guess that's what they mean by looking into the mind's eye? Haha.

Today during Juliet's class we learnt about physical disabilities. The one thing that kept playing in my mind was how much love the parent has. To see your own child in so much pain, every single day. My heart ached. Especially when I saw the video of the little kid wo couldn't even sit down because of his condition, spina bifida. I mean, imagine a childhood where all you can do is lie flat on your stomach all day long. And those with brittle bones? You cant even run, cant even walk too fast or do anything too rigorous. Imagine living with the fear of fracturing every bone in your body everyday.

What amazed me was how amazingly strong these people were. Strong in mind, strong in spirit. It amazed me at how optimistic they are, how cheerful and how they choose to live life to the fullest, knowing that each day is the last.

And it is true. They are the ones who teach us to truly love, believe and live. We may think we have the upperhand, we're more fortunate but we're wrong. They are probably the ones who are here to make us understand and see things in wider perspectives. In a different way.

All this, is exactly why I want to be in this course. Its exactly why I want to interact with humans and meet people who will be my inspiration to live life to the maximum.

So, dont tell me about how bad your day is any longer. Tell me what you've experienced. What you have done to make it better. For at least we dont live in fear and pain everyday. We're not challenged by everything around us everyday. We're not faced with all sorts of obstacles. Most of all, we're not faced with the denial of society.

And that's just my 2 cents worth on physical disabilities. Its extraordinary.

& my passion renewed (:

Bittersweet.

2009-11-09T23:34:00.002+08:00

Bittersweet, that's how I feel.

Anyway, school's been fun I guess (: I'm glad to have HO4 around to cheer me up, regardless of what kind of a day it is. Today I had to remind myself tons of times that it's no longer my responsibility.

Anyway, I finished Grey's Anatomy season 5. Its damn sweet please. Still brings tears to my eyes. Well, I dont think I've got much to blog about these days. Its just school, home, school, home. But at least its good school and good home.

& sick cycle carousel.

SPANISHHH

2009-11-05T23:34:00.003+08:00

Cabbed to school this morning thinking I was gonna be late but NOOO. I was earliest among the 3 LOL. Makes me wonder why I cabbed. But I wanted to treat myself to something so I cabbed right to the bus stop right outside ngee ann okay. Anyway, our group meeting was pretty good (: Sorted out stuff and by next wednesday we'd have 2 group projects done! :D

Today we had spanish test! My teacher was nice enough to give us homework last week that was what we had to write for our test today so we would already know how to write it! (: Nice guy aye! Anyway, it was pretty good I guess. We then watched Volver (Coming Back) in spanish! I watched it once on okto and liked it but watching it again was great because I caught some parts that I missed the first time. It was a truly touching story (: Then we went off home. The bus stop was freaking packed please and it was pouring like no one's business.

I'm gonna try getting the song Penelope Cruz sang in Volver. Its damn nice! :D

Came home worked on the vid and guess what? Suddenly I cant play it back. But I swear the bloopers are damn funny! Love HO4 always (:

& no hay worries!

HO4!

2009-11-05T00:22:00.002+08:00

Today's been an epic day (:

Filming with HO4 after school was horrendously funny! Nisha stayed back to watch us too. It was so darn funny please. We were laughing till our stomachs hurt. This group is just so so so fun and easy going. I like the way it works. :D Thanks HO4!

Ran off to CYA where I was hugged like 500 times ah! HAHA, dot and her boy went off to eat. Matt and Viv also ran off. So it was left with me, john, twin, andrew, jessica and dom. We went to serene centre's mac's then went to island creamery for ICE CREAM! (: Then we just sat there and talked about gay pervs, music and anything else we could think off!

Nothing better than having HO4 and CYA in the same day!

Well, off to sleep now because there's spanish tomorrow! TEST OKAY. Damn scary! ): And assignments are starting to pile up!

& deck the halls (:

LOVE!

2009-11-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

Happy day, everyday (:

Today's special though. Had school and had fun with HO4 as always. Lunched at underpass area with Sarali, technically cos only 2 of us were eating! Then had fun whining about B&B and nonsense at the back of LT with Nisha and Sarali.

Went home too early I guess. Did not see white headphones. Oh well. Not fated XD

Completed all the work I set out to do! (: Shall do spanish tomorrow. OH, CYA tomorrow :D Excitingggg! HAHA. One of my favourite bunches of people!

Anyways, why today's extra happy is because I finally found time to message my dearest dearest HII SIEWYI (: My lovely babe's still the best ever! We have multiple dates now :D I love her so very very much. Its like what HO4 were talking about. Having friends you can not talk to for months but when you do talk, you feel like nothing's changed one bit (:

Love is what I feel now :D

& I know what I want and what I want is right here with you (:

2 nights (:

2009-11-01T23:39:00.002+08:00

Well, what can I say? 2 great nights in a row (:

Met with Isaac, Dom, Andrew and Alex for dinner at Astons last night then went to TCC for supper and coffee. Awesome company, great food. First time we're telling each other our life story! XD

Today has been a pretty awesome day too! Met with the my group which is now called HO4! HAHA. We finished what we could then went downstairs to talk with the girls! :D Had fun talking about alot of things until they almost missed their last train I think! But I'm glad (: Think we got to know each other just a little bit better! Heh.

& arrow (:

Magic

2009-10-30T22:33:00.002+08:00

Listening to Jason Mraz and recapping the day. What could ever be better?

Today has got to be one of the most enjoyable days ever! Had about 4 hours or lesser of shutting up thanks to Pledge Of Silence! Supposed to be 8 hours but I broke it after like 4 hours? XD Hey, longest time I didnt talk at all okay! Anyways, it was pretty good. Not talking at all. Everything goes on in the mind and its clear, not mushed up. I kinda liked it (:

So after school we went off for our group meeting which I'd say is one of the best I've had so far! Yes, in all my life in poly. It felt like a group and we weren't just working but having fun while working. Its like how things should be (: Well, at least we're off to a pretty good start!

Well, everyone's getting attached XD Random I know. I dont get how people can get boyfriend after boyfriend. LOL. Makes me think 'am I too picky? or is it just that I'm not like date-able' HAHA, but doesn't matter.

Whooo, JASON MRAZ MAN.

Anyway, the other day's CYA was pretty alright I guess! With Isaac gone it feels a little different I guess! Ah wells. Andrew came over! :D We went to makan and I still owe him lots of moneyyyy XD Yeah, mad jacks was good too (:

'A's always right beside B; just like you're always beside me.' (:

& well you're magic he said but dont let it all go to your head.

Good day!

2009-10-27T21:15:00.002+08:00

Today there's only 2 words to describe the day at school. MUY BIEN! I swear I like the way things are. HAHA. But I know it wont stay this way forever.

Lecture in the morning was kinda fun. I got 'Star-ed' by hwee jian who broke her vege diet today XD TSK TSK! Lunch with Nisha and Sarali at SIM (SMI) was pretty good too (: Good food, good company. On the way back I got honked! Back to the LT for brain and behavior. Understood 1/2 of the lecture and had fun cracking jokes. Like some girl's laughter and 'No-ho-ho-ho'.

Went to atrium and ate DONUTTTT (: Then headed home and saw someone I forgot after the long long holiday! I saw my bus 61 eyecandy, looking cuter than ever :D I had almost the whole bus ride to feast my eyes please. LOL. Awesome (:

So yeah, today Uncle Raymond is put to rest once and for all. The people who came for the funeral was tremendous. Crying but smiling. He's lived a great life and has made so many friends! (: We'll miss him loads.

& laugh till you cry, cry till you laugh (:

great (:

2009-10-27T00:05:00.004+08:00

Was late for class today ): I need to get back to sleeping early damn it.

Glenn's class was pretty fun I guess! Then went off to bukit timah plaza with most of the girls for KFC (: Reminds me all the time that this is what a class should be like. Anyway, it made me happy. Had to go back to school for meeting and then ended up sitting in the corner of the room on the floor writing my love song and now its done! Made some changes though. Heh.

OH, met matthew han at bllk 56! LOL. WHAT AN ASS SERIOUSLY.

Matthew: *rubs tits* MARIANNE! I'm waving. Why you never wave back?
Marianne: *rubs head* MATTHEW HAN! CAN I RUB HERE INSTEAD? XD
Matthew: Oh can luh. My there also have hair.
Marianne: WTHHHHH!
Matthew: Marianne! Are you nursing?
Me: No, I'm not nursing! XD
Matthew: They seem to have gotten bigger!

PS, our voice level on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the softest and 10 being the loudest, was 10! I'm so not exagerrating and there;s like 100 people walking around there and waiting for the lift! XD Embarrassing luh wtf. I dont like discussing my assets so publicly -.- I turned back and guess what? The dude behind me was smirking. DIRTY PIECE OF DUNGGG. But yeah, nice seeing him again (: HAHA.

Brain & Behavior was pretty taxing. I wonder why its always after lunch ): All the blood's in my stomach and not my brain. OH, explains why I behave in such ways LOL. Mr Fred's voice is damn thunderous! I was seriously wondering if he could shut up for a bit cos it was so damn loud.

Came home and only managed to play my guitar for a bit before heading off for dinner and then Uncle Raymond's wake. Guess I almost cried when I heard that Aunty Rebecca drove to some place and cried her eyeballs out. DAMN SAD PLEASE. Well, at least he's with God now :D
Alright. Hopefully I get more rest tomorrow. My eyes can hardly stay open. Shitttt.

Buenas Noches Amigos. Adios!

& you and I in one ecstatic escapade (:

Happy & Sad.

2009-10-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

My dad's best friend passed away today. He was known as the glue of the people and forever will be. Even in his death, friends gathered to send him off and relive nostalgic times.

I was expecting to be bored to death but ended up having a pretty cool conversation with one of my dad's friend's nephew who's 23 years old and taking psychology and learning to play the guitar. So much in common (: We had so much to talk about.

Anyway, farm mart is a pretty cool place to go. The uncle let me hold his bird! Okay, that sounded wrong. The uncle let one of the birds in the store perch on my hand and it wont fly away! How cool is that! HAHAHA.

So yes, happy and sad is what I feel. Back to school tomorrow after the weekend. So much to do, so little time.

& in my fairytale, you play your part (:

Of tattoos (:

2009-10-24T21:47:00.003+08:00

Long post in a long while (:

I read a chapter of brain and behavior and got distracted by the laptop. I youtubed, read blogs, chatted and facebooked and then I went to deviant art. Which made me ever more excited about getting my tattoo asap. Maybe I'll get it next year! XD Just a year before the allocated time anyway! Well, I've found about 26 tattoo designs that I kind of like, and those are just symbols. I haven't even got to words yet. Anyway, there's one I found that about the love for music which I think is a must to tattoo on myself.

I'm freaking high.

Anyways, I also youtubed, as mentioned above and found this video of Adam Lambert which reminded me of why I wanted him to win. People should stop seeing people as gay or not gay and just see them as human beings with talents.

Brilliant aye? (: Urgh, my mind's still on the tattoos. Haha. I'm so sure I'm gonna get one soon! Probably on my birthday next year. Hmmm, sponsors anyone? LOL. I hope I dont cry though. How embarrassing.

Anyway, I also discovered Kings Of Leon. I know 'Use Somebody' has been SO SO over covered already but I'm talking about their older unknown songs. Damn good. The lead's voice is pure sex XD

So here's the picture of what I'll probably want on me.

Simple but says quite a bit. Next thing is where to tattoo this? No way my parents can see it or I'll probably die. Plus cost of the thing is gonna be hard to explain it. Ah well. We'll worry when the time comes (: I'M STOKED MAN.

Prawning on mondayyy yooo! (: AWESOME. Hahaha. YO ME LLAMO MUY BIEN! :D

& life has ups and downs, now its up.

Español!

2009-10-22T20:57:00.002+08:00

Awesome day today! Seriously amazing.

Started off pretty nerve wrecking. I didnt know anyone and I was almost late so I burst into the classroom to see like 15 eyes staring at me 0.0. Like wth. LOL. Then someone starts saying ¡Hola! to me and so I look up and HELLO its this young dude with black curly hair and best of all, DIMPLES! The most miraculous two concaving holes in one's face that one can ever have. HAHA, okay, overrated but yeah. A change from the usual Asian face.

So we start the lesson and my gosh its damn freaking fun I swear I am so not making hype out of nothing. I was high through the whole lesson.

Really brings out my passion for language I guess. How alphabets get together to form new words. Note: I said ALPHABETS not strokes haha. Chinese is one language I'll never find passion for. But my gosh. Spanish is gonna be like my next favourite language (: Oh guess what, THEY SPEAK SPANISH IN CUBA!!!! WHEEE, just nice. I didnt know LOL. So yes, I left school with the biggest smack of a smile on my face :D

Highlight of the day: SPANISHHHH!

LOL. Superbly fun (: I cant wait for the next lesson. HAHA, 3rd lesson have exams already XD And my spanish name's Martina LOL. How hilarious. And we have homework that I've finished doing cos I was so hyped up about learning spanish. What more Maestro Esteban is such a funny fella too, made the whole class fun! Oh, and his surname's McCutcheon. SOUNDS FAMILIAR? XD

Whee, so yes. I'm in love with Spanish now. Whoopee!

Oh, come on T03. Cant we just be ONE class once more instead of different groups? Makes school so much more fun :D

& my little runaway (:

Best day!

2009-10-21T21:24:00.003+08:00

Today's been one of the best days since school started I guess (: Had million truckloads of happy times with the whole class. I guess I was thinking too much.

I feel alive. I might be helping out with YWCA on saturdays from now on. With their kids (: AWESOME.

So I have my first 2 assignments to worry about already. Probably gonna like read textbooks more regularly and make side notes and shit. XD Time to step up my game right? LOL. About time anyway.

So I think my life's back on track.

And to Wan, thanks love (: I'm okay really. Just had kind of a internal struggle lol. I'm okay now (:

Marianne's back to being a happy girl. But I'm nervous about tomorrow. New classmates because I know no one in the class. New language because I know zero spanish. But exciting as well! LOVE IT. HAHA, hope it goes well though (: I'm gonna go with open heart, mind and mouth XD

I guess I'm not alone. Alot of other people have felt that this sem has started off on the wrong foot for them and to all those who feel that this sem is dreadful, hang in there because I believe there's a reason for it and once you find the reason, you'll definitely be able to solve it and start being happy again. If all else fails, just think about how we only have 1.5 yrs left together in poly. We shouldn't waste anymore time by feeling down so smile ya'll! (:

I pray for so much more days like today (:

Tegan & Sara. I just wanted to put up a photo since we haven't taken any photos in a long time. And this photo is awesome looking I think (:

& better days :D

Selfish.

2009-10-20T22:03:00.002+08:00

I guess I've been selfish. I guess I have to apologise to Nisha and Sarali after reading Nisha's blog. I've been trying so hard to find a place once more that I'm keeping them from the others. Which is damn freaking unacceptable. So, I'm sorry girls for being so selfish.

Anyway, today's alright I guess. I need to find my groove again. I dont know. LOL. Ah well, I feel better already at least. I think I know what I gotta do to make everything alright again (:

I apologise to T03 then. Every single one of you. For different reasons I guess but still.

I know I'm selfish. The world shouldn't revolve around me. I feel like doing some volunteery work somewhere. Dont get me wrong. I'm not being nice or anything. I feel like I need that to get love back in my heart. So I just might (:

I was reminded last night. Someone sms-ed me "Little miss free prisoner, let your mind just wonder..." and it was like a reminder that I'm different and its okay to be different. I need to stay focused and grounded.

& I look in the mirror and dont like what I see; but at least I'm doing something about it.

First day

2009-10-19T22:06:00.003+08:00

Today wasn't as bad as expected I guess. Many things have changed, even the things I planned changed so oh well. I will deal with it because I have to not because I want to. But I will (:

Dr. Juliet's lessons should be interesting I hope. Sounds interesting enough. Had lunch with the girls of the class. I guess I miss all that noise and cheer haha, even though I dont know what they're talking about 95% of the time since they keep talking about camp. Cant be helped I guess (: I just wanna start with school work and drown in it now.

Anyway, I've decided to start learning driving this coming march. Watching my brother drive just gives me the passion to learn it asap! Imagine the thrill of it man. Whoo!

Roarrr, I think I'm pms-ing or something. Mixedddddd. I need to remember.

Love dammit, love. I need to radiate joy. Hah.

Well, more school tomorrow. Yay? I dont know LOL. I think the only times I look forward to is when I'm on the bus with NIsha and Sarali. I dont feel judgemental eyes from them. Not that I feel it from the rest of the class but yeah. Guess I still feel like shrinking into a ball and die. Sometimes.

Regina Spektor - Rejazz
Thought I'd cry for you forever
But I couldn't so I didn't
People's children die and they don't even cry forever
Thought I'd see your face in my mind for all time
But I don't even remember what your ears looked like

And the clock still strikes midnight and noon
And the sun still rises and so does the moon
Birds still migrate south and people move on
Even though I'm no longer in your arms
Thought the mountain would crumble
And the rivers would bend
But I thought all wrong and the world did not end
Guess the maps will just have to stay the same for a while
Didn't even need therapy to rehabilitate my smile
Rehabilitate my smile

Thought I'd cry for you forever
But I couldn't so I didn't...

& rehabilitate my smile.

(:

2009-10-18T19:26:00.003+08:00

For all those who still bother reading this, school's starting ya'll! (: HAHA, I'm excited. Think I've said it loads of time. Its a fresh start for me I guess. If anyone's to be worried its me. I have not met ANYONE in class for a damn long time besides Lanze so yeah. Its gonna be weird.

Today, the messgae in church was to learn to love. Those who disagree with us or are difficult with us are a challenge to us to love them. So I'm gonna let go of this burden in my heart and be better than that. (:

So, see you all tomorrow :D

Peace (: I'm looking forward to meeting Sarali and Nisha and Fiona :D And going back for CYA :D Whoopee! Now, I gotta iron clothes.

LOVE LOVE LOVE (:

& there's only so much one should reveal (:

Fine (:

2009-10-17T17:51:00.003+08:00

Change of blogskin once more because something's wrong with the old one. Decided monochromes are the best for me. So, I deleted all the messages on my tagboard. It's like a new start.

No, I havent picked up the courage to delete all my old posts as well. Not just yet.

Anyway, I'm feeling way better than I did yesterday (: I guess what really cheered me up was the email from Sarali on behalf of herself and NIsha XD They're damn cute please. They took a photo of the 'JOY' along orchard road and sent it to me. I beamed, I swear.

I'm ready so bring it on :D I'm so so ready. HAHA.

& I'd never wish more than to spend life like this.

Sure.

2009-10-16T00:08:00.003+08:00

Watch (500) Days Of Summer with Lanze today (: Thought provoking as expected.

You can see the whole push-pull theory.

Today's one of those days where I dont know what the world wants from me.

I'm feeling highly neurotic at the moment. Oh wait, ever since yesterday when I started youtubing X Factor contestants. No idea why. I wanna cry my eyeballs out.

So much to feel but so little time.

Dont tell me I'm a drama queen because we all are in one way or another. Drama or drag. You decide.

I didnt get to take vids today. My voice wasnt cooperating with me.

Superbly haunting yet awesome song. Must love (:

& epicly fabulous days; morbidly melancholic nights.

Tomorrow.

2009-10-14T22:51:00.002+08:00

Today's been boring. Highlight of the day was watching 'Finding Neverland". Its such an inspiring show (: Plus, johnny depp and kate winslet. What more could you ask for?

So here's what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I'm gonna take more vids of me singing in the toilet. Oh, I might do a change in scenery. Depending. I'll probably do a cover because I think people are kinda tired of hearing my own song. So I'm gonna do my own rendition 'I See Red' by Uh Huh Her (: Maybe I'll do mystery lights too. See how. JUst jam and record and see what comes out XD

Then I'm off to see 500 Days Of Summer (: Whoopee.

Tomorrow will probably be my last exciting day. HAHA. So sad right? But no, I enjoy my quiet times alone.

Congrats to Sam anyway for getting into a uni. BIG TREAT DURING COUNTDOWN YOOOO! (:

I watched this today and many other auditions and all. I love it. I cried my eyebals out. Somehow, my tearducts only react to music. HAHA. It seems to be the only thing that makes me cry.

& tap dance on my heart; send shivers down my spine.

Jam Jam

2009-10-13T21:00:00.003+08:00

What can I say? Today's been pretty awesome (:

Met Adam and went off to his church to jam! Pretty awesome shit luh. HAHA. We should do it more often man.

Anyway, went off to esplanade where we played more guitar then just sat by the river side and enjoyed the damn good wind. "The world's such a gloomy place with transition lenses." HAHA. Sadly. Then went home. LOL. Anti climatic ending. Well, highlights were definitely the jamming part!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=168098453856#/video/video.php?v=168098453856&ref=nf

For those who wanna watch the vid of us singing one of Adam's own song.

Photos when I get them from him XD

& call me the queen of one liners (:

Mac's

2009-10-12T20:45:00.003+08:00

I watched Divas and fell in love with Adele's voice all over again. (: I love her voice and she's so freaking cute she ran off the stage! XD

This is what Marcus and I did today (: Sit in Mac's and tear up the receipt. LOL. Then I had to rush home again. Tsk. Anyways, I've learnt "Call Your Name". Now its just a matter of singing and strumming at the same time LOL.

& keep my heartbreak in the dark

Love (:

2009-10-11T22:07:00.003+08:00

Hello all, Marianne's a happy girl (: She has started her first day of keeping love in her heart.

Guess I almost failed when I started talking to myself in my head but I stopped myself in time and took myself out of the situation as fast as I could.

Anyway,last week of holidays. Last week to sort out whatever it is I need to sort out and then school starts which means start of more adventure, more madness, more work and more knowledge (: So looking forward.

I think I've went through another transformation this holiday. I've been with loneliness and dealt with it transforming it into independence. I no longer fear being alone :D

So yes, I know most of the class is off to camp tomorrow till wednesday. Hope they have truckloads of fun (: HAHA, sad I couldn't join them.

Oh, I had 3 dreams. In one night. First one was the most bizarre one I guess. It was Lanze being banged by a car and he was rolling down the sloping road. Damn scary okay! I dont know its so random. 2nd and 3rd are kinda linked. I hope the 3rd happens but I'm sure the 2nd will happen first. Anyway, whatever happens, I'm glad it happens because I'm prepared and done.

So yay. I'm pretty stoked and contented and like I said, I alreadydecided so now its prayers and patience (: HAHA.

Bat For Lashes - Sleep Alone
You know my darling I can't stand to sleep alone
No sweetheart in the dark to call my own
You're my own, you're my own, I can sing it, I can grow
But the darkness is a stranger in our lonely, lonely, lone.

Last night's parties and last nights horrorshow
Smiling and welling and kissing all I know
Give my soul, give my soul, sing it free across the sea
Lonely spell to conjure but conjure hell is all I do

Lonely, lonely, lonely, his mother told me
The dream of love is a two hearted dream
Lonely, loney, loney, his mother told me
[ Bat for Lashes Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
The dream of love is a two hearted dream

They say for every heart high there must be a low, low, low, low
And with every sun ascending a lonesome moon will grow, grow, grow, grow
Drive my heart, drive my heart, into the fire of a burning heart's desire
The only spells you'll be seeing, do you hear me coming in my blue dream

Lonely, loney, loney, cos my mother told me
The dream of love is a two hearted dream
Lonely, lonely, lonely,
The dream of love is a two hearted dream

& the dream of love is a two hearted dream; I need your's to dream with me.

Mmmm.

2009-10-10T21:58:00.002+08:00

I guess the reason I didn't update this blog much before was because I didnt like it here. But now that I've changed the blogskin, its awesome (: And so I'm here everyday :D

Today's been alright I guess. I read The Valkyries and there's this part speaking about breaking a pact. I think I have to break mine before I get back in touch with everything. Went to Suntec and walked around aimlessly.

Guess what? I'm not telling anyone but yeah. HAHA.

I should talk about my lime green earphones. They're called "Philips", they're green. They come with "Jack" who has 2 holes and a tail where you can connect any other "Philips", "Panasonic", "Audio-technica" or any other earphone of any shape and colour to it! How awesome is that? Did I mention, ITS LIME GREEN? Bubbles, that's what the wrapping says I think. For those worried about the sound, trust me. The audio is solid as a rock and the earphones fit beautifully in your ear hole. So, go down to any electrical shop and get your very own Bubbles Philips Earphones today! Earphones also come in hot pink (ew) and baby blue!

Daughtry - Call Your Name
You never said, you never said, you never said that it would be this hard
Love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard
There's got to be a better way for me to say what's on my heart without leaving scars
So can you hear me when I call your name?

When you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said
With a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low
But can you hear me when I call your name?
When I call your name

Complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong
And I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long
There's got to be a better way for me to say what's on my heart without leaving scars
So can you hear me when I call your name?
So can you hear me when I call your name?

When you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said
With a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low
[ Daughtry Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
But can you hear me when I call your name?

You never said, you never said, you never said, you never said
(When I call your name)
You never said, you never said, you never said, you never said
(When I call your name)

Yeah

When you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said
With a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low
But can you hear me when I call your name?

When you fall apart, am I the reason for your endless sorrow?
There's so much to be said
With a broken heart, your walls can only go down but so low
But can you hear me when I call your name?

I'm gonna learn this song. To play and to sing because its such a beautiful song (: I like.

& can you hear me, when I call your name?

Ear phones!

2009-10-09T00:20:00.002+08:00

I'm in love with my new earphones because they're not just green, they're LIME GREEN and has this awesome kick ass duo plug thing so others can plug in their earphones and we can have 2 earphones in one jack. How awesome is that?!?!?! (: Oh so happy.

Anyways, new blogskin. Hope you guys like it. Spent a day with twin today. Ended damn badly but ah well.

I guess I dont have much to blog about these days.

Thanks anyway, for all the comments and stuff on the facebook vids (: Greatly appreciated!

I'm actually looking forward to going back to school! I dont know. I guess I miss the class as a whole. So I'm looking forward to starting school with new attitude, new outlook, new perspectives :D

I no longer fear being alone.

About love, well let's just say my heart's kept away for a while (:

& rewind.

Better days (:

2009-10-05T22:10:00.002+08:00

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

& I wish (:

Mmmm.

2009-10-03T21:07:00.002+08:00

I dont know how to describe this feeling I'm having. Its so weird. Its not on the spectrum of happy or sad LOL.

Anyways, for those who dont understand, dont bother to. HAHA. Here's a puny little clue for you, this next song and I've only started feeling this way since last night. ROAR.

Automatic Loveletter - When we first met
When we're together we drift away
Often out of sight
We feel things that we can't explain
If we try hard we just might

Shake shake baby on and on
We're gonna break break, break on out
Shake shake baby on and on
We're gonna break break, break on out

Sweep me off of my feet
Take me back to the beginning
The night when we first met
So me and you can keep a secret
You're not close enough to hear it

The night when we first met
The night when we first met
We first met
The night when we first met

Waves crash down, the moon is high
Take my hand, lead me in
Our clothes are on the shore, the waters cold
We keep each other warm

Shake shake baby on and on
We're gonna break break, break on out
Shake shake baby on and on
We're gonna break break, break on out

Sweep me off of my feet
Take me back to the beginning
The night when we first met
So me and you can keep a secret
You're not close enough to hear it

The night when we first met
The night when we first met
We first met
The night when we first met

We are in love
We are in love
We are young and in love
In love
In love

Sweep me off of my feet
Take me back to the beginning
The night when we first met
So me and you can keep a secret
You're not close enough to hear it

What they don't know can't hurt
It felt so right when you kissed me
Close your eyes and you miss me
The night when we first met
Shooting stars got us wishing
That our eyes pay attention

The night when we first met
The night when we first met
We first met
The night when we first met

& sweep me off my feet; take me back to the beginning (:

Nice Surprise.

2009-10-03T00:24:00.003+08:00

Today we were grazed with the honour of having James Tan Yong Hui's presence among us LOL.

Had loads of kick ass fun - from laughing and teasing the waiters to quarreling to 'I want the degree, the piece of paper'.

Northpoint isn't so bad after all I guess (:

Anyway, I guess everytime I meet James I'm reminded of why I used to like him so much. Just remembering the times where we sat at the spiral stairs waiting for him to walk by. Glad he's doing fine in army though (:

Sam, me, HM and James (: Compliments to Chris who helped us out with the photo taking. Heh.

Lazy butterfly napping on me
Dreaming of the sky and rolli pollies
Wake up, wake up, clouds are coming, clouds are coming
Wake up, wake up, rains are falling, rains are falling

Colors in my eye are staring at me
Anchor at my side the sweetest silver
Pleasure, pleasure, don’t forget her, don’t forget her
Lover, love her, I won’t forget her, I won’t forget her

Seashell fingernail scratching at me
Brown eyed lullaby singing at me
Come on, come on, try and catch me, try and catch me
Come on, come on, try and catch me, try and catch me

Cardinal cloudsmoke I know they feel it
Rising from an oak because I feel it
He burn, he burn, mesmerizing, mesmerizing
He burn, he burn, hypnotizing, hypnotizing

Hopeful wise old worm in his temple
Digging in the dirt and staying simple
Married, married, to the dessert to the dessert
Climbing, climbing, up a ladder up a ladder

New born hummingbird in a meadow
Suckling at the flow of its shadow
See the day that fish will fist you, fish will fist you!
It’s never too late, I’d like to think so, I’d like to think so

Knife stuck in her paw someone help her
Gather sticks and straw and build her shelter
Don’t you, don’t you, let her die yet, let her die yet
Don’t let, don’t let, let her die yet, let her die yet

& I'm glad I dont see him everyday.

Crazyyy

2009-10-01T11:17:00.002+08:00

Okay, I know I've been missing for a few days but I'm back.

Tuesday night was awesome (: Outings with Dot & Sharon are awesome! Went to watch movie with Andrew, Sharon, Dot, Ransom and Dom. HEH. Wanted to watch 9 but we ended up watching PHOBIA 2. As expected the girls screamed and screamed while the guys laughed and laughed. It was damn freaking funny please. And dont ask how the movie was. It was pathetically hilarious and freaky at the same time. Hard to describe. We then wanted to EAT so we decided to make a trip down to Marina Square to visit Dot's SOMEONE SOMEONE(SS) EHH. Then we went to Mac's to chill and eat and then waited for Dot's SS until 11+pm and then we took a damn bloody long train home! But it was fun cos we were taking these like videos (on facebook 'Opinions of a Teenager'). Its damn hilarious. Seriously. Then after Bishan we had serious talk (: Which was so nice because we were all on the same frequency. Mmmhmm. So I missed the last bus home so Andrew, being the awesome brother he is, walked me home and we talked more about our lives. HAHA, I then went home and slept.

Woke up the next morning and went tanning with my brother Lanze (: We wanted to start at 10.30am but because we're both such sloths we ended up tanning at 12pm LOL. But the sun was so freaking good! We got a damn good and nice tan. Plus, we went into the water for a dip (: Superb! Then off we went to his workplace where we got free coke. HAHA. Then we went off to wait for Rach, HJ and Jia Wen. Met Rach and HJ at Shaw house then went to Mos burger for lunch (soup) when shorty came! So off we went, wanting to watch Inglorious Basterds but the people had such bad attitude! *shakes head* HORRIBLE I TELL YOU. So we ended up sitting there and eating dinner XD We then decided to look for some people's presents and then we sat at Starbucks and had a really weird conversation! XD But it was fun and then we went seperate ways home. Got home and got a BLAAAAASTING from my mom cos its been 2 nights in a row that Im home late. LOL. OOPS.

But it was all good fun (: Glad to know I have friends like that. Awesome 2 nights out!

Anyways people, if anyone feels like they're losing faith in love already, my advise would be to watch Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist! Its such an awesome show and sweet (: It made me believe in love all over again so yeah. HAHA. So here's my favourite part, its not the whole part but most of it and the song is damn cute.

& I wanna be your thing, your anything your everything oh yeah (: