{ Dreamer }

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
It was always you.

January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 October 2012 January 2013 March 2013 July 2013 August 2013 January 2014 September 2014 January 2015 July 2015

BOOOO :D

Another happy day thanks to the one thing I can never get by without; MUSIC.

Anyways, I joined this iLike thingy on Facebook and I get like FREE mp3s although its like unknown but some of them are really GOOD! (: Love it!

Oh, amazing news. I dreamt of Ice again. LOL. I have no idea why I keep dreaming of Ice but it has to stop. LOL. Anyways, its like we're FRIENDS again and we're hanging out with two of her friends and we bought clothes. And we were walking to some bus stop when she turned to me and asked me "Do you think I'll like what you like and you'll like what I'll like?" and I was like HUH?! hahaha. Oh then there was this old lady walking in front of us and then there was a bus coming so the bus's shadow covers the old lady and she like got a shock or something and moved away fro the old lady and I asked her "Its just the shadow of the bus." And she says "I know, but still *shivers*" LOL. Its like she knows but she still finds it creepy -.- So we got to the bus stop and guess what? IT WAS A PURPLE BUS! LOL. So we sat and waited and she was sittng on this metal thing and suddenly the thing folded automatically. AUTOMATIC SEAT. And she was like "WTH?!" And we were all laughing and then I woke up.

HAHA, weird dreams I have. Seriously. I woke up and tried to fall asleep cos I wanted to see what wet on after that but I couldnt so I woke up and played my guitar. LOL. TSK. I need to stop dreaming of you.

Just one of the singers that stood out among the group of music I call the Random Facebook Music that I got from iLike thingy. DAMN NICE! (:

Oh, and woman's call made me laugh just now. She should know why. HAHA. TSK.

5th March Khairul Hakim's gonna drive me to school to watch his vid and then drive us to Singapore Indoor Stadium for JAAAAASOOOON! :D So exciting. First time I'll be sitting in his car. BETTER DRIVE CAREFULLY AH! LOL.

& JASON MRAZ IS 5 FREAKING SHORT DAYS AWAY! :D

{ fin }

JUST COS YOU'RE IN A BAD MOOD DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO GIVE OTHER PEOPLE YOUR SHIT JUST TO LET THEM KNOW YOU AINT FEELING GOOD. GET A LIFE. BECAUSE I DONT CARE. INCONSIDERATE ASSES.

{ fin }

Hello people (:

Marianne Chan is happy she's had today to herself. :D

Things I've accomplished today:
Perfect songs, watch jason vids, blogshop hop (I promise I didnt buy ANYTHING), DRAW! and played guitar.

I've also set up couple of dates :D Drinking with MATEW and maybe even J. MATEW. LOL. That means Jaryl, Maranne, Timothy, Eddy and Wan. HAHA. Watch netball this sunday, going out on 4th march. WHOOPEE. Meeting my love siewyi next saturday too! ;D Miss you honey!

CHAN HUI MUI ARE WE STILL GOING BUGIS ON 11TH?! I WANNA GET SOME STUFF TOO! XD

Went all the way to Novena and on the train there were these two guys standing right in front of me and they were like smelling each other? LOL. It was hilarious. I had to like seriously put my hand over my mouth to like stop myself from laughing out loud. HAHA, DAMN HILARIOUS PLEASE.

Anyways, so been listening non stop to HEY MONDAY. They are pretty amazing! :D

That's their song Candles. Its like one o their best songs ever (: Amazing lyrics just blew me away the minute I heard the song. I LOVE IT. :D Props to Cassadee Pope; lead singer.

Oh wells, that's about it I guess :D

& blow the candles out; looks like a solo tonight

{ fin }

HELLO WORLD; EXAMS ARE OVER! HAPPINESS BESTOW ON ALL PCS PEOPLE! :D

Anyways, I'm glad we all made it through the 3 papers. WHOOPEE!

So here's what's gonna happen

EVERYTHING IS PREPARATION FOR JAAAAASON MRAAAAZ.

So I smsed everyone a happy happy sms to remind them about 4th march. And for the FIRST TIME, MR JAMES TAN YONG HUI is the first to reply after like 2 minutes of sending the sms! LOL. And I bet he's not coming since Eng Chuan's not going. BUT we're going to go on without them :D Who cares. LOL.

HMMMM, what else. I have absolutely NOTHING to blog about. And I've decided I dont wanna go for Tarci's chalet thingy tomorrow. I'M TOO LAZY. I was more of thinking about staying home watching jason vids and going to Lot one to walk around or maybe even Westmall or somewhere else.

So here's what. I'm going to parrrrty and like write more stuff. Poems. HAHA.

Come on darlings, ask me out. LOL.

& I'm trying not to ruin the one thing I believe in; you.

{ fin }

Hello world. In case you havent noticed,

JASON MRAZ IS 9 DAYS AWAY!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHA, SHIT. ITS DAMN FAST.

Anyways, a whole day of lifespan is killing me but I think I need it. REALLY need it. So I'm taking a break right now. Dont know if I'll be online tonight so yeah. HAHA.

Woman will scold me for being a mugger but yeah. I NEED TO MUG. I'm not you haha.

So I've been listening non stop to graham colton. Good lyrics good music :D

Anyways, that's Cellophane girl. Its a great song and I cant find any other video that has good audio besides this one. LOL.

2 more days to freedom. 1B01, WE CAN PULL THROUGH THIS! HAHAHA, LIFESPAN SUCKS BUT IT'LL BE OVER SOON!

Nehneh! HAHA, miss me that much huh! Love you darrrrling! :D

& you're in my telescope.

Love,

{ fin }

One down; two to go! (:

Today's a pretty great day :D I wished BP good luck last night. Every single time I talk to him it just makes it even clearer its so impossible. But I dont feel down. LOL.

Back to today. I guess studying for stats sort of pays off. At least the effort put in resulted in at least a proportionate result. CHIM.

Anyways, on the bus I realised that guys always look so much more charming when they smile. LOL. Everyone loves a smiley guy :D

I'm happy because I'm back in business. My music well is back :D WHOOPEE.

Anyway, funny thing thinking back today. When I met Wenjie (is that his name?) outside his class and we asked each other "Exam ah?" at the same time. Like DUH. Its exam week! LOL. Smart! Met him on 151 again -.-

Erm erm erm, I know I have more to blog about but I cant remember what. LOL.

OH I dreamt about stats the other day luh! See what exams are doing to me. I was staring at the paper and couldn't remember the t(df)=t-value, p<0.05

Talked to Lanze last night and I've been knighted as the warrior of love because I sort of fight for love. LOL. WOW. HAHA, that's so cheesy but yeah. HAH, only my brother could come up with that -.- Warrior of love. TSK.

So I watched Kyle XY, this show on starworld. ITS SO NICE TO WATCH! HAHA. And I heard this song which seemed to be so correct about life :D

With everything I've ever done
I'd give it all to everyone for one more day
Another night I'm waking through
Another door I walk into
I can't break

It's a winding road
It's a long way home

So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late
Cuz these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives

I count the steps the distance to
The time when it was me and you is so far gone
Another face another friend
Another place another end but I'll hang on

It's a winding road
It's a long way home

So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late
Cuz these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Yeah let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives

It's a winding road
It's a long way home

So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late
Cuz these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of it

So don't wait cuz no-one can tell you it's too late
Cuz these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Yeah let's make the best of tonight
We'll make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives

& ont wait; for someone to tel you its too late

{ fin }

EMPTY.

That's what I'm feeling right now. Maybe its because of exams and shit. I dont know. I'm tired.

AND I'm supposed to talk to him today right? HAHA, maybe later.

I'm so happy. Thursday will be the last day (: FREEDOM.

Life has to start soon. I need it to before I die of depression.

Siewyi love, hope you're feeling better! ESP that tooth! (: Love you babe :D

Woman, see you tmr after ONE week (:

Khairul Hakim, you're a great great friend!

Wan, 11 DAYS DUDE!!!! Hell yeah!

Ash wednesday is this wednesday. After lifespan. TSK. I think I'll go there like early (: Just to pray.

After exams, I'll go back for children's lit. XD

I wanna be alive. I need my adventures soon!

I LOVE ALPHABEAT :D

& my feet keep taking me to your street; where I might meet you. That's what I wanna do.

{ fin }

I'm in a happy dancing shake my ass mood thanks to ALPHABEAT! (:

LOL. They are this fantastic band from denmark I think. LOL. Damn nice :D

Anyways, my electronics are failing me. First it was my lappy's clicky thingy so I have to use a bloody mouse now. Second thing was my earphone, the connection got lousy and so I can only hear music from my left earpiece. Now, my handphone has been PERMANENTLY silenced. TSK. I think I learnt from woman and dropped it like wayyyy too many times. Less than a year okay. LOL. I remembered I was about to leave maybank when I got it. Oh wait. It's ALMOST a year. HAH.

That's life. Never count on technology because technology aint counting on you. HA.

I have complaints! Dalziel is driving me nuts. -.- He's trying so hard to ask me out when I dont wanna go out with him -.- He ask me to bring him to bugis village. Like OMG get a life dude. Get there by yourself. AND he ask me to go drinking with him. PLEASE, I do not want to go drinking with you. TSK. What pissed me off was when he asked "Meh, have you like lost faith in guys?" WTH. I'm choosing to be single and not with a boyfriend or a gilfriend okay. What lost faith in guys. BULLSHIT. Apparently you dont have to lose faith in guys to become a lesbian. GET A LIFE. Urgh, piss me off.

Okay, enough. I just realised. I HAVENT SEEN WOMAN FOR A WHOLE WEEK! AND I HAVENT SEEN SIEWYI FOR MONTHSSS! What is Singapore's education system doing to me. URGH.

So here's what I have to do AFTER exams. Find job, go out with hm and gang, Tarci's patrician chalet thingy, meet siewyi (:, bugis shopping with hm and woman separately (LOL) and GUITARRRRRR! OH OH AND NOVEL.

AND OF COURSE, JASON'S IN LIKE 12 DAYSSSS! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. HAHAHAHA! MARIANNE CHAN IS GONA GO MAD SOON COS ITS ALMOT DOWN TO LIKE ONE DIGIT NUMBER OF DAYS AWAY FROM HIS CONCERT!

AND I'm gonna kill the dude wo created lifespan psychology who is probably DEAD already. I'm gonna dig up his grave and like like like I dunno infest it with rats and shit. LOL.

Okay, for everyone who is in need of relaxation, watch this video and go mad (: Let your hair down! :D

You can laugh at how hilarious the dude looks shaking the tambourine XD I tremendously enjoy their songs (: HAHA. And woman doesnt like the woman's voice. I wonder why. HMPH. HAHA, they're such a fun band! :D

& happiness is a choice. Its not easy but its a choice. (:

{ fin }

Tired of studying. That's what I'm hearing from everyone. Its what I'm feeling too. Tired.

Anyways, my mom decided to bring me out. We went to like OG at bugis area and guess who I saw? Rui Ting aka RT LOL. TSK, talk about small world. For those who dont know, she's this bung who I barely know in person but I went up to her and asked her for a photo with her. WTH. LOL. Craziest shit I've ever done.

Anyways, bugis holds many memories. HAHA. MANY.

I dont have anything to blog about. Life's boring. HAHA, tsk.

SIEWYI, yes. Special place in my heart for life! (: Love you honey!

Think its madness this life. I need new music. Anyone has good songs to introduce or bands? Like really good indie bands and shit. I need new music in my life.

I realised that alot of people including myself are giving up things or people we hold so dear to us. Giving up because its going nowhere. Giving up because there's no future. I also realised how self absorbed everyone really is. We all wanna talk about ourselves wth the pretence that we wanna talk about the person we're talking to.

Life's short. Why do we like to hurt so much? I think its something we should ask ourselves constantly. Why choose hurt over happiness? Why choose to be binded by chains than to run free? Why choose the life of everyone else instead of choosing a special path? Why do we hide our true selves from the world? Why do we conform to what society wants us to be? Why do we study for the sake of getting an alphabet on a piece of paper? Why do the things we do? WHY. Its always the question.

Well, what can I say? I feel like lifes pretty empty right now. There's not much to really make it exciting and adventurous. I'm waiting for exams to be over before I start my artistic shit. More poems, more songs, more drawings, and a novel (: I cant wait for exams to be over for jason to come for everything to just go back to carereedays of ust working get money meet friends spend money.

& there's a reason why we're all 3D.

{ fin }

I have decided. Black panther has been taken off my msn nickname, off my desktop contacts.

I know I'll still scream when I see him or like when he smiles and waves. TSK. That's why this is the best time because its exams nd then holidays! I will NOT see him much (: WHOOPEE.

And I'm still gonna talk to him online on sunday. Which might screw m up all over again. But yeah, LOL.

Like WTH, I wrote a song for him -.-

OKAY, BYEBYE BLACK PANTHER LOL. I DONT WANNA SEEEE YOU.

LOL, I'll be so screwed if next sem's IS class is the same as him AGAIN. -.- I'll die (:

{ fin }

Today marks one year of the breakup with Ice.

I realised it only at like 5pm when I looked at my phone calendar. LOL. How funny is that huh. A YEAR.

I remember exactly what I was doing on this very night a year back. I was eating dinner at westmall's mouth kitchen with twin. We were walking to te 985 bus stop when I got the sms. I didnt cry on the spot. Only when twin hugged me then I started crying. All the way home. HAHA.

So like I've told alot of people who ask if I'm over Ice, I tell them I think she's one person I'll never get over because of so many things but basically bacause she was such an important person of my life. She was the catalyst of change in my life. So yeah, I just feel like she's one person I wont ever get over because she's played an important part in my life. She's like part of it already. Haha.

Yeah, I only realised after reading the whole notebook about her. Reading back what we did together and all. I'd do it all over again if I could. Haha (:

18th Feb 2009

They say I'm insane; they say I'm mad.
For loving you when you dont love me back.
But they dont know what we had.
They dont know what I lack.

They can say whatever the like;
Try to tell me I'm walking on a wire.
But they dont know the battles I fight,
They dont know the reasons I cry.

Its having your arms around me;
A safe haven where I can sleep.
Its having you whisper in my ear;
And tell me everything I need to hear.
Its having your smile to smile back at;
The only thing that drives me mad.
Its having your lips on my lips;
The feeling of your beautiful kiss.

So try; time and again.
To tell me I'm living in a dream.
To say that its the end.
And there's no point in wanting to scream.
They say "Let it go;
You foolish girl"
But they dont know;
Your eyes and your world.

& in remembrance; chimpanzees on ice

{ fin }

OMG. I'm going to co-write a novel with Kenn (:

Its so excting and I refuse to let any information out yet but its gonna be a blast to write something so close to heart. I wanted to write about it on my own but I didnt know where to start. So with Kenn this might actually work (: Since he's coming from a viewpoint of guys.

It so freaking exciting OMG. He's like that first person who seems to share my passion for literature. Or writing anyways.

ARGH!!! So exciting please. Seriously.

HOW AM I GONNA FOCUS ON EXAMS NOW?! TSK!

Its a deal! ;D

{ fin }

I just had to blog. Just had to.

Its overwhelming. Everyone's asking me why I'm still awake and I tell them I'm waiting. They ask me what for?

What for? I wonder too. Its so obvious but still I wait. Its not like me to wait. I dont wait. I've never had to wait. If I dont see any future, I dont wait. But for you, I wait. In vain. Every single day I wait for nothing. And yet I wait.

You know what? You're interesting. I cant figure you out and that's why. I know nothing about you that's why.

So is this just a feeling or will it go away? Because its getting overwhelming and I cant stand it. I dont want to stay in this box forever.

I'm invisible to you. You dont even see me so why do I wait? Why do I bother? Why. That's alwas the question. Why. Why wait when you obviously dont see me at all. I'm not there. At all.

Still, I wait. Wait for you to come online so that I can stare at that rectangular box on my desktop and wait for it to blink. And when it gets late I wait for you to go offline. Wait.

So pointless, the thngs I do. Kenn says I'm weird. I guess I am. I just have different ways of thinking of things than other people. I just have different perceptions on things.

Would I say I love you? I dont know. I dont want to throw the word around. So no, I'm not in love.

& its you and me and all other people but I dont know why. I cant keep my eyes off you.

{ fin }

Smiley faces upside down. That's what I see everywhere.

There's certain sort of strong bad vibe I'm getting today. I got up in the morning and just didnt feel like doing ANYTHING. I tried to study but nothing would go in. I feel restless but I dont know what to do. TSK. I dont like this feeling at all.

YAYYYY, I have a deal with my dearest best friend SIEWYI to met her ever last day of the month (: I love you okay! There's NO WAY I'm gonna let you slip out of my life that easily okay! :D

Okay, absolutely NOTHING to blog about. Besides this shitty feeling I'm feeling that's a little better now that I'm talking to my dearest love, Siewyi :D She makes me happy (: HAHA.

GOODBYE.

& whenever you walk by and we meet

{ fin }

I need to rant.

What's the point? I feel so idiotic trying to organize a gathering for people who cant be bothered. You, you disappoint me. I wanted to remember why I loved you. WHY. I mean, I understand if its Sam cos he's always been like that. The world revolves around him, everthing is about him. But you, I was hoping you'd have changed. Be a different person from what Sam's been telling me you are. URGH. You just leave the conversation and even if you're in it you dont talk or anything. You know what? I see it now. You're a loser. You dont treasure friendships. You dont try to make an effort or even fake an effort to be part of a group. Our group. This group that's supposed to be your's and not mine but has now become mine nd not your's cos you try so hard to distance yourself from it. Forget it. I feel so assholic and dumb trying to make you attend these gatherings. And each time you give excuses and shit You're never around.

And wth. I dunno anything? Maybe. Perhaps I really dont. I dnt know anything about anyone's life. I feel so far away from this group that I once loved so much because we were bonded through relationships and tangles but we still stayed a group. No matter what our history was we stayed together. But now, its just faling part in my face. Somehow it feels like I'm the only one who sees the group as such. So maybe everyone's moved on or something. But hey, its a group that meant alot to me and it still means alot to me nd it sucks to see everyone going away from it and being so far away.

So seriously, I really think that I know nothing of anyone anymore. Like seriously, forget it. If you're not interested you can just tell me. Like tell me you dont wanna meet up because you dont feel comfortable with them anymore. Although I dont see how that happens when you were all in the same freaking cca. I'm the one who's the outsider of the group. I'm the one who should feel left out. I'm the one who should feel uncomfortable. Its been 3 years. 3 years since anything happened between us. Its been 3 years since we've had a proper outing together. 3 years doesnt change anything. You're still te same. You dont take responsibility for anything an whatever you dont think you can handle you escape. Loser.

I'm tired. Tired of clearing up your shit. I cant be bothered anymore.

& you're still you; in case you dont remember.

{ fin }

I'm in a feel good mood. No idea why.

I'm also in a i-have-no-idea-what-to-blog-about mood. LOL.

But here's what I wanna say. I BOUGHT MY SANDALS! (: WHOOPEE. I think my previous one was still nicer but yeah. This one works fine :D

What else? Oh, I'm happy with my hair (: Everyone says its nice (: YAY

Oh twin's in love; good for him (: So is Khairul (: HAHA, all in love. TSK TSK.

Me? I'm ignoring love. LOL. When I ignore it I dont feel it so IGNORE IT I WILL :D

I studied today and yesterday and like everyday -.- LOL. I'm such a nerd. HAHA (: But yes, it feels good :D OH, I might go open up my blog again. People are starting to complain but I'm still contemplating (:

Woman's irritating LOL. Keep buggin me to blog. Imagine if I dont blog for one day. Bet she'll die. LOL.

OHHHH! I dreamt about Ice today. Cant remember what happened though. XD

Tegan and Sara are amazing (: They still amaze me (: WHOOPEE (:

& my heart tends to skip a beat

{ fin }

Today's Valentine's Day has been better than last year's. (: For pictures please go to woman's blog or Facebook LOL.

Anyways, going back to Buddy was great (: HAHA, we ralised we havent been back there for 6 months! TSK. We had fun (: LOL.

Anyways, what is love? LOL. Philosophical question. Love, some say its just a word. Some try to buy love. Some try to possess love. Some are obsessed with love, some cant be bothered with love. What is love?

Love blinds. Love huts. Love leaves people in the happiest of minds but cuts worse than being pierced by a pin a million times. Love, its something everyone wants yet some of us push it way. Some of us waste it away. Some of us hide it inside us and never let it show. Some people want to embrace it but yet are afraid to do so.

Most of us? We go through life looking and searching for love when we never find it. We try to make love work, sparks fly. We try. And we fail. We fail multiple times.

Then comes a day like today. A day where couples go out and celebrate their love out in the open. For everyone to see. Then there are those who are single. Those who stay home and weep about previous love opportunities. Those who go out and try to be happy but seeing couples just make them cry. Or the worse few who wallow in self pity and whine about staying home alone on valentine's day, doing nothing. What's the point?

Love, its fluid. Who said love has to be between people of relationships? Love. Who came up with that word? I mean, imagine if hate meant love and love meant hate. Couples would tell each other I hate you. LOL. That would be interesting. Love, it messes with people's brains. Is it a chemical? I doubt it. Can it be expressed with roses or words? No it cant. Love, its a ord that's been thrown around worthlessly. Its no longer valued. The word love is like the word 'the'. Its been too commonly used. Love should be like a vulgarity. ONly used when you feel it. When you have the emotion for it. When you feel the passion for it. That's love.

My opinion anyways. Throw it away if you dont like it.

So yes, LOVE. Treasure it darlings (: Those who have it already or think they have it. LOL.

A shirt tucked out and your hands tucked in.
When dark things come calling, they want you to hear.
The sweet humming underground; sleeveless and tired.
A love type thing, a sure type thing.

Keep your ears wide open for the sound of the door.
If they want you, they'll take you, and that is for sure.
The sweet humming underground sleeveless and sore.
A love type thing, a sure type thing.
A love type thing, a sure type thing.
Oh it's a love type thing, a sure type thing.
Oh it's a love type thing, a sure type thing.

& that makes my heart flutter when I see you.

{ fin }

Today has been a fruitful day.

I studied like there's no tomorrow.

So Valentine's day is coming in a few hours. Couples out there must be so freaking excited (: Another V day being single. What's new? lol.

Anyways going out with woman tomorrow (: Celebrate SINGLEHOOD! HAHA, my first drink in a few weeks. No, days. Last ime was 5th feb yeah.

OMG, Jason Mraz is 20 days away. Probably gonna meet timo and aamir before that. HAH. We got alot of catching up to do. Whoo.

So friday 13th has been an alright day I guess. I was too busy studyin to think about much else. What I did do was read a small bit of 'The Transformation'. It was just a journal that I kept during my maybank period. HAHA. It sounds like such a fairytale now. Like it never really happened. But we both know it did. It did happen.

Ah wells (:

Peeekchurrrrrrrs!

Timothy! XD

Waiting to meet Simon.

The boys.

The girls! (:

New hair :D

So, so far what I've heard is that girls love my new hair. Guys hate it. HAHA. A little help my dears I'm supposed to be turning straight. -.-

Anyways, this song refuses to leave my head so yeah (:

You're never around on friday nights. You're wild. I dont like wild guys. So whatever. Too tired, too exhausted.

I MISS SIEWYI LOVE ALL OF A SUDDEN ): HOPE SHE HAS AN AMAZING VALENTINE'S DAY TOMORROW! (: LOVE YOU BABE :D

& black panther, there's something about you

{ fin }

WHOO.

Hello world. Marianne has cut her hair. You cannot imagine how nerve wrecing it is for me to cut my hair. Its so stressful that my hair might just drop completely before its cut. I'm thankful that woman was there with me while I was cutting. Thanks woman (: You might not feel it but your presence there meant alot to me :D

So I'm with short hair now. And I really like it! BUT I have to like blow it properly. HAHA.

Anyways, we had class lunch today! (: Glad we did. It was pretty fun although the table was so long it was hard to pay attention to both sides. Then OB. OB was funny. 5 minutes with Simon. He was surprised that I had a sombre side. HAHA, cos he only saw the laughing play play side of me in class. LOL.

Okay, nothing much else to write about (:
Pictures on facebook XD Cos blogger is being an ASS.

I wish you'd notice. You'd say something. You'd see me but to you; I'm invisible. I'm already so used to it.

& but you just had to raise that bar.

{ fin }

Today's topic is death. Mr Tan did something with us and it turned out to be pretty symbolic. I guess now people know why its so hard for me to let go of things. I'm a keeper. I store things I dont like to throw them away. Here's a list of what I didnt throw:
1) Mom
2) Dad
3) Brother
4) Twinkle boy
5) SIEWYI (:
6) WOMAN :D
7) Love
8) Courage
9) An open heart
10) An open mind
11) Memories!
12) Music
13) Adventures
14) GOD; definitely god.

Anyways, today's focus group was funny. LOL. FUNNY and FUN.

Felt a little down during lifespan. I guess it was just I dunno. I miss bp. LOL. Yeah, whatever. I cant let go. All it take is just seeing bp online. URGH.

I'm going to cut my hair! (:

DEATH; its inevitable. Enjoy the present!

Allura - Closure
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to do
Everything seems to fade away.
Everything doesn't seem logical.

You don't know me like you should.
Find someone find anyone, find somebody else.
I'm tired of trying to be sensible.
Find someone, find anyone, find somebody else.
I'm feeling too cold, too lost,
too old to last, to even try anymore.
I'm just pretending I'm okay.

I don't know where to
don't know what to do
You don't know me like you should.
Find someone find anyone, find somebody else.
I'm tired of trying to be sensible.
Find someone, find anyone, find somebody else.
I'm feeling too cold, too lost,
too old to last, to even try anymore.
I'm just pretending I'm okay.

Take a look at me now
Do you even know me now?
Did you even try?

Dont even try anymore.

Allura's a singaporean band. They're like one of the first ew singaporean bands I actually find worth listening to (: Amazingly written song!

& I was willing to love you from afar.

{ fin }

Yes, the whole world decides on 100209 to be depressed.

Woman, I know you're feelin frustrated about it. But I guess it no point rushing him into it anyways. (:

Siewyi love, you know I love you no matter what happens (: Miss you so so much as well! Please meet up soon before I drown in depression! HAHA :D LOVE YOU!

Edmund, I'm learning to forgive. Dont fall for a player. DONT. He's not worth it. He'll just break your heart time and time again.

I feel proud of myself. I cheered two friends up in like one night. LOL. AND I'm finally getting don to some serious studying. Like FINALLY.

So I'm sorry for being an ASS in emily's class and being so idiotic. There's just so so much on my mind. The whole BP thing which seriously I see it going absolutely no where and still I hold on. How dumb can I get. TSK.

I'm depressed. Seriously, deep inside I know I am upset. Upset. Why? Because I knew the answer from the start. Heart, you've failed me yet again. Tsk. I'm disappointed in you. Its been multiple times you've failed me. I just wont ake it anymore. I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away. I give up because everytime I try it falls apart and when I dont try it still falls apart. I'm tired of trying. That's it. The hole of all holes. I know I wont get up ever. I wanted this one to work. Cos he was everything and more. BUT I guess I was wrong. Does it matter? No, it doesnt matter anymore. Forget it. Just forget it. I'm wayyy too tired and there are more important things in life than love. Isn't it?

I feel small. I feel puny. In this BIG BIG world. I feel puny. And I hide everything inside because I'm not used to expressing myself. But yeah, I' m really tired now. I want to give up; someone teach me how to.

& although I was willing to just run and hide.

{ fin }

Falling, I'm falling.

I feel like its falling.

So impossible; yet I want it.

Wake up girl.

{ fin }

Today's my first day of trying to be straight LOL. HELLO, I'm failing.

I caught up on my TLW season 6 today. LOL. OMG, Jenny -.- She can be such a bitch.

Anyways, today's been a pretty alright day (: Went to school early in the morning just to return the dumb blazer. Went to Makan Place for horrible lunch and then off home we went. Woman use my house as study area luh -.- HAHA. But good. At least this way I studied a little too! (:

OH, I'm feeling messed up. I feel so URGH about the whole BP thing all of a sudden. HAHA. I dont know luh. Its dumb :D

Restless hearts; sleep alone tonight.

Sports climbing class! (:

PLAYDAY (:

HAH, 7 years of friendship and counting.

Okay, this is the ONLY picture we both look hot in.

Must have playday again! TSK. I missed out on all the scandalous parts. TSK.

OH, now I know what I missed. Today woman and I were walking to the bus stop when we walked past DEREK SEE. LOL. OMG, WTH. His eyes opened damn wide please. His hair's hilarious. AND I just kept dranking my green tea.

& black panther; I cat hide what I feel inside.

{ fin }

Haha not much to blog about. Besides the face that I have something really HUGE to announce.

I'M TURNING STRAIGHT.

Lol. Went to church today and for the first time in a whole year did I actually feel like the gospel was seriously god himself talking to me. The psalm was about praising the lord fr he heals the broken hearted. And guess what? I believed. The Father John Wong spoke about trusting god in the homily. I guess its right. It was about entrusting things into god's hands instead of trying to make them happen by ourselves. He said entrust your life in god's hands and you'll find new life. How meaningful is that huh. So yes. I'm turning straight; for good. I think. I'll try.

BP has not been online for 3 nights straight already ): TSK.

Alphabeat - dont you touch my boyfriend. He's not your boyfriend; he's mine.

& you'll never know what we could be.

{ fin }

Just thought of something woman said a few days back. Oh wait. Friday! HAHA.

She said I was never this happy when I was with Derek. I guess its true. His every move didnt wow me.

Yet, BP. TSK. Something as small as a smile and a wave that I get and give to all my friends but from BP it blows me away. What is wrong with you, marianne chan?

Anyway, timothy SEOW said I changed alot! HAHA, he was like omg marianne on my facebook. We havent met since dunno how long. ): Whatever became of M.A.T.E?!

And Shaiz apologised for the smile he gave in the photo with me. LOL. Forced smile. TSK!

She watches as he passes her by,
Wondering if he'd see her.
Unknowingly she wonders why,
He'd even turn to greet her.

Still, he turns around before he leaves
And does what he does to please her.
A little wave makes her heart skip beats
The feeling that nothing else could be better.

Its been so long since she's felt this way,
That someone's been able to blow her away.
Every single move, makes her heart race,
She's caught up in one big craze.
Happy times, that's what they were,
Just when everything started feeling sure.
Times that have now come to pass,
Times that have gone by too fast.

Every week, she sees him once.
Fortunately, in that one same class.
Hoping for just one chance,
That he'd look her way at long last.

Time and again, their eyes meet.
And he'll smile that sweet sweet smile.
The one that blows her off her feet.
A yearning that started out so mild.

LOL. its INCOMPLETE. Ah well (:

& you'll never know what you mean to me ;D

{ fin }

BOOYA! (:

I'm feeling kind of tired and like pretty much in a thinking to much state. LOL.

Anyways, had Research Symposium today. Like finally its all over. But it turned out to be a little more fun than expected. It was like graduation. LOL. Year one graduation. How fun. Everyone looked nice especially the guys (:

Anyways, 26 days to JASON MRAZ!

I'm happy for woman (: HAHA, she's like so happy with her white tiger now XD TODAY MAN WOMAN, MAKE IT TODAY!

Me, I'm happy to just be able to wave luh. LOL. And you know what? I'm still waiting. What for? I really dont know. But I am waiting. I guess its worth it or something I dont know. I dont mind waiting. As long as we get to meet once in a while with a smile and a wave. That's all I ask (:

Alphabeat; love them cos they sound so retro. What is happening? LOL. I'd like to know myself.

V day's coming people; make your move. HAHA. Get attached, be happy. LOL.

& the warmth in your eyes; like a warm embrace.

{ fin }

Hello world; I've been busy XD

So yesterday was a pretty tiring day for me. Went to Sentosa for tanning early in the morning with woman! (:

It was shiok luh. Mr sun was kind enough to show up (: We were so nicely tanned (:

Anyways, went back to school for OB then went home. Got changed; went off to meet Wan.

Was kind of feeling a little uncertain cos I've never been so dressed up before, seriously! But yeah, meeting Wan was nice (: Long time dude! And off we went to get dinner (NASI LEMAK) and then off to the irish pub LOL. Drank a pint of kilkenny again -.-

Went to PLAY. We took a cab THE WRONG WAY. Imagine that. It was jam packed with girls please. Couldnt even take photos! It was like back to boobs situation. OMG. HOT. Rebecca Tan and Irene Ang were there too! WHOO HAWT. Anyways, sadly me and shorty had to go off first while Wan stayed on. HAH.

TODAY TODAY, THE DAY I'VE BEEN FEARING SINCE LAST FRIDAY. Turned out to be a damn good day.

Went early to set up posters. In the end they had too many ppl so me and woman went off to canteen two to eat. LOL. We ended up stoning most of the way till CATS time started. I was so reluctant and was I glad we reached before BP's group. Anyways, BP's group came in and nothing happened (: They started presenting and our eyes even met a few times luh! HAH. Anyways, we had to go off early and I tod them to wait for BP to finish presenting cos it was rude to leave halfway. IT REALLY IS! So we waited till he fnished presenting and then we went off and before we left his friend gave me the "Walau, leave halfway during our presentation..." look. LOL.

I was happy cos at least nothing happened. Helped Juo Wi with his reflections and then went off for S&W. Mr Eugene is an ass luh. LAst lesson and he cant make it. Took photos and was in a good mood. Waited really long for the bus BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!

Guess who stepped into the bus stop area? BP!!!! I was like ARGHHH! I saw him like the minute he was in view LOL. So he sa down in front of us and like I was aleady whispering to woman "BP BP BP!" and trying to act normal. Then I looked at him and he SMILED AND WAVED. WHOOPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WAHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! I was like bursting already while still trying to act normal cos he was sitting right in front of us. LOL. OMG, I tell you I went bonkers. Then he took 52 and didnt say bye ): HAHA, but I wasnt looking luh. HAHA. OMG OMG OMG OMG. I'm super happy luh. At least I know things are okay between us (:

So yes, I smiled my whole way home even till now (: He's calm, cool, collected and so so very eloquent (: He spoke so fast today. LOL. And like the teacher had to ask him to slow down XD And he has a script in his hand but he doesnt use it at all. He just speaks like that. URGH. CHARRRMING. Okay, enough (:

Pictures are on facebook. Not the gay club one yet though. TOO MANY! TSK. Okay, so yeah.

MC & BK; it'll never happen.

& wave my troubles away ;D

{ fin }

Today has been a waste of time.

Went with woman to walk around the WHOLE of ngee ann. Seriously. For NOTHING. HAHA. But yeah, we had nothing else to do!

Anyways, today's like a really bad day for me ): I was stuck on the bloody bus for so long cos of the bloody jam. Then I bought this drink that couldntbe opened so I had to buy another drink -.- Only tim could open the first one I bought XD Took bus home with woman and then waited for the bus and it never came so decided to just cab home but there wasn't a cab! So walked to another place to take cab.

I momentarily fell asleep on the cab and the uncle gave me a shock when he wanted to ask which way I want him to go -.- So embarrassing! ):

How SWAY am I luh.

Anyway, TOMORROW IS DA DAYYY! TANNING AT LONG LAST. CLUBBING AT LONG LAST ALSO! XD Should be fun uhhh (:

This is what you do when you're really really bored.

& your smile; I can never erase.

{ fin }

Hello world.

Exclusive to people who are here. I did recordings today -.- Call me ego. I just wanna hear how it sounds. LOL.

So far I've had pretty alright comments from people so yeah. Gotta put it out there right? LOL. OMG, this is ridiculous. Writing songs for a guy -.-

So anyways, I'm bored. LOL. Okay, no get to the point. First raw recordings of horrible guitar playing, mediocre singing and horrible recrding. LOL.

They dont know.mp3 - facades_sayso

Black panther final.mp3 - facades_sayso

& what I wouldn't give; to make you mine

{ fin }

Hello world (:

I'm feeling alright I guess (: I wrote a song about it so yeah (: HAHA.

Anyways, I finally step foot in ang mo kio hub after a million months. LOL. Went there with woman (: HAHA, seems like so long since we went shopping together! (: HAHA, anyways memories came back that's for sure but it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. OH finally got my bag today and I'm glad I bought it cos its really nice (: HAHA! And we bought long sleeve shirts! (: For presentation and everything else. SAME ONE UH. LOL. We look alike lah.Then woman bought herself some palms and you know what? The bag they gave her was the same kind of bag that came with my bag! Okay, damn funny. We really looked alike!

HAHA, woman and I bought each others' Valentine's gift today! XD But we're not gonna give it to each other till V day comes LOL. Tim's BIG pen. Anyways, it was a superbly fun day out with woman (: WHOOPEE. haha, cant wait for thursday! :D

Oh we also sat down at the bus interchange are and there was this old uncle -.- OH MAN, he was like giving us a lecture on like chosing the right guy as boyfriends and like eavesdropping on our convo -.- BAD UNCLE! XD

Anyways, in case you're wondering why I'm feeling so happy it because I came home, came online and black panther was online! AND it just reminded me of my dream last night XD But yeah, still not talking tsk. Ah wells (:

PATIENCE!

I guess its pretty serious this time if I can tell myself patience. I mean, marianne chan waits for no one. LOL. And I dont even think anything will come out of it after all the waiting. Ah well.

OH, and you know what? I got a shock thanks to Tarci today. He called to ask if I wanted a drink cos he was going drinking with jon and then he called and said "Hello, I'm black panther." Then I was like thinking huh? Khairul Hakim?! Cos they sound sort of alike. Then I thought I heard him say "No lah, I'm Bertram lah. Wanna go for a drink?" I was like WTF. HAHA, but yeah. All in my imagination. Its Tarci ): LOL. I wish ah.

URGH. Okay, picture time! (:

LOL. Glimpse of a girl I dont recognise.

For woman XD

My book (: Black panther's on the right.

LOL. From left to right: Woman's G2000 shirt, Woman's shoes, My bag, My G2000 shirt XD

LOL. She's holding my V day pressie and I'm holding her's XD

TADA! LOL. Happy and I dont know what I'd do without you.

HAHA, that's it ;D

& black panther; you're all that fills my mind.

{ fin }

Hello world.

I'll get my bag tomorrow for sure.

I'm sort of happy. Because black panther didnt block me. (: We're not talking but at least he didnt block me and you know what? I knew he was such a great guy (: WHOOPEE.

No, I dont hope for much. Just to admire from afar.

I prayed hard today. I asked God for only one wish. Just one because I was willing. And that'd be enough for me (: Ah well. Patience. That's what I'll do. Wait.

I've written 3 songs (: And one of them was made out of a poem wrote early last year and I played it for my mom and she said it sounded like a song for a girl. As in I'm singing it to a girl. I've succeeded then :D LOL. Anyways, one of them I titled black panther (:

Thursday and 31 days more (:

{ fin }