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{ Dreamer }
Definition:

1. a person who dreams.

2. a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.

3. a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.
{ Marianne }

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
It was always you.

{ Past. }

January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 October 2012 January 2013 March 2013 July 2013 August 2013 January 2014 September 2014 January 2015 July 2015

{ Sunday, February 17, 2008 }

I feel stupid. But more of empty. Really empty inside. I cried my eyeballs out. First time in this relationship. I've just never felt so hurt and helpless. It hurts to know. My best guess is you've found someone else. Let me know if that is it. Then just let me go.

Now I really dont feel like going to work tomorrow. I dont want to see you having fun with everyone else but ignoring me. I dont want to. I cannot take it really. I'm afraid I'd breakdown in the office and cry. That's gonna be damn bad. I'm gonna take half day on tuesday. Twin bought me Magarita so I'm gonna drink. Maybe get a bit more by myself and get drunk. I wanna stay out all day and just wonder around.

I wanted things to stay alright. To be back to normal. What changed? I want to know. It hurts. It really does. It's hurts even more to know that I've had so little impact on your life that you wont even remember me on the street if you saw me in a month. I know I mean little to you. I was told not to doubt how much you love me. I dont. I doubt my ability to make you love me. And somehow I know it's gonna be torturous. Tomorrow is gonna be a horrible day. Oh maybank, what have you done?

Perhaps our lives are just a joke.
So suffocating it makes us choke.
The silly things that we've done,
Seem so foolish though loads of fun.
Yet when there are cuts this deep,
We find it somehow, impossible to sleep.
Darkness surrounds this poor soul.
Barren inside, she feels so cold.
Crying they say should ease the pain
Tears flowing down, she's hardly sane.
Why? She asks so many times.
There was no reason, there was no rhyme.
She gave more freely than she ever did
Feeling unappreciated she started to plead.
That all will be well once again.
That love would not do her in again.
On the surface she still seems calm,
But deep inside its a riot with arms.
One part screams "Let me go!"
Yet another still wants to hold.
She saw the signs and read them right,
Now it's all coming into sight.
Her fears revealed to her one by one
And she awaits the fatal blow to come.

I still love you I wont deny. More than anything else in the world. And its hurting so much right now I now I wont get sleep tonight. Everything just has to fall apart does it? Not a single thing in my life have I ever been succesful. What have I accomplished in life? NOTHING. Without you it's worse. Let me go? A bigger part of me hopes you wont. You're still the only light that fills the emptiness. There's nothing more without you here. And I'll be waiting till you decide and I'll always be here to listen to you, if you ever need a listening ear. We used to be really close friends we could be again. It'd be painful but at least I still get to see you. =/ I miss you. I miss us.


{ fin }