There's so much I wanna write but the words just dont seem to come today. I'm supposed to go down to NP to hand in some forms today but I dont feel like leaving the house. After all, isn't Ngee Ann full of memories too? That's where Geraldina and Edmund found out about you and twin too. I really dont know what to say. It's like some days it just doesnt feel like you're affecting me in any way and then it hits me so badly that I just feel like I cant carry on.
This morning has been intense. Perhaps I've been hiding it, pushing everything aside. But this morning, I'm watching MTV and crying my eyeballs out. Isn't that fun. It sucks though. It didnt really feel that bad while playing netball yesterday. But this morning everything goes wrong huh. So I really dont know anymore.
After all, from the moment that we met my world was turned around. Upside down. I mean how screwed can a person get when I've quit maybank as early as possible so I wont have to see you anymore but while I'm at home I'm constantly thinking of what you're doing in the office. And well, I happen to have good imagination so I come up with alot of things in my mind. Anyway, it just feels like I'm fighting to keep out of dropping into depression. Like something's missing in my life. Like what I said, its like I'm just an empty casing. I look fine on the surface but inside its the most broken thing you'd ever find. I just dont really know how to put it right now.
Questions in my head, Things left unexplained. Answers seem to fade, Into nothingness, pained. What I thought I'd never be You've made me see. I changed for you Yet you left me bruised Seeking answers, I find none. How could you have been so numb? Perhaps its something that you do. Maybe its not what you planned too. Tell me why it hurts so much? When all we did was felt and touched.
"And I feel as if I am looking at the world from the bottom of a well. Lonely and the only way to beat it is to bat it down. Oh, all the days that I have run, I sought to lose that cloud that's blacking out the sun. My train will come, some one day soon. And when it comes I'll ride it bound from night to noon. Aimless days, uncool ways of decathecting. Painless phase, blacked out thoughts you be rejecting."
I'm only a woman of flesh and bone and i wept much we all do. i thought i might die alone but i had never met you so baby be good to me.
i got nothin to give you, you see except everything, everything, everything, everything. all the good and the bad. cause i've been bad. i've lied, cheated, stolen, and been ungrateful for what i have and i'm afraid habits rule my wake in life and i'm scared and i'm runnin in my sleep for you. but all the oceans, and rivers and showers will wash it all away and make me clean for you. cause i have never met you.
so lets take a loan and put it down on a house in a place we've never lived in a place that exists in the pages of scripts and in songs that they sing and all the beautiful things that can make you weep but don't have to make you weak cause i never love somebody the way that i loved you.
Should I just give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere.