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{ Dreamer }
Definition:

1. a person who dreams.

2. a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.

3. a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.
{ Marianne }

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
It was always you.

{ Past. }

January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 October 2012 January 2013 March 2013 July 2013 August 2013 January 2014 September 2014 January 2015 July 2015

{ Monday, December 1, 2008 }

I really dont see the point. Its always a domino effect.

So freaking lame. I'm tired. It just feels like everything I build up, I built to watch it fall. Sucks.

I'm really on the edge already. Its like you try so hard to be who everyone wants you to be and you just crumble from the weight. So forget it.

And yeah, I'm pissed. Pissed that nothing seems to be going right. Pissed that everything just keeps on piling. Pissed that I cant even fnd time for myself.

Am I happier now? Hell no. Liberated? No. I'm nothing. For once I feel so freakng alone but who gives a shit right? Am I happier now? NO. I'm not happier. I'm not living a better life now. I'm not enjoying life at the moment. I'm just drowning. I want to just get away.

I have my girls, yeah. But time keeps me away from my girls. And you know what? The worst part is that my mind keeps me from my girls. My own friggin mind.

I keep trying to find the strength in myself to just close one eye and bear with it. Remembering your words but still I find myself feeling so freaking suffocated at times. Tell me what to do.

URGH. Now that I've gotten that out, I'm sorry to my dearest SIEWYI! ): I have to rush off tmr cos of projects AGAIN. This sucks. I have so much to tell you and rant to you about. Seriously. I'm really really sorry.

So again, am I happier now? NO, I feel like shit. I feel like an asshole. I feel like a bitch. I'm not happy. NOT happy with what life has installed for me. NOT happy with how life has tunred out to be.

Lanze said I looked deflated after the presentation. Guess what? I wasn't deflated. I felt like breaking down and crying till I faint. Why? Because I was thinking of so many things. My whole saturday spent on the cards and now the cards wont even be used. And all they could say was 'Why didnt you all use cards that were ready made already?' FISH. Seriously. And then I thought about what I saw. It just felt like the whole weight of the world's on my shoulder. And I try so hard to be there for everyone.

Why does everything fall apart? Its like last year all over again. Just without the maybank part. TSK. Seriously, forget it. I'm just irritated and pissed and all. So yeah, forget I said anything. JUst forget it.

Brani Carlile - Shadow on the wall
Gone
It's hard for me to see when I'm wrong
It's hard for me to weep when I'm strong
But I could never sleep when you're gone
Oh but still
If you were gonna crucify me
I wouldn't want nobody to see
'Cause you could kick me hard when I'm down
Down, down, down
I don't want wanna be
Nobody's fool
I've played that part so many times before
How I long to be
A shadow on the wall
I will make no sound at all
And when the sun goes down
The shadow on the wall
It cannot be seen at all
At all
Over it
Hey it's not that you would mess with my head
I believe that you believe what you said
You think you know me best and you care
But that's not fair!
'Cause I don't really want to be safe
It must have been the way I was raised
Sleep with one eye open I say
Hey hey hey
I don't wanna be
Nobody's fool
I've played that part so many times before
How I long to be
A shadow on the wall
I will make no sound at all
And when the sun goes down
The shadow on the wall
It cannot be seen at all
At all
Oh
How I long to be
A shadow on the wallI would make no sound at all
At all

My favourite song at the moment with my favourite show! Grey's Anatomy (: Love it :D OOH, I realised I feel wayyy better now. PHEW.

& how I long to be a shadow on the wall; blending with the backgrounds not making a sound. I wanna be like completely invisible sometimes. Non existent.



{ fin }