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{ Dreamer }
Definition:

1. a person who dreams.

2. a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.

3. a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.
{ Marianne }

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
It was always you.

{ Past. }

January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 October 2012 January 2013 March 2013 July 2013 August 2013 January 2014 September 2014 January 2015 July 2015

{ Thursday, April 30, 2009 }

Today we realised that our teacher happens to dislike PCS students. TSK TSK. Evil man!

Elton got kinda angry and irritated huh. LOL. Anyway, I think we're lucky to have Dorcas and Yian Ping because they have RESOURCES! And they're like superbly nice.

Bus-ed home with Faith Chua :D

Tomorrow, lunch with family (: MANY MANY ICE CREAM!
SATURDAY, meeting HM and then off to church with Marcus and Genn and then off for dinner and then talking with marcus (: We always end up having heart to heart talks :D Its like a tradition!

That's all I really have (: I might stop blogging as often as before soon but yea (: I'm happy. I've discovered many things about myself these few days. So much more than over holidays somehow. Amazing what people do and that is why I always believe it is people who make life interesting (: And that's why I LOVE meeting new people and people of all walks of life.

OH VIDEO IN FACEBOOK LOL. Of me twin and steffy. For anyone who sees it, STEFFY IS TAKEN. hahahah (: Love that girl!

Metric - Poster of A Girl
Can't stand by myself
Hate to sleep alone
Surprises always help
So I take somebody home
To find out how I feel
Feel like just a baby
Portrait of a lady
Poster of a girl

Je sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité
Tu sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité
Tu sais que je n'aime pas ma réalité
Je sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité
Tu sais que je n'aime pas ma réalité
On ne peut pas fabriquer la vérité
Tu sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité
Je sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité

Satisfy myself
Avoid beginners
Who long to shut my mouth
Till I take one of them home
'Cause I know how it feels
Filling in the blanks
Looking on the bright side
When there is no bright side
Cumming in your pants
For the off chance
With a...
poster of a girl


& Portrait d'une femme


{ fin }


{ Wednesday, April 29, 2009 }

Class has been good (:

I think once I start interacting with the class again I feel so much more bonded with them. I've spent the last few days talking to people I hardly ever talk to after 1 yr plus in the same class.

I've talked to Faith. I've talked to Ruth. And of course, Hwee Jian! Who I've never really talked to EVER. I realise that she's a nice girl, she's a bubbly and funny person! :D

Today is sort of the last person whom I have not talked to at all before. DESMOND! I had the longest talk with him in the bus and on the train! HAHA, he's mean! And erm, illogical at times but he's a nice guy (:

So school's getting better :D

Siewyi love, thanks for being there. Things are working out i guess (:

Woman apologised and I guess I always knew that if we can have such a friendship for a year, there must be something there that makes us hold on to it :D

Anyway, here's my favourite song of DYTD. WHITE BED!






Well, today's the first time I talked about Ice in the longest time ever! XD And Xing Yi or whatever her name is wasn't here for the talk ): I haven't seen her in MONTHS AND MONTHS D:


The talk was HILARIOUS. We didnt understand A WORD that German dude was talking about! XD So we just did everything else but listen to him.


Class movie on monday! :D


& white bed; all she wants to do is mess you up



{ fin }


{ Tuesday, April 28, 2009 }

Today's been a pretty good day (:


We even had fun insulting me about my wrong bible quoting but hey, I've drifted from religion and am trying to find my way back so quit laughing XD


Our group had wanted to meet earlier but in the end EVERYONE was late so we went straight to class. Elton didnt even turn up for class! -.- Anyways, Ms Low's a no nonsense teacher LOL. We all love her dont we? :D


Anyway, I decided to lunch with the class today. Talked to fiona darling last night at like 1am till 2am hahah! And she says I've been so far from the class so I decided to join the class for lunch (: I guess if you think about it, its true. We keep asking for class unity when we ourselves keep disappearing from the class crowd. Anyways, lunch with them made me realise that I've missed out on ALOT. Just the company, the laughter and most importantly its the class that brings out the loudness in me. I've been really quiet for a very very long time and being with them today helped me get back into my element. The high energy, crazy and loud person that I am. And I sort of missed being that person. One who laughs with no worry, one who isnt afraid to voice out opinions. I feel right back in my element and this is the wonders that the class does for me. That's exactly why I'm gonna be back in the class crowd again.

I know I haven't tried to get along with some of the people in class. I mean, how many people do I really really talk to? Very few. So this is time for me to get to know more about the other people in my class. I'm not saying I'm gonna be everyone's best friend, no way. We're different and that's definitely there. But to be there for them as a friend would. To enjoy each other's company, to enjoy a good laugh together as a class.


I went home after class with a new perception. I fear, indeed. I fear alot. But when it comes down to it, I know I have people I can talk to.


Really wanna thank Lanze for smsing me in the middle of the night till 2+am because I couldn't sleep. You're a great GREAT brother and I really appreciate it (:


HUGEHUGE thanks to Fiona Darrrling! (: *muackmuacks!XD* Love you loads! She's such a darling to call me in the middle of the night to talk to me cos I couldn't sleep :D


Big thanks to the rest of the class for being understanding and accepting of me :D I know I've drifted but I'm coming back (:


Well, tomorrow's gonna be a really really long day! Guest lectures and stuff. Gonna meet big brother Isaac tomorrow night for dinner. CAMWHOREEEE! Which reminds me, met Viv on the train and smsed Matthew and he's like "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AH" So sweet right? (:


Tomorrow's another day and I never know what it brings with it but I really hope it'll be a duplicate of today because all was well and although I know change is still happening; I'm starting to believe we'll both survive it. Somehow.

Mehmeh & Nehneh loves! <3

Ama Kew and POT.
Everyday's a struggle but without struggle we wouldn't treasure it as much as we do now.
& with new insights; racing lights (:


{ fin }


{ Monday, April 27, 2009 }

Today has been trying. But I feel like I've done the right thing (: At least I know what's happening and stuff. At least I know what I have to do now.

Whatever it is, friendships are important to me and I'm not intending to give any up. Not unless there's no other choice. In the meantime, I have music. LOL.

Anyway, I've been talking to Isaac again, who has just been upgraded to become my big brother in Christ (: HAHA. He's really such a nice guy and I think I'm fortunate to have met him in such a time in my life :D He's just an inspiration, someone who's there to cheer me on back to the right path. I guess when it all comes down to it, obstacles are there for a reason.

I wanna thank my dearest SIEWYI :D for being there listening to my whining. My dear, I want you to know its alright now I think (: LOVE YOU BABE! :D

People change and change is fine (: It really is and I think no matter what happens, change is a dominos effect. I entered school this sem with new perspectives too and I guess it just differs even more from previous sems. I'm sure we'll all get through it in the end.

Wan, I'm sorry about not being able to make it today! Had to discuss projects and stuff. Anyway, I'll try to meet up with you soon aye!

Justin Matthew Chan owes us pictures. TSK TSK. Oh, lunch with Steffy and Twin was pretty great (: We just get along and the silences are not awkward. The silences were more of a common understanding that we've all been through shit and are still going through shit in our lives. We dont talk about it openly but we know.

Anyways, Aunty Theresa put me in charge of the attachment kids. She's giving me bigger responsibilities which is part of the whole big plan aint it? Haha, I dont mind (: At least I get to know the attachment peeps a lil better. I'm like the BIG SISTER in charge of the small kids who dunno what they're doing. LOL.

I guess Life is hard to understand. Adam, if you're reading this, LIFE SUCKS; LIVE WITH IT. HAHA, new motto eh. No luh. I am so doing positive thinking these days.

Love through Osmosis. How true.

One more day to Khairul Hakim's return to Singapore!! :D :D :D HAHA, cant wait. He better buy me something back from bangkok LOL. Tsk, you dunno how important people are in your life till they're gone. HAHA, Khai's really been an important person in my life so I really cant wait till he comes back! WHOOPEE. 13th May is THE date hah (:

Kick ass running tomorrow morning (: Fresh air clears the bloody complex mind. I realise perhaps I've overworked my Amygdala over the years till its a bit excessive uh. LOL.

& with you by my side to love and to guide.



{ fin }


{ Saturday, April 25, 2009 }

Today's been a great day (:

I was asking yesterday if its me or has everything changed. Then I realised, I'm becoming this horrible person. So I'm sorry if since the start of school I've offended anyone with my bad temper and moodswings. TSK. Bad marianne, BAD.

Anyways, so I woke up today and told myself today's gonna be a change. No, I'm not saying change comes overnight but each step closer to it is effort (: So today's been good.

Spoke to Isaac. He's like my spiritual leader or something. Had a nice chat with him and its so encouraging to know that someone's actually concern about why I've been missing from CYA. So I had a nice chat with him through sms and it really made me happy.

So all worries, leave it aside. All that's meant to be will work out perfectly (:

Tomorrow, lunching with Steffy and twin (: And monday to meet WAN :D



& waking up only to find tunnels, tunnels, tunnels; lights.



{ fin }


{ Friday, April 24, 2009 }

I've decided to dedicate my 500th post to Carmen Elle (:

I have just joined her street team and sent her a message. No, I'm not a stalker. I'd just like to get a hold on her cd. Her personal one. Which is coming out soon I hope! :D

She's awesome. Like HELLO, she's so young. She plays guitar like kick ass guitaring and she sings superbly well too! SHE'S HOW YEARS OLD?! WTH.

Okay, to prove her awesomeness. Video!
My favourite song of hers; STARBOARD (:










Pictures of her. Cos she's so cute.






So awesome (:
Carmen Elle; my newest craze :D
& when it comes down to it; music takes all troubles away (:


{ fin }


{ }

Watched Fight Club. It pretty nice (: Unexpected I'd say. Jared Leto's eye ): Damn sad.

Anyways, I realised I like people with specs but so far I've not been with anyone who really wears specs 24/7 like me! How interesting.

Everything aside I think today's a better day in terms of class. I think I'm sort of figuring Nisha out. We've been having so much time to talk together and stuff. She says she's seen the MALE version of me. How scary is that! LOL.

Siewyi! I'm sorry! I'm sorry about neglecting you and stuff. Its just been a little crazy in school these days! TSK. I'm missing from people's lives again.

Khairul Hakim's in Thailand now ): HAHA, enjoying himself! TSK. He better take care and come back for is own graduation! XD

There's been a minor shift this sem. I dont think anyone really notices it but yes. There's been a change and I dont know what to feel about it yet. I dont know. Have I changed or is it everyone else? I dont really know anymore. LOL. But who cares anyway. Soon we'll be drowning in projects and stuff to even bother anymore.

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind

Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind


& just a drop of water in an endless sea


{ fin }


{ Wednesday, April 22, 2009 }

What a day.

Mr Tan's lesson was alright, then came the grouping thing. Which was one BIG HUGE sigh. Its still sad I guess.

Went to woman's house and guess what? Some big ass bee flew in luh! Like so many freaking times. it was scary. But we had fun running around from the kitchen to the living room back to the kitchen. HAHA! FUNNY!

Oh, I see a tinge of hope for my group this sem. Hopefully we'll do well. I'm quite sure we will. After all, 3 of us have already worked together before! (: So hopefully luh!

I actually started feeling a tinge of what 1B01 could be like united during Ms Low's class. And you know what? It felt good. Knowing that everyone had the heart to be together, had the heart to have fun together. Ah well. One can only hope.

Woman sprained her leg today. Tsk Tsk. Please be able to walk again tomorrow!

So plan for tomorrow, watching movie at Elton Seah's house before going to school for IS (: FIGHT CLUB OR MONSTER! Whichever one luh.




& aint no sunshine when she's gone.


{ fin }


{ Tuesday, April 21, 2009 }

2nd day of school is filled with Disappointment.

I dont like to see how defined the cliques are getting. It really doesn't help the unity of the whole class. Its pretty sad to see people breaking up into small groups and whispering to themselves when what we could have done (and saved alot of trouble for ourselves) is to sit down as a whole class and talk it out. Instead we spent half an hour in our own small groups whispering about who know what. It's really quite pissifying. Yes, I know grouping has become an issue in our class. Ever since 1st year but still, this isn't the way things should be done so whoever in class is reading this, go think about how you want the class to be like. Because from what I see now, the class is gonna be splintered. And that's fucked up.

Had a pretty nice normal chat with Nisha after school today. Apparently, we're not that different at all. HAHA. We dont let go of things and we both hate the situation we faced today. TSK. We talked about people in class and in our course. We talked about dejavu. Its nice talking to her without the whole 'she's my perfectionistic group mate' LOL. Yes, as humans we are all nice. As group mates, we're all asses.

Anyways, I'm going to have 2nd prom according to Marcus Fish. July 19 is the OCS Social Night. Means I'll have to go dress up in a dress and shit again LOL. TSK. I only agree because its him okay. No one else. HAHA!

Going to RP on Monday after school to visit the one and only Wan :D HAHA, ITS A DATE MAN. Bring it on. HAH.



Woman just gave me this link to this website to test your personality LOL. RESULT IS:



ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)
Anyways, this is a song that really sort of made me sit up and listen to it on the radio. The lyrics are likfe OMG WTH. LOL. Okay, point is, great lyrics great emotions. Old song.



& I'd rather you be mean; than love and lie.



{ fin }


{ }

I know you still have that effect on me but no, I wont respond. Not this time; not anymore.
I'm so over your little mind games.


{ fin }


{ Monday, April 20, 2009 }

Back to school. Weird feeling though, not being the newbees in school anymore. HAH.

Lecture was alright. I'm determined to stay awake and listen to all lectures HAHA! (:

Oh, we ended up going to ANG MO KIO HUB after school instead of sentosa -.- Because mr Sun wasn;t shining as brightly as we wanted him to ): SAD RIGHT.

So yeah, came home and slept. I was tired man. LOL.

Well, more jogging tomorrow (: Nice. I'm going to put on weight okay. I dont like being thin as a stick and have people think I have EATING DISORDERS. -.-

You know its kinda sad to see the whole class shrinking. I dont know luh. Doesnt matter (: AND people of the HMS FOC dont isolate those who didnt go okay! XD

Anyways, DYTD is like one of the best ever cds I've bought. Even though its only 9 songs but hey, its so worth it (:

I've been listening to this non stop. Mudhouse/Gypsy MC by Jason Mraz. He is a genius! (: CREDITS TO MR KHAIRUL HAKIM FOR SENDING IT TO ME. YOU ROCK MAN DUDEZXSZSXSZXSS XD



& aint got no dope; aint got nobody baby that I can call my shorty :D


{ fin }


{ Sunday, April 19, 2009 }

Marcus Fish sms-ed me! HAHA. He's in OCS now and they have this thing called SOCIAL NIGHT where they each bring a girl and be a gentleman to her -.- So he asked me to be his date for that night. LOL. How cute is that huh! Since when did NS become a place to learn how to be a gentleman? HAHA, I agreed! Of course I agreed. He's my heart-to-heart talk guy! :D GREAT GREAT friend of mine (: I do miss him ): HAHA.
OOH, school starts tomorrow :D I'm so running in the morning.
Sentosa with woman tmr (: After school LOL. So random but yes.
New life starts tomorrow.
Goodnight peeps.


{ fin }


{ Saturday, April 18, 2009 }

JAMES TAN HATES BEING AROUND ME.

LOL. Its what I sort of felt today. Met Eng Chuan at Yew Tee where he filled up my bag with taiwan goodies! (: Like Santa Claus. HAHA. Then James Tan came and started talking to Eng Chuan like I wasn't around. After about 500000 seconds then he realised I'm around and says "Hi." Great. What was supposed to be lunch became "I just ate I only wanna drink." and "Oh yeah, I also ate before meeting up." So fine, we go to mac's and just buy drinks plus nuggets for me and awkwardness starts man. EC talks to me and he just keeps silent. Completely silent. We never NEVER had a direct conversation throughout the whole one hour of us being at the same place at the same table. TSK. Whatever happen to being ALRIGHT again and FRIENDS. WTH. I mean I really felt unwanted there okay. Seriously, if you dont want me around just say it to my face. Oh, even EC noticed it was awkward.
I ate my nuggets, drank my green tea and said "Okay, I think I'll make a move first." And I just ran home. LOL. I'M NAMING THIS THE WORST LUNCH EVER.

Okay, enough of that. Random pictures that blogger didnt allow me to put up yesterday (:
PS, If you can read the small words, you have good eyesight. LOL. But yes, that's my diary so DONT READ. But I know you'll read anyway. Whatever luh.


LOL. This is long ago, seriously! CUBES ARE DISGUSTING. LOL. Angst.


Just some stuff I WROTE. And the coconut tree, once again.


TWINKLE LOVE-OF-MY-LIFE BOY.
AND

That's my hair when I'm exercising LOL. One BIG mess (:

& weird the way the world works.



{ fin }


{ Friday, April 17, 2009 }

The Bending. The Beginning plus The Ending. Equals to The Bending. LOL. WTH.

Anyways, today marks the ending of the long long holidays. It also marks the beginning of a new start of Marianne Chan.

So people think I've been staying home doing nothing this whole holiday. In fact, I think I've accomplished and learnt alot.

To start off, I've learnt that blogshopping makes one really really broke.

But that is besides the point. I've been given this wide space all to myself to think things through.

I have learnt that my faith is important to me. So important that I'm not willing to give it up.

I've also learnt that I can never get along with my mom harmoniously. We are too different. TSK. She's wayyyy too typical girly girl. Take today as an example. I accidentally spilled some fish soup on the table (nowhere near her by the way) and she screamed. In public. Its okay for people like Caryn to scream cos she's young and wild but hello. A mother? TSK. As if soup would melt her flesh.

I've learnt that I love guitaring. So much that I can spend hours on it. till my fingers hurt, till my voice is hoarse from singing.

I've also learnt that I have friends in my life that I never knew of. People like Lee Jing and Nicholas Chor. I never thought I'd find a friend in them cos after all it was pretty superficial robinsons working conditions. But yes, I have found friends in these few people.

I've learnt that Marianne Chan can actually cook some lunch for herself.

What have I done?

I've done writing. Alot of writing. Be it the Novel or songs or poems or just writing in my notebook. I've done it.

I've done guitaring. Alot of guitaring. Non stop every day (:

I've done meet friends I'm obliged to meet. LOL. Not you, Adam. But a few others.

I've also done what alot of people probably dont know. Exercise.
I dont do it every single day but I try to do it at least three times a week. I ride this bike thing in my house for 30 mins straight, 50 sit ups, 50 crunches and a little bit of weight lifting. (PS, only 1kg luh but its tiring after a while XD) So yes, like I told Adam. I'm toning up NOT trying to get muscles.

I've dones search youtube for new bands. Where I found DYTD and Metric.

I've done renewing my love for Jason Mraz.

I've done emotional roller coaster rides and fights in my brain.

So did I waste my holidays away? I dont think for one second that I did. I think it has helped me prepare myself for the next academic year ahead of me.

I feel that I'm ready for the world. I feel like I'm ready to meet whatever obstacles there are. I'm ready for new adventures, new experiences and definitely new grades. I've been given time to think about alot and I think I've thought it through well (: I am satisfied and happy that the holidays are ending for I'm all geared up for what the rest of the year brings.

Oh now I remember what I wanted to blog about. Yes the above was all actually just a filler. But I mean it luh. JUst that I wasn't gonna blog about it. But yes, here's what I wanna blog about. I couldn't sleep last night! ): I was awake till 3am. After that I had weird jumbles of previous dreams and the whole white walls thing again. LOL.

Here's one thing I'd like to change.

I SWEAR I'M GONNA STOP BEING IN THE FREAKING MIDDLE OF THINGS.

All you get is getting used. Being taken forgranted. Karma, if you're there I aint seeing you yet.

Okay, maybe pictures tomorrow. Because dumb blogger doesnt allow me to post photos ): LOL.

Woman, watch this. Mr Curiosity when he was in Singapore. Damn good.

& I'm looking for love this time; sounding hopeful but its making me cry.



{ fin }


{ Thursday, April 16, 2009 }

Just when it seemed like it was over and its time to start again we go back.

I read a stranger's blog because she looked like R. This stranger had a boyfriend and I read, hoping it was R. That way R wouldn't be with you but hey, it isn't R. So I sat back and asked myself, why the hell are you doing this?

Goodbye. I'm tired of thinking. This time, its over. I swear.

On a lighter note, went out with Adam for lunch today. It was a plain lunch but it was fun (:

Came home and my vest is here (: Its nice. I'm still listening to DYTD :D

DUDE, DYTD IS IN SINGAPORE!!! JEALOUS MUCH??? HAHAHAH.

& baby, dont you break my heart slow.


{ fin }


{ Wednesday, April 15, 2009 }


DANCE YOURSELF TO DEATH'S ALBUM IS HERE. READY FOR LOVE. FOUND IN MY MAILBOX TODAY IN A PADDED AIRMAIL ENVELOPE. SO EXCITING I RIPPED IT OPEN AND SCREAMED. IT IS HERE! Before even paying her the money she's sent it! They have a nice manager! Andrea Philips! :D

Anyways, their songs are damn nice!

Today's been a pretty good day (: I'm happy because something's working out :D

Jason Mraz is amazing and awesome. I keep listening his live version of Dynamo Of Volition and the Mudhouse/GypsyMC. Shows his vocal talents and all :D Love it.






Sweet and amazing. He's still my favourite guy.


& let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars (:



{ fin }


{ }

Just a video to show how freaking talented he is! (: I so love him.
WATCH IT. YOU WONT REGRET IT; I SWEAR.

& with him around; the world seems a happier place :D



{ fin }


{ Tuesday, April 14, 2009 }

Well school's reopening soon (:

I'm determined to live out a better poly life starting from year 2 onwards. I think its about time. I've given myself too many excuses to do badly in school. Way too many. Ice then Derek. Enough is enough. No more distractions.
Talking about Derek. I didnt blog about this but I told woman! I think he has a twin! LOL.There was this dude selling porridge at Dunman Food Court (that has amazing wanton mee by the way!) and he looks EXACTLY like Derek just with a tattoo on his wrist. HAHA, damn scary luh. Like same shirt! The black one. SCARY. TSK.

For everyone who said I'd get attached within 3 months of my previous break up, HELLO 5TH MONTH OF BEING SINGLE! :D Proven wrong (:

And Justin Ng, you said you gimme half a year right? Well one more month to proving you wrong too (:

Anyways, I'm really missing alot of random people. Like Siewyi, Ice, Nicholas. Weird as it is! My Robinsons partner! :D HAHA, he dyed his hair black LOL. Ah well (:

So I've been doing many notes on Facebook and its making me think alot about life.

OH, there's so so many things I wanna do. Ideas and all :D ARTY FARTY once again. Tsk, gonna get Khairul Hakim's graduation present out tmr (: Half of it anyways.

Meeting Adam for lunch on thursday! Yes Adam. LOL.

John Legend - Everybody knows

Another amazingly written song by John Legend. Great lyrics. I think the last good one he wrote was Ordinary people. Everything else was average and then this one comes up (: NICE.

& I wish you the best; I guess.



{ fin }


{ Monday, April 13, 2009 }

Notes. I've been doing so many Facebook Notes XD Lee jing's complaining about me spamming him with notes -.- LOL.

Anyways, I cant make it for Khairul hakim's graduation ceremony ): Cos I have lesson! I hope he doesnt read this but I'm hoping to get him a balloon and a specially cut cd of certain songs and shit (: I wrote a song for him! :D WHOOPEE, exciting. Someone remind me to get that balloon before 13th May! (:

Speaking of MAY, SOMEONE'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING. WHO AH WHO AH. LOL.

Oh, Met up with my PRIMARY school best friend today. SHARON HUIN PEI SHAN! We've drifted so much from each other and I guess I've changed a whole lot. But we did have fun (: Lunch and a drink at Mac's. She still has such LOW self esteem ): She should start believing in herself!











Rekindled love for jason mraz :D Thanks to woman and her friend hahaha! Well, he is just so amzing and vocally and musically talented. Its so easy to fall in love with the music he writes over and over again (: JASON IS THE LOVE.

Oh, I've been talking to Nicholas Chor, my partner in Robinsons! HAHA, because he took asked to trade his tofu for my meat. LOL. We realised we both a bit no life uh. LOL.

I found my vest and it is coming in 2 days :D








& your gaze distracts my every strum (:



{ fin }


{ Sunday, April 12, 2009 }

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! :D

I've sorta made a decision on the whole faith thing. Faith was what helped me through the first 17 years of my life. I'm not gonna give it up just yet.

Feeling kind of on a high from singing in church today.

It was kind of a mutual thing. We both looked at each other at the same time. He broke his gaze first. It had me believing perhaps.

Ooh, guess what? I took the 'how straight are you' quiz. I'm a dyke. Surprise; NOT. LOL. Kind of expected it huh.

& I know this; I notice.


{ fin }


{ }

They left. Her friends they left her one by one as they found out.
They turned against her; telling her she was abnormal. Telling her its not right.
They tried to talk her out of it. Tried to "get their friend back".
They didnt know that nothing they said could change her mind. She had decided and there was nothing else she would rather have done. She was willing to leave all behind and run away with her. She was willing because she was all she needed. Just the two of them.
This is what she was reminded of. A time when everything was so simple, in the eyes of a girl who believed so strongly in the one she loved.
& you always keep passing me by.


{ fin }


{ Saturday, April 11, 2009 }

Heavy hearted for no reason. Something's bugging me; I just dont know what.

Today's been a pretty good day. Guitared from morning till afternoon then went to the columbarium to pay respects to my great grandfather. Had fun with cousins and all :D

So yes, I'm feeling heavy hearted and I have absolutely no idea why. I'm tired of so many things. I really am. TSK. Shades of grey, please fade away.

The whole netball shit also. It was cancelled today. Because too many people couldn't make it. Its tiring I guess. This facade and I know I'm not the only one. Why bother to hide who we really are right? Whatever. There's too much at stake anyway. I gotta get my DYTD cd soon. I'm suffering withdrawals. HAH.

I miss Siewyi ):

"She watched as she raised her hands up to the sky in worship. The irony baffled her. This person who made her feel more than what she's ever felt. This person who made her lose control of herself. This person who pushed her into adventurous waters. That smile she know remembers so well, that hand she's so used to holding, that body she was so used to embracing and that heart she was so used to feel beating. She was everything and everything was her. The world melted away and nothing else existed but the two of them. She was on a high whenever they were together. There was no mistaking this euphoria that she made her feel. No mistaking the bonds that tied them together. No mistaking how their lives connected and intertwined creating this electrifying energy around them. It was their time, their world."

If it never happened; I wouldn't be this torn. What you thought it was; it isn't now.

& our hell is a good life.


{ fin }


{ Friday, April 10, 2009 }

Good friday is GOOD indeed.

Church was interesting and woman, you're not the only one with eyecandy in church. LOL.

Oh, yesterday was damn fun. Met Wan and went to bugis. she bought like loads of shirts and I got nothing cos I'm a fussy ass. Oh well. We were walking when someone called my name and guess who it was! FIONA, JIAWEN AND CARYN XD So coincidental! :D Miss them loads!

Anyways, tomorrow should be interesting. Kinda half hearted about it if it weren't for Kailing.

Easter's approaching (: I sorta feel this tiny connection to God still. Somewhere. Maybe its the eyecandy shit. TSK.

"That's been there forever."

& it used to be just me and you; now its everyone but me and you.


{ fin }


{ Wednesday, April 8, 2009 }

Today's been a pretty good day (:

Met JUSTIN NG after like a year. We're both so grown up lol. I mean we started off like craaaazily WEIRD. But I guess we got alright after a while :D Good friend! Well, what can I say? Burning in the fire LOL.

Anyways, I realised Jennylee and Laura Holloman looks seriously alike. LOL.


AND Noelle is so pretty! HAHA. Her dimples anyways.

And tomorrow! Whoo, BUGIS WITH WAN. :D

Everyone talks about you to me; only you. Only you.

& for graphs of passion and charts of stars (:



{ fin }


{ Tuesday, April 7, 2009 }

I'm in a pissed off mood for certain reasons.

I cant get into Restaurant City. Pet society is freaking boring besides the racing. My parents are treating me like a f-ing maid. First they make me do one chore a day and soon it starts piling up. Here's what I have to do tmr:
1) Wash the clothes
2) Hang the clothes
3) Vacuum the floor
4) Wash the dishes that THEY ate for breakfast
5) Wash the toilet
6) Clear my room
7) Scrub the f-ing floor tiles with an f-ing small brush

Would you not be pissed off if you were me? I have 24 hours. Six of which I use for sleeping. Another hour watching Ellen, another 3 hours having lunch with Justin Ng tomorrow and probably an hour or more on the guitar. WTF.

Dont tell me how the hell I'm supposed to spend my freaking time during my HOLIDAYS. Hello, its called HOLIDAYS for a reason. PLUS I'm hardly out these days doesnt mean I'm staying home doing absolutely nothing with my life.

I realise my parents have absolutely NO CLUE about me and my life. Its not that I dont tell them anything. Just that everything I've ever told them is wrong to them so I just stopped telling them what I enjoy most and only tell them what I know they'll wanna hear.

Tragic isn't it? I mean come on luh. I might have been picked out from a rubbish bin for all I care. I'm so freaking alien from this family somehow. TSK. Ah wells.

I'm tired. Metric rocks. LOL. Metric is pretty amazing I guess. But I wont get their cd. I can DOWNLOAD. :D

Metric - Rock Me Now
The town where she was born,
like town where I was born
was built by white settlers
seeking gold and other treasures.
Like me she feels uncomfortable
in the clothing of her ancestors.
"It's not easy" she would say,
dipping her fingers into the ashtray,
"It's not easy to erase your blood."

Rock me now (come on, sing with me)
in the arms of cobwebs
Roll me out (come on, sing with me)
in the arms of cobwebs

Once she found a man to treasure and together
they'd planted flowers of warning, fearing frost.
Late on shallow evenings while their enemies slept,
they hammered the soil asking for answers in green.
His value declined when he offered his name.
Why did he offer?

His value declined
when he offered his name.
(Ah ah ah ah ah)
His value declined
when he offered his name.

When she was 7 years old
she saw a man get shot but,
no one came for a long time
because it happened in a remote parking lot in Las Vegas
And she was waiting for her mom
to come back from working the blackjack table
at the Circus Circus casino.
And that night her mom said
that the two of them and the now dead guy
were the only 3 people who ever really lived in Las Vegas.
Everybody else just arrived, ate their complimentary shrimp cocktail, and left.

Rock me now
in the arms of cobwebs
(It's a one room city, yeah)
Roll me out
in the arms of cobwebs
(So can you roll with me?)
His value declined
when he offered his name.

It's a one room city the wall to wall to wall to wall goes to street to street to street



& his value declined; when he offered his name. Why did he offer?



{ fin }


{ Monday, April 6, 2009 }

Read woman's email. Thanks woman (:

I'm not saying one email's gonna solve what I'm feeling but it sheds new light I guess. After all, my relationship with God was never bad until now but its also because of that that I feel like I cant just leave it like that.

About that tattoo, I really want it. Not for people to see it, not to stand out. Its not about anyone. Its about me, its for myself.

Okay, lighter note then. New band. Metric. One girl three dudes. Damn good (:

Metric - Glass Ceiling
Only know what I'm told, only know what I'm told
Fast asleep daydreaming
Start to push, break your own glass ceiling
Can't count, can't catch the pieces falling

Who let it end up on the ground
How am I gonna know you're letting me down
How did I end up on the ground

Only do what I'm told, only do what I'm told
Last to leave cold calling
You're gonna lose your arms, amputate plasticine
There's no knight in silver armor shining
Who let it end up on the ground
How am I gonna know I'm letting you down

Who let it end up on the ground
How did he end up on the ground
Face down on the ground

Only go where I'm told, only know what I'm told
Inch to inches crowding
We can't leave, it's the last road open
Every speed on our knees is crawling



& how am I to know that I'm letting you down?



{ fin }


{ Sunday, April 5, 2009 }

I feel it. Getting further and further away.

I woke up in time for children's lit today. It no longer feels the same though. Everyone has just become distant and cold. Unfamiliar.

Met woman at IMM! XD How small can Singapore get huh. GO OUT SOON!

Oh, I think Andrea's the nicest person on Earth cos she's not even pressing me for payment of the CDs. LOL. But I cant wait to get it ): URGH. We might have to mail her the money directly.

Anyways, today the whole family was united once again. LOL. Lee side anyway. My mom's side. We've all grown up and yet we still get along. Still, I guess we all lead our own lives now. Walls. Facades.

Met David on 985. LOL. He says I look thinner ): TSK. I think I need to start binge eating. He's pretty devious I think. Weird if you ask me. He thinks I'm a good girl and so he gives me his good boy act. Whatever dude. HAH.

I so wanna get that tattoo. Seriously.

http://www.myspace.com/danceyourselftodeath

Go check them out people, I swear you wont regret. EVER.

& looking for some midnight affair (:


{ fin }


{ Saturday, April 4, 2009 }

A brown package came in the mail today. It was my bag (: ITS DAMN NICE PLEASE. :D

My dad came home with something for me. He bought me my audio-technica headphones (: Limited color yoo! LOL. Yeah, so I have headphones now that are extremely awesome. The audio is amazing! :D

I also read the Courage Consort which is a book about desires and shit. Pretty interesting I guess but doesnt really captivate me like Paulo does.

Apparently, I've been thinking ever since 2 nights back and I'm realizing that perhaps this is the way I am and I shouldn't keep trying to go back to what I was before.
"Love the sinner and hate the sin." he says. Its not an excuse but yet I feel so damn far away right now. Like I've drifted and its lost its meaning somehow and I dont feel the urge to go back. Plus, I'm getting so freaking tempted to get that tattoo. Hmmmmm. Facades.

I have also decided I've had enough of short hair. LOL. I'm gonna let it grow like there's no tomorrow. Its so much easier with long hair. I dont have to worry about it being messy and out of place so yes, decided.

School's starting and I'm sort of looking forward. I've psyched myself to do better this coming semester before I get my ass kicked out of school. HAH. I've also psyched myself to beg my mom to write a cheque so that I can get my DYTD cd. They are insanely perfect.

Did I mention Jason Mraz is so freaking talented? He is. Believe it people. I'm still amazed by him over and over and over again. :D

AND I might be able to talk to Carmen Elle on facebook. WTH, this rocks. DYTD is just such a open band. Like personal.

& there you go; chasing for the sun.


{ fin }


{ Friday, April 3, 2009 }

Today's been a pretty fun day (:

Met Kenn under my block to write write write and then went to Lot One top up my concession and then went to the bank where I found out I cant tranfer money to my paypal account ): EXPENSIVE. So Andrea will have to find another way for me to pay her somehow. Or give it to me for free LOL. AS IF.

Went to westmall borrowed a book and met BIN BIN AND PAMELA!!! WHOOOO! hahaha :D Seriously miss them like madness.

Well, my bag is coming! WHOOPEEE, at long last.

Not so long ago I dreamt that someone was tapping my shoulder and saying "You and Xinyi, have chance *thumbs upand smiles widely!* good chances!" And then I wake up. Last night, I had the exact same dream again. I swear I wasn't thinking about her but now I am. I mean, after the dream it just reminded me of her. LOL. Oh well, she is cute. (:

So I'm seriously considering getting a tattoo. But yeah, parents and pain. Double P.

She ran outside, she left the party early,
ripping her dress, she got her stockings dirty.
Standing in the rain, she swore she'd never hurt again,
Although her thinking was slightly influenced

by the night that she'd abandoned.
Dinner for 5, she'd left the hostess stranded.
She caused quite a scene, throwing her napkin down and rising.
The guests pretended that they hadn't seen her aflame.

The wine glasses were filled, and she started burning at the table.
Informing her of the fable that this is her living funeral tonight.
This is her living funeral tonight.

So the legend goes, dinner deteriorated.
When she didn't return, the guests and their mourning faded.
Running through the rain, she swore she'd never see them again.
Although her thinking was slightly deranged.

This is her living funeral.
This is her living funeral tonight.

Attendance could be better,
she could have worn a different sweater.
This is her living funeral tonight.

& DYTD; love love love!



{ fin }


{ Thursday, April 2, 2009 }

2 bad days in a row.

Yesterday was april fool's. My dearest SIEWYI tried to trick me early in the morning saying that she has cancer. I'm smart! :D

Bad part was, I didnt get to go to bugis with brother ): Because I had to bathe Twinkle and apparently got my red top wet and the colour ran to my white shorts and it looked like I was menstruating on my pants. Worse part was, I was already at the mrt platform. WTH. So I stood there for like 15 mins trying to figure out what's the way to get home without embarrassment. ): Damn sad please.

Anyways, on the bright side. I tricked 2 people! Three if you include my mom.

Deon was first. Told him I dislocated my ankle and was bed ridden for a whole month. LOL.

Cindy was 2nd. Told her my parents might be sending me off to Australia to study next year. HAHA and she believed it completely.

[J.O.Y] Dance Yourself To Death says: OH AND ANYWAYS, ALL THAT WAS SAID ABOVE IS FAKE!!! HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAYYYY! hahahahhahah, you actually believed! XD

cindy(: jehovahjireh says: OMG U DIOT *IDIOT

[J.O.Y] Dance Yourself To Death says: AHAHAHAHAHAHHA

LOL.

Third was my mom. I told her I got a job back at Maybank. She was like 0.0! LOL.

Talked to wan in the middle of the night. Dude, I realised it was kind of like the first time we ever chatted over the phone about things. HAHA. You know who to thank for that XD TUESDAY!!!

Anyways, today was horrible. Went to Malaysia but 5 mins in and I wanted to get home. My nose was leaking like there's no tomorrow! WTH. I was pissed.

So tomorrow more writing. Tranferring the money and then, paying Andrea for DYTD :D :D :D So worth it! (: WHOOPEE. Tuesday out with Wan, Wednesday out with Justin Ng and a whole lot more of guitaring to come!

& I'm seriously loving DYTD (:


{ fin }