I woke up at 11am today. Latest in my whole life. I have no idea why I'm so exhausted. I mean, yea. I tallked to Kenn over the phone till almost 1am but still, I used to talk till 5am and still woke up at 6am happy and energised. Of course, that's a different situation.
Perhaps I've been pushing things aside. I mean, its dumb to think I'm not affected. My mind constantly drifts back to you and what you're doing. I dont know anymore. I'm so out of everyone's life. I feel like I'm really isolated and I'm part of no one's life. I know it's about time I let it go. No, I'm fine with the way things are now, really. It's just that sometimes I cant help but wonder if I'd done things differently. If everything were different. Then again, why bother right?
So there's this exhaution that's in me right now. All I wanna do is sleep. I went to Clementi today and I really dont like going there. I have a million reasons but the strongest one is because of you. I dont know. In some ways, I wanna see you but a bigger part of me doesnt wanna see you at all. I'm afraid to see you because I know what I'll see. I wont see you alone. So clementi was just scary. SCARY. I just ate my dinner in silence and prayed for my parents to leave the place asap.
I promise to go jogging tomorrow morning with my mom if I can wake up on time. I just did 100 sit ups today (: Had chicken rice. No more instant noodles for me. I've watched TLW all the way to season 5 already. I've started on my intpsy essay. Things are looking bright and shiny for me! :D I seriously wanna go swimming. I seriously wanna go tanning and I seriously wanna finish up that art piece. I just dont have the inspiration to finish it at the moment. I'm refusing to sink but yet, who am I trying to kid? I miss you like hell. HELL.
MY DEAREST SIEWYI DARLING #2, I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE NOT ALONE (: MISS YOU LOADS AND PLEASE COME TO PLUTO ONE DAY XD WE GO SHOPPING!! SEXIFY OURSELVES UP AHHHH. (:
Tegan and Sara - Relief next to me
I miss you now I guess like I should have missed you then My body moves Like curtains waving in and out of wind, In and out of windows
I can't untangle, I can't untangle What I feel and what would matter most I can't get close and I, I can't get close And now there's just no point, In reaching out for me In the dark, I'm just no good at giving relief In the dark, It won't be easy to find relief And I'm not proud That nothing will seem easy about me But I promise this I won't go my whole life Telling you I don't need But I promise this I won't go my whole life Telling you I don't need
I'll tell you now I guess like I should have told you then The thunder moves Like damn drawers slamming in my frame Slamming in my framework
I can't untangle, I can't untangle What I know and what should matter most I can't get close and I, I can't get close And now there's just no point, In reaching out for you In the dark, I'm just no good at giving relief In the dark, It won't be easy to find relief And I'm not proud That nothing will seem easy about me But I promise this I won't go my whole life Telling you I don't need
Darkness, go away. This fragile heart will fade. Time, do not play. I'd be better off dead.