Want. Its a want. Why is it a want? It shouldnt even be a want.
I feel like shit.
Like I'm dying. Its like I can watch mtv and cry again.
WTF. Screw up my life like that.
Heart, I hate you.
and I realise the problem with guys. SELF ABSORBED. They just wanna talk about themselves.
I have to go to church tomorrow for children's lit. Why? Because twin wants to show me his new crush.
Justin Ng gave me the advice of "Give it up. Forget it. Pick me!"
Every other guy said "I'm bored"
Well, go to hell. aybe that'll be fun and not so boring. I'm pissed and broken. You're bored. I'm supposed to entertain you? go to hell. I mean it. Go kill yourself. Throw yourself off the building. Call me a drama queen. Whatever. You dont livethis life. You have no freaking idea how drama it can get.
OH OH ultimate "My name is the patrion saint of alter servers and first communion." OMG, get a life. I'm in no mood at all. Good for you dude but I'm sorta feeling five hundred thousand feet underground.
Its like Marianne, who gives a shit about how you're feeling? I have to do things because it makes other people happ. I need to meet someone's new crush. I have to be someoe's friend. What about what I have to do for myself. What. WTF. Its seriously so assholic. I feel like shit. Seriously. Everytime something good happens in life, something bad happens too.
Let's see. When there was James there was Jem and HM. When there was Ice, there was every other girl. I dont even wanna talk about soe f-ed up guy. Now when there's this there's all that.
I dont get it. I dont get anything. Its always a dead end road I drive myself into. Why did I fall so fast? I have no idea. But yeah. This was really something I wanted. BADLY. Someone who fnally made me wow. So much more than the f-ed up guy. And this happens. It just makes life seem so pointless. Makes life feel so hopeless. Makes everything look so bleak. So fragile. Make me feel like I'm some big fat ass joke hung up high for the world to laugh at. That's what it feels like. Like the whole world has a joke and i dont know what it is only to realise the joke's on me.
What is it. Seriously. Is it just me? Is it just me who attracts controversy and drama? Is it just me that makes people hate me. Is it just me that the world hates me? What is it. WHAT. URGH.
Its so stifling when I cant put my finger on things.