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{ Dreamer }
Definition:

1. a person who dreams.

2. a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.

3. a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.
{ Marianne }

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
It was always you.

{ Past. }

January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 October 2012 January 2013 March 2013 July 2013 August 2013 January 2014 September 2014 January 2015 July 2015

{ Sunday, May 11, 2008 }

I'd like to say it in a happy tone but yea. I cant. It's not happy. My mom is looking at me with disappointment in her eyes. "Why no card for me?" I dont get it. Just because we make a card every year we have to continue? From what I know people dont even wish their moms happy mothers' day. I know I'm the let down of the family. I failed my jc life. I suck at studying. I suck at being the good child of the family. Forget it. If I'm such a let down why dont you just say it to my face? Damn it. I just dont get it. Why cant my own freaking family understand me? Why do they always have to be the angels while I'm the devil. Why is life becoming this piece of shit that I never thought it would be. Perhaps it'd be better if I'd just made a card. Like right now. But then again, why make a card for the sake of making it? I'm exhausted. By everything. Why cant they just let me do what I want? Its not like I've taken up smoking, drinking or drug abusing. It's not like I've stopped going to church or I hurl abusive words. FORGET IT. I'm done. I'm done. I'm to the limit of running away from home. It'll come soon enough man. I mean, come on. I'm not 8 anymore. I'm 18 this year. Give me that little bit of freedom. Let me sleep at the time I want. It's not like I'm not letting doing my work. Shit lah. why the hell do I even bother? I'm feeling damn stifled, I really am. I'm gonna suffocate in my own house.

Hmmm, I'm back. The first paragraph was written last night. I slept over it. I guess I'm in the wrong? I didn't make a card for my mommy ): I'm a bad daughter. I know I am. I just have issues. Damn. I paid for lunch today. AJISEN! It seems like I'm the outcast of the family now. Why am I not surprised?

I hid in the toilet for an hour and cried my eyeballs out. Cried about everything. I just felt so freaking stifled. So people, now it's worst. My internet is gonna be off by 12am. WTH. Just my luck. Nevermind. Perhaps one fine day I'd be pushed so darn hard I'll run away from home. I cried harder when I thought of you. I cried to sleep, hugging the photo album. Hugging it tight. With paramore playing in the background, I sobbed to sleep.

So, HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY mom. I'm sorry you have a useless daughter whom you're never proud of. Whether it was academic, artistic. Even my taste in music, art, dressing. Everything. Why am I so different from the family I was born into? I honestly have no idea.

Sorry to Dal, Twin and Kenn. I know I just left without saying anything. I was just pissed. Pissed at everything. But mostly, I wanted to get to the toilet on time before I burst into tears.

I still love you. All of you. =/


{ fin }