I'd like to say it in a happy tone but yea. I cant. It's not happy. My mom is looking at me with disappointment in her eyes. "Why no card for me?" I dont get it. Just because we make a card every year we have to continue? From what I know people dont even wish their moms happy mothers' day. I know I'm the let down of the family. I failed my jc life. I suck at studying. I suck at being the good child of the family. Forget it. If I'm such a let down why dont you just say it to my face? Damn it. I just dont get it. Why cant my own freaking family understand me? Why do they always have to be the angels while I'm the devil. Why is life becoming this piece of shit that I never thought it would be. Perhaps it'd be better if I'd just made a card. Like right now. But then again, why make a card for the sake of making it? I'm exhausted. By everything. Why cant they just let me do what I want? Its not like I've taken up smoking, drinking or drug abusing. It's not like I've stopped going to church or I hurl abusive words. FORGET IT. I'm done. I'm done. I'm to the limit of running away from home. It'll come soon enough man. I mean, come on. I'm not 8 anymore. I'm 18 this year. Give me that little bit of freedom. Let me sleep at the time I want. It's not like I'm not letting doing my work. Shit lah. why the hell do I even bother? I'm feeling damn stifled, I really am. I'm gonna suffocate in my own house.
Hmmm, I'm back. The first paragraph was written last night. I slept over it. I guess I'm in the wrong? I didn't make a card for my mommy ): I'm a bad daughter. I know I am. I just have issues. Damn. I paid for lunch today. AJISEN! It seems like I'm the outcast of the family now. Why am I not surprised?
I hid in the toilet for an hour and cried my eyeballs out. Cried about everything. I just felt so freaking stifled. So people, now it's worst. My internet is gonna be off by 12am. WTH. Just my luck. Nevermind. Perhaps one fine day I'd be pushed so darn hard I'll run away from home. I cried harder when I thought of you. I cried to sleep, hugging the photo album. Hugging it tight. With paramore playing in the background, I sobbed to sleep.
So, HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY mom. I'm sorry you have a useless daughter whom you're never proud of. Whether it was academic, artistic. Even my taste in music, art, dressing. Everything. Why am I so different from the family I was born into? I honestly have no idea.
Sorry to Dal, Twin and Kenn. I know I just left without saying anything. I was just pissed. Pissed at everything. But mostly, I wanted to get to the toilet on time before I burst into tears.