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{ Dreamer }
Definition:

1. a person who dreams.

2. a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.

3. a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.
{ Marianne }

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
It was always you.

{ Past. }

January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 October 2012 January 2013 March 2013 July 2013 August 2013 January 2014 September 2014 January 2015 July 2015

{ Monday, November 30, 2009 }

I'm in love with the letter J. HAHA, I swear if white headphone's name starts with a 'J' I'd fall straight in love with him XD And I do believe I'm gonna marry a guy who's name starts with a J. If I ever get married that is.

I mean come on. James, Jared, Jason. LOL. ARGHHH! I'm going a little crazy over Jared Leto all over again. Have you heard the new album? Its fucking brilliant. I don't usually use the word in the entries these days but I'll say it once more. Its fucking brilliant. Its epic. I know Lanze said he was gonna buy the album and lend it to me but now, I want it for myself. So I'm gonna get it for myself (: Because I know its soooo worth it! HAHAHAH. ROAR.

Anyway, these few days have been pretty crazy I guess. So let's backtrack to Friday.

FRIDAY
Friday was HO4 day (: Met them and was kinda lost in Ion. How assed is that but yeah. Found Lanze then found the girls. Had fun taking photos and doing nonsense while Lanze typed away XD Then we went to Plaza Singapura to eat lunch at like 4+ almost 5pm LOL. Then went to get Tim's present which happens to still be in my bag XD It's really really cute though XD Yeah. Then had to go back home. Got a seat on 190 and I was so so so thankful (: Got home and everyone was more or less there. Family sushi eating gathering -.- So we sat around, ate sushi, played with cousins and all. My baby cousin likespoking my face and I'll say 'Ouch!" and he'll laugh. How sadistic. But oh so cute (: They all went home at around 12+am and I was exhausted by then so I just bathed and crawled into bed and could NOT sleep. I was tossing and turning and freaking out till about 3am before I fell asleep.

SATURDAY
Woke up a little later than I was supposed to so had to rush off to church for little baby Carlos's baptism. So damn cute but my spirits got super down low when twin was all sad and moody. I guess I just expected it to be a happy occasion. He called me a bimbo just because I probably giggled a little with Steffy at babies. ): That's just unfair. Seriously. So I got kinda pissed. I mean, already his mood's affecting me and then he goes and say that sort of thing in my face. I think I gave him my WTF face. LOL. I just wanted to have a good time but I wasn't. So we ate and went home. I didnt wanna stay around but I felt bad for Steffy cos she hasn't met us for so long and when she does we're like in such bad moods. LOL.

Went home and rested for a bit then went off to Jurong Point because I wanted to get balloons for Sharon! So I went there and got carried away shopping for presents XD I spent almost 15mins picking out balloons. They only had EXTREMELY HUGE balloons or EXTREMELY PUNY ones. So idiotic right? LOL. So I got the puny ones since I had to take the MRT to her place. XD They were nice small ones okay! I also bought her 2 notebooks, small ones from artbox. I WANTED TO BUY SOME FOR MYSELF BECAUSE THEIR NOTEBOOKS WERE SO FREAKING NICE. But no cash. So I wanted to wrap it but they took so long to get down to wrapping, I just got a green bag for the books. HAHA, it actually looked alot nicer than I thought it would look!

So bought everything and took the mrt to admiralty. Walked the wrong way and then walked the right way. We were supposed to be there at around 5pm but I got there at like 7pm and I thought I'd be the latest. So I popped into the house and was like "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" at Sharon with the balloons and I realised I was the first one there! XD So we sat around talked till Dot and Anabelle and Alaine and Dom came! We ate and she opened her pressies and then we adjourned to her room to talk about ghost stories at first and Dom and I had to represent John Tan since he couldn't make it XD Then out of no where the subject of tattoos were brought up! HAHA. Damn funny. Oh then we all decided to go home at 11.30pm so we did and I cabbed home and slept with a huge smile on my face! I loved it, those people really know how to make me smile (:

SUNDAY
I stayed home most of sunday morning (: Just lazing around at home and playing my guitar. HAHA. Really awesome. Then afternoon came, we went to Lot 1 for lunch and I got to buy new shoes because my shoes all died on me at the same time. All of them had something that was out of place or just broke so I needed new shoes immediately. So we ran into cotton on and grabbed a shoe and a skirt along the way XD Whoopee. Anyway, after lunch I started freaking out about the whole singing thing. And it finally came after mass. I'm glad so few stayed back to watch. HAHA. I was so freaked that when it was my turn I had to hold on to the stand because I was shaking so hard. Anyway, I thought I did good but nope. LOL. When I heard it back it was a DISASTER so nope. Not gonna put up the video on facebook HAHAHA. No way. Well, got it all down and then ran off for dinner and back home.

TODAY
Today sucks for the most part. I stayed home and was intending to send the girls off when my brother smses me to tell me I gotta stay home till he got home since he didnt bring his keys. Guess what time he got home? 2.45pm! ): How to go down luh. wthhh. So too bad, I ended up youtubing. Which made me HIGH TILL NOW. I found new gems and old gems! As you might already know, I youtubed 30 seconds to mars and heard one or two of their new songs and OMG ITS DAMN CRAZILY EPICLY GOOD! (: I love it and I'm gonna buy it. But another thing I found is Aussie band, Potbelleez. They do like dance music but its really nice and funky. So here's one of their vids :D





How awesome looking is that? (: I loved it the minute I saw it. So amazing (: So yes, I'm like clubbing to their songs in my room -.- No life. But yeah, its what I do.


Tomorrow: Shopping with HM
Wednesday: group meeting in the morning at city hall and then CYA at night! (: LOOKING FORWARD TO CYA (:
Thursday: Spanish class gathering! :D Food & movie!
Friday: Lunch with Adam and then to church!


Busy week. In between I'll be blogging, facebooking and doing my essays. Wish me luck peeps.

& are you with me?


{ fin }


{ Saturday, November 28, 2009 }

Okay, like I told Adam. Its a crush. If I'm in love I'd say I'm in love but still.

- aiya 18 (:
- not that old, not that young too
- he looks like a monkey all the same

Oh, and the winning statement of the night:
- ouch ciara trashed a nice car in the mtv :/


LOL. Tsk tsk.

& dont tug.


{ fin }


{ Thursday, November 26, 2009 }

Today was an awesome day (:

Met Jannah and Fathin earlier for practice. Went to class had some time to study and all of a sudden Maestro Esteban says "Okay, everyone out of the class except Martina." I was like WTH. That's me. Means I'm the first person to go for oral ): HAHA, but he's nice. He kept saying "It alright, its really simple." and I guess it really was kind of simple. :D Nice teacherrr! Anyway, went on to presentations and we got to drink Sangria or something like that and eat mexican stuff baked by one of the girls! Super nice. Its really funny because I think we only started warming up to each other TODAY. Which technically is the end of lessons. We're meeting up next week though, for movies and more mexican food as promised by Maestro Esteban :D Hope he doesn't burn his kitchen down though. XD

Amazing day of spanish. I so wanna go to Cuba now. Even more than before!

I watched Grey's Anatomy and you know what? It reminded me that CHRISTMAS IS COMING! (: Ask me out for christmas people (: I cant wait :D Christmas, singing and all! WHOOOO.

SINGINGGG (: HAHAHAHA. I'm high. I feel love from somewhere but dunno where LOL. Maybe its from friends and all.

GUESS WHAT! TODAY MARKS 2 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP WITH MY DEAREST DEAREST SIEWYI! It might seem like a really young friendship to many but I think its amazing how we met and how we went through so much together! It feels like we've known each other all our lives! (: I love that girl truckloads! :D

Today's also CINDY TAN PECK KAY'S birthday so if you haven't wished her and you read this, go wish her NOW.

Well, I guess that's all I have to blog about (: HHAHA, spanish, christmas, love and birthdays. Yup, that's about it (:

Oh wait. You know how you have a major crush on someone for a while? This is how screwwy it gets.

- what's your number? maybe i call you or something

LOL. Yup, it gets that screwwy that I notice things I otherwise wouldn't notice. Cheap thrills much? (: HAHA, but keeps me happy so yeah. He's like this with everyone because he's so freaking super the duper nice.

I still prefer white headphones though (: And I only got a sneak peek of him once this week. A 5 second glance. How sad is that? LOL.

& flip a coin (:


{ fin }


{ Wednesday, November 25, 2009 }

Scary. Today we're told everyone's gonna betray us one day. That human love is fleeting. Here today, gone tomorrow.

ARGH. Okay, scary part was all the talk about Paranormal Activities. Real life experiences. Damn freaky. Went for dinner with Dom and John.

Anyway, fleeting love right?

Its not love. Its a crush I've had for a long long time now.

-machines are like hamsters that dont respond to you
-you stare at the probes and mechanical arms like some hamster cage but no attention given to you.

-ouch just hit my head on the wall while putting eye drops. lol.

How can you not be fond of a guy who says that? lol. He scare me with his real life paranormal activity and then he starts telling me ways to not fear and not be afraid.

You, my friend, are way too nice. Stop being so nice. Seriously.

CYA is pure love, always (:

& psalm 91 & 92.


{ fin }


{ Tuesday, November 24, 2009 }

I realise I have Fleeting Fury. I dont stay mad at people long unless they piss me off BIG TIME.

I dont have much to say about today besides the good company and good food. No white headphones today. Doesn't matter.

Life seems to be so stagnant at the moment. I need a little bit of excitement and all.

Nisha, dont worry about it (: We all feel down at times. Cant be high all the time anyway!

And HJ, wanna see ah? Wait till I get the courage to take photo of him then I show you! Or if we see him in school i will point point to you XD

Tomorrow is another long day in school. But CYA should cheer me up lots! (: Miss everyone so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much! ):

& if I could just see you, everything would be alright.


{ fin }


{ Monday, November 23, 2009 }

Okay, today was really weird till the end of the day before it get sorta better XD

I entered class today and everyone seemed so low on energy and all. I could feel a weird sorta vibe from all the girls and even Glenn. I think its the sickness starting to get to everyone. I felt happy though and tried to remain that way through the day.

Juliet's class was interesting XD Me, Caryn, Faith and Dave acted like retards today XD We took the band thingy to tie around our knees and went down to level one, walked halfway towards convention centre and then we decided to tie all our knees together and try walking. OMG DAMN HILARIOUS PLEASE. We took like 5 mins just to get into the lift or something and people were staring and Caryn was screaming. LOL. Total madness. But it was super fun and hilarious luh.

Went for lunch and then went off for Fred's very first successful tutorial with us! We actually all participated and learned and were awake during his lesson! Must have been some kind of miracle. Think he was pretty happy and I think he likes it when we end early! He kept looking at his watch through the whole lesson XD

Ended lesson and went off to the sunny benches at 56 with HJ, Sarali and Nisha. Stayed there for a while as they settled their visitations. Well, it was all worth the while XD

Here's why:

We were waiting for the bus and it finally came and we went up the bus and I'm standing and for some reason I took a glance to my left and guess who caught my eye? WHITE HEADPHONES! Haha, he was at the bus stop and didnt get up the bus ): He was with a friend (a guy this time) and he was SMILING! HAHA. *heart melts..not.* Yeah. So I got a glimpse of him. Sorry to say, Nisha and Lanze were talking on the bus but I wasn't really paying attention because his face was in my head, smiling. I could not focus on what they were saying at all. URGH. I swear I dont mean to feel this way. Its just... Ah well.




Well, here's something that's kinda weird I guess. I dont like it. So if you're reading please stop trying, thanks.

Seriously.

& okay, its alright with me. Some things are just meant to be.



{ fin }


{ Sunday, November 22, 2009 }

Once more, music has saved me (:

Practice was fun. I guess I just had to get over the awkwardness and all. HAHA, the shyness! But in the end it was really great. They said I had a nice voice and roped me in for the choir XD Woah, its really pretty awesome I guess. We were all so happy singing in church! :D I like. HAHA, and Jessica can sing please. They all can sing so freaking well its kinda intimidating. Ah well, guess I have to try to blend in and all.

Yup, music's my lifetime hobby (:

& high notes, you baffle me no longer XD


{ fin }


{ }

Yesterday was pretty fun I guess. Waking up super early and met Julinda at the bus stop so we took the bus to school together. She's a super nice girl (: So cute. LOL. We went to school and met up with Nisha and started our "job". It was alright I guess (: Fun walking in and out of convention centre to test NIsha's treatment method to increase immune system. I haven't tried it. Oh, and we spoke about white headphones. Everyone know about him but doesn't know who he is. XD

Went home after everything and slept for like half an hour before waking up and felt too lazy to go for mass with Marcus and Genn so I ended up meeting them for Kampong Night later on. Kampong Night was pretty awesome (: I had great company and it really reminded me of Kuching in a way. It was the first time we were all singing and dancing together! :D But still it felt a little sad because I can feel everyone's drifted further apart already. Genn, my bunk mate and forever will be, still never fails to make me smile. I mean, she's pretty, cute, acts like a 10 yr old at times but her hug is so sincere (: I love her!

So went home at 10.45pm when the party was more or less ending. Met new people and old friends like Mark Chua! HAHA! Damn funny. Small world please. Anyway, it was good catching up a little here and there (:

Anyway, I'm off to sing the high notes cos there's practice later on tonight and if I screw up, I probably screw my chances of singing solo in church. I've got quite a bit of hope riding on it I guess? LOL. I just feel like this could be a superb boost of confidence for me. Which is something I need I guess. Wish me luck!

Most times I'll let this pass by me.
But this time, I cant let it be.
Cos the more I see you,
The more I wanna get to know you.

But somehow you dont even see me.

So just this once, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
And this time, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice me.

I used to tell myself "Dont bother".
That I dont have enough to offer.
But there's something special about you.
What it is, I dont have a clue.

And I know that you still dont see me.

But just this once, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
And this time, I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice.
I pray that you notice me.

You dont notice,
You never notice.
You dont notice.
You never notice.
You dont, you never notice.

In the corner, with my hand on my mouth.
Afraid that you'd see me smile to myself.
Close my eyes and put my hands together.
And I pray that you'd notice.
I pray that youd notice me.


& I know that you still dont see me but.


{ fin }


{ Friday, November 20, 2009 }

Marianne's happy streak is coming to an end. LOL. I hope not but it kind of feels like it.

I awoke today and got a shock out of my life. I thought there was Law today and I was running late for it. I then, in my state of horrible blurness, messaged like 5 people at one go to ask. And no one replied! HAHA, so I freaked out and went off to mel to check and realised there was NO class at all today -.- I swear I felt stupid. So I went back to sleep and had a dream. I dreamt that I was viewing Tarci's facebook page. Yes, TARCISUS HO from NGEE ANN POLY PCS. And I came across his friends and one of them was MR. WHITE HEADPHONES! XD And I was so freaking happy okay! LOL. Then I awoke and found out it was only a dream. I went on facebook just to check and nope, no mr. white headphones. Whatever man.

I guess I just feel like I haven't felt any strong emotions in a long while. It used to be either an outburst of love for someone or hurt, pain and suffering over someone. Now its so calm. Almost too calm since its calm for like almost a year now. I need to feel something deep once more. Trust me, I think I'm close to forgetting how it feels like to actually love someone. I'm dry and I'm empty. So empty it starting to feel horrible. All these make me feel downnn and I'm trying not to let it pull me down.

So I think of Mr. White Headphones. But no, I wont call it love. I dont love him. I just feel that he's someone I'd really like to know and if I know him there might be a high possibility of me loving him. But not just yet. Ah, how do I even describe how it feels.

With the lights out it’s never less dangerous
Even with a stranger never gets painless
Don’t be afraid

Every time I think I’m gonna change it

It’s driving me insane
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy

Maybe tonight we can forget about it all
It could be just like heaven
I am a machine
No longer living, just a shell of what I dreamed
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy

Say it, say it, say that you believe
Say it, say it to me

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
Automatic, I imagine, I believe

Do you live
Do you die
Do you bleed
For the fantasy

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy
Automatic, i imagine i believe
Automatic, i imagine i believe

Say it, say it, say that you believe
(Automatic, i imagine i believe)
Say it, say it to me
(Automatic, i imagine i believe)
Say it, say it, say that you believe
(Automatic, i imagine i believe)
Say it, say it to me
Automatic, i imagine i believe
I believe, I believe, I believe


& because I do.


{ fin }


{ }

Awesome day today (:

Spanish was fun fun fun (: Feel like we've finally got to know our teacher a little better. He plays the trumpet! And he probably sings. and has a sister XD Not too bad (:

Test was alright as well. As usual he gave us ample time to study and rehearse!

Oh, met Fiona at the bus stop before class and had a pretty nice chat with her (: I LOVE YOU DARLING! HANG IN THERE (:

Went to church for intense vocal training with twin which turned out to be superbly helpful! :D Thanks a million twin! HAHA, I still think I sound weird though. Probably just not used to hearing myself sing so high notes XD

Off to Aunty Ida's house for bible sharing and Lucia's farewell party. Left me feeling so thankful for everything I have (:

Oh, I kinda pissed off a china man on the bus? LOL. I dunno. He was smiling! But anyway, cos we were talking about Mr. White Headphones and then twin suggested that maybe he's from china! And I just blurted "CANT BE CHINA, HE'S TOO HANDSOME..." then I realised! Oh wtfffff. we're on freaking public transport with some china dude beside us XD Luckily we got off at the next stop. HAHA.

And I concluded, I'd regret a whole big shitloads if I dont at least try to get to know Mr White Headphones so I'm gonna smile smile smile at him until he removes those headphones and talk to me! XD Okay no. I'm just gonna smile at him XD

Twin says my good vibes in guys is always wrong. HUH. LOL. No lor. I still think my choices were okay LOL. Ah well.

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms


& I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today (:


{ fin }


{ Wednesday, November 18, 2009 }

I'm inspirationless today. Trying to get my brain around the law shit but nothing's coming out ):

Anyway, today I slept most of the day. Glad to say my voice is more or less back (:

Went to eat Ajisen today and guess who I met? Ian Joseph Yap. This dude from my secondary school that, I believe, every single girl had a crush on. Myself included. LOL. We looked at each other for like 5 seconds before smiling at each other. XD Whoo, he recognises me! He probably doesnt know where he knows me from, just finds me familiar. XD

But it got me thinking I guess. I used to have this hope and glimmer that even the most popular people would actually notice me. People like Ian, James even Ice. Now, I just assume they dont. Tsk. I want love. I've been on my own for long enough I believe.

Anyways, people's birthdays are coming. Gotta spend money plus christmas pressie for my dearest love, SIEWYI! (:

I swear, I feel like writing songs again (: maybe I should.

& I dont need the world to see me; just you. That's enough.


{ fin }


{ Monday, November 16, 2009 }

I want to know you. Maybe its too much to want, but I want to.

I want my voice back. I want you to see me sing, maybe then you'd notice me.

I want things to go well.

Anyway, today's pretty fun I guess (: Decorating with the girls! HAHA. Awesome girls.

& my eyes are open, so's my heart.


{ fin }


{ Sunday, November 15, 2009 }

I am freaking out. Marianne is freaking out (: In a good way though.

I was asked to sing in a choir in church and so I agreed thinking we're singing normal songs from our hymnals and I thought there'd be like 15 of us at least. Guess what?! We're singing some tehzeh (or however you spell that) and there's only 6 of us! ): DAMN SCARY. To make things worse, everyone and I mean EVERYONE there has some sort of musical background. And I dont. I have no freaking background in music!

To make things worse than worse, each of us 3 girls have to sing solo. Which means I have to sing the cantor part for one of it. WHICH IS DAMN FREAKING HIGH NOTE PLEASE. I'm super stressed. And freaking out.

The thing is, this pushes me. Because I normally wouldn't bother trying to hit notes remotely near as high as those. Plus, I'm learning new ways of singing that allows me to actually hit the high notes even more easily! XD

Its damn epic. Okay, if anyone wants to see me go crazy, its on 29th November 2009 6.30pm at St. Mary of the Angels. LOL.

I swear, if I screw it up, I'm gonna hide myself in a paper bag each time I go to church.

Oh, to nehneh! (: Thanks dear! It doesn motivate me and makes me happy. So yes, I'll chase.

& I wish you could see me.


{ fin }


{ Saturday, November 14, 2009 }

I've completed my sickening essay (: I'm glad.

I've loaded all the old songs that I've not heard in a long long time and realised that Eric Hutchinson is one guy I miss alot. His songs make me move. Sway at least. :D

I went around readin blogs and everyone seems down. ): Which makes me feel down as well. I guess its because these are people who have shared my laughter, shared my joys. Everyone has their ups and their downs so I guess now that my downs are over, my ups are here but their downs are here for them. Ah well.

Dear stranger, you dont know me.
I'm no one in your story.
You probably wont be at ease,
But its in me to say what I please.
I'm a foot note in your story.
Someone who sees your glory.
In your life, I'm not existing.
But you are keeping me breathing.

& should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads no where?


{ fin }


{ Friday, November 13, 2009 }

Today's been a superbly wet day. I kept telling Nisha I feel ugly today. In fact, I feel fugly. I dont know why. HAHA. Its not the HMS shirt I'm sure. It's just me. Some days I wake up feeling like the most confident person on the face of the earth and other days I awake feeling like the shittiest.

Stayed back to discuss projects and then watch Grey's Anatomy in school. How fun right? I know.

So what I want for christmas is just LOVE (:

I fear saying this would make it more concrete.

I'd love to love you.

But oh, how impossible. I await the day either of us speaks to the other. For I've noticed you but I happen to be that girl that everyone just doesn't notice. So I pray, that you're one of those people who notices the girl who's never noticed.

Because I want to get to know you.
I want to know all about you.
I want to find out that everything I've said about you is right.
I want to know that who I think you are is really who you are.
I want to know you.

But I fear. Because I'm the girl who the guys tend to overlook.
Because I'm so ordinarily plain-jane. So, I fear.

But I still want to know you. So help me out here. Disappear or make me notice you noticing me.

& just know this; I notice.


{ fin }


{ Thursday, November 12, 2009 }

Today has got to be one of my favourite days (: Everything was so awesome.

I guess it started off with me being able to wake up and finish my spanish work and then went off to watch one episode of Grey's Anatomy. Season 6 started off really depressing but it was freaaaking amazing still!

I left the house feeling a little down because I keep wanting to skip spanish today. Dont know why but ALL that changed the minute I was queing up for bus 61 (: I looked to my left and guess who's walking towards me man. MR. WHITE HEADPHONES! :D I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't smile at him walking towards me. So he was right beside me and I just had to tell someone about it if not I would have burst out laughing and he'd think I'm WEIRD. So I messaged twin and then the bus came. I sat near the doors cos he usually sits like further up front but guess what. HE SAT BEHIND ME. Whaaaat lah. I cant see him LOL. Anyway, twin was asking me to take a photo. HOW TO! Turn around and stare at him and stuff the phone into his face and take photo right? I WISH. Woah, but it was damn thrilling and I dont like it. I dont know how to act around him ): I kept smiling to myself on the bus and I'm so sure he saw because, did I mention, he's right behind me! HAHA. He probably thinks I'm some weirdo.

Thankfully the bus ride was pretty long. LOL. Cos he walks fast and after he got off the bus and crossed the bridge and walked towards convention centre, I lost him. LOL.

Went to class and continued smiling to myself. I did well today as well. My spanish teacher said "Perfecto" (: HAHA, cos my sentence was completely right. I ROCK.

I smiled my way back home and I'm still smiling now. Marianne's a happy girl with Mr. White Headphone is around (:

I don't like how it feels I guess. How seeing him makes my heart beat so much faster. How my eyes cannot meet his. How each time our eyes do meet, its like he's staring straight into the very heart of me. I dont like how he's the one I want to see everyday. I dont like how I cannot control my actions when he's around. I dont like to think that I'm falling for him but somehow I think I am.

& just know this; I notice.


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{ Tuesday, November 10, 2009 }

Time for a proper nice length-ed blog entry.

So here's what's been going on in the life of Marianne Chan. She's been having fun with friends in school. She's feeling more a part of the class than she's ever been and occasionally, she looks back and sees the many memories that the others have where she is not in them. But she reminds herself she can create newer ones before poly life is over (:

Anyway, enough of the 3rd person typing. So besides school, there's not much else. CYA's pretty fun since the SP peeps come over. Including twin and andrew! HAHA, andrew's like my brother mannn! AWESOME BUDDY (:

Oh, we did DID the other day. Dialogue in the dark. Where we walk around in the dark with a cane and had to feel around and use walls. We had a guide Hafiiz. I went in with Nisha, Caryn, Fiona and Cindy. Supposed to go in with hwee jian and all but ah well (: It was still great fun! Loads of screaming. Heard we're one of the noisiest groups that went in. Everyone kept saying they could hear us XD A few funny things happened in the dark. We kept touching each other, which was hilarious. Caryn squeezed the guide's tigh (PERV!), I banged a wall and someone said the guide was a wall! But the classic one was when Cindy sat on the TABLE at the cafe. And she even asked "WHY THE CHAIR SO HARD ONE?" Epic. It was super fun.

And I guess like what Nisha said on her blog, its US who are missing out. Not them. I'm amazed mostly by how the darkness appears intimidating at first and then there's a certain sort of calmness where you allow your mind to wonder free and paint pictures in your mind. I believe the blind see things so much more vibrantly than we do. It was an eye-opening experience for me. Ironically. I guess that's what they mean by looking into the mind's eye? Haha.

Today during Juliet's class we learnt about physical disabilities. The one thing that kept playing in my mind was how much love the parent has. To see your own child in so much pain, every single day. My heart ached. Especially when I saw the video of the little kid wo couldn't even sit down because of his condition, spina bifida. I mean, imagine a childhood where all you can do is lie flat on your stomach all day long. And those with brittle bones? You cant even run, cant even walk too fast or do anything too rigorous. Imagine living with the fear of fracturing every bone in your body everyday.

What amazed me was how amazingly strong these people were. Strong in mind, strong in spirit. It amazed me at how optimistic they are, how cheerful and how they choose to live life to the fullest, knowing that each day is the last.

And it is true. They are the ones who teach us to truly love, believe and live. We may think we have the upperhand, we're more fortunate but we're wrong. They are probably the ones who are here to make us understand and see things in wider perspectives. In a different way.

All this, is exactly why I want to be in this course. Its exactly why I want to interact with humans and meet people who will be my inspiration to live life to the maximum.

So, dont tell me about how bad your day is any longer. Tell me what you've experienced. What you have done to make it better. For at least we dont live in fear and pain everyday. We're not challenged by everything around us everyday. We're not faced with all sorts of obstacles. Most of all, we're not faced with the denial of society.

And that's just my 2 cents worth on physical disabilities. Its extraordinary.

& my passion renewed (:


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{ Monday, November 9, 2009 }

Bittersweet, that's how I feel.

Anyway, school's been fun I guess (: I'm glad to have HO4 around to cheer me up, regardless of what kind of a day it is. Today I had to remind myself tons of times that it's no longer my responsibility.

Anyway, I finished Grey's Anatomy season 5. Its damn sweet please. Still brings tears to my eyes. Well, I dont think I've got much to blog about these days. Its just school, home, school, home. But at least its good school and good home.

& sick cycle carousel.


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{ Thursday, November 5, 2009 }

Cabbed to school this morning thinking I was gonna be late but NOOO. I was earliest among the 3 LOL. Makes me wonder why I cabbed. But I wanted to treat myself to something so I cabbed right to the bus stop right outside ngee ann okay. Anyway, our group meeting was pretty good (: Sorted out stuff and by next wednesday we'd have 2 group projects done! :D

Today we had spanish test! My teacher was nice enough to give us homework last week that was what we had to write for our test today so we would already know how to write it! (: Nice guy aye! Anyway, it was pretty good I guess. We then watched Volver (Coming Back) in spanish! I watched it once on okto and liked it but watching it again was great because I caught some parts that I missed the first time. It was a truly touching story (: Then we went off home. The bus stop was freaking packed please and it was pouring like no one's business.

I'm gonna try getting the song Penelope Cruz sang in Volver. Its damn nice! :D

Came home worked on the vid and guess what? Suddenly I cant play it back. But I swear the bloopers are damn funny! Love HO4 always (:

& no hay worries!


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{ }

Today's been an epic day (:

Filming with HO4 after school was horrendously funny! Nisha stayed back to watch us too. It was so darn funny please. We were laughing till our stomachs hurt. This group is just so so so fun and easy going. I like the way it works. :D Thanks HO4!

Ran off to CYA where I was hugged like 500 times ah! HAHA, dot and her boy went off to eat. Matt and Viv also ran off. So it was left with me, john, twin, andrew, jessica and dom. We went to serene centre's mac's then went to island creamery for ICE CREAM! (: Then we just sat there and talked about gay pervs, music and anything else we could think off!

Nothing better than having HO4 and CYA in the same day!

Well, off to sleep now because there's spanish tomorrow! TEST OKAY. Damn scary! ): And assignments are starting to pile up!

& deck the halls (:


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{ Tuesday, November 3, 2009 }

Happy day, everyday (:

Today's special though. Had school and had fun with HO4 as always. Lunched at underpass area with Sarali, technically cos only 2 of us were eating! Then had fun whining about B&B and nonsense at the back of LT with Nisha and Sarali.

Went home too early I guess. Did not see white headphones. Oh well. Not fated XD

Completed all the work I set out to do! (: Shall do spanish tomorrow. OH, CYA tomorrow :D Excitingggg! HAHA. One of my favourite bunches of people!

Anyways, why today's extra happy is because I finally found time to message my dearest dearest HII SIEWYI (: My lovely babe's still the best ever! We have multiple dates now :D I love her so very very much. Its like what HO4 were talking about. Having friends you can not talk to for months but when you do talk, you feel like nothing's changed one bit (:

Love is what I feel now :D

& I know what I want and what I want is right here with you (:


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{ Sunday, November 1, 2009 }

Well, what can I say? 2 great nights in a row (:

Met with Isaac, Dom, Andrew and Alex for dinner at Astons last night then went to TCC for supper and coffee. Awesome company, great food. First time we're telling each other our life story! XD

Today has been a pretty awesome day too! Met with the my group which is now called HO4! HAHA. We finished what we could then went downstairs to talk with the girls! :D Had fun talking about alot of things until they almost missed their last train I think! But I'm glad (: Think we got to know each other just a little bit better! Heh.

& arrow (:


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