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{ Dreamer }
Definition:

1. a person who dreams.

2. a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.

3. a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.
{ Marianne }

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
It was always you.

{ Past. }

January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 October 2012 January 2013 March 2013 July 2013 August 2013 January 2014 September 2014 January 2015 July 2015

{ Saturday, August 22, 2009 }


It dawned on me today. I seriously cannot comprehend how one person can love another person that much anymore. I mean I used to be able to understand it fully but now, not anymore. I dont believe in love anymore.

I'm not saying I blame the person who took that faith in love from me but who else can I blame?

I mean after that one person, I never felt ecstatic about any other person. Not as much. I've never felt that surge of happiness. That feeling of wanting to see the person everyday, wanting to talk to the person everyday, wanting to feel that person everyday. I no longer feel all that after feeling it with that one person. I believe in love among friends. I swear I do. But passionate love between 2 beings? Not anymore. Somehow. I've lost it. The only thing that defined me as a proper person. Its gone.

I dont think many people know what I'm talking about. Its not happened to many I guess. I used to believe in so so much. I believed in love at first sight, I believed that one person can love another whole heartedly without boundaries. I believed in the romance.

Then I experienced something so strong I just cannot shake it off.

I felt so much. I felt electrified at each touch. I felt ecstatic spending every single minute with this person even when I was treated badly, I didnt care because I believed it was worth it. I felt a surge of happiness at the sound of that one particular voice. I felt my heart race so fast I thought I was going to die. I felt my heart beating strongly and furiously in my chest at the sight of one particular person. I felt so much that can hardly be described in words. Euphoric bliss would be an understatement.

Then this person left, and I never felt it again.

Never felt my heart beat strongly in my chest at the sight of someone. Never felt a surge of happiness at the sound of any voice. Never felt ecstatic spending time with anyone anymore. Never felt electrified at the touch of anyone. Not anymore. It was like I felt all that and when it was taken from me I could never feel again.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm still human. If I can still feel any positive feelings. If I can ever get pass this barrier.

I thought I felt something recently but it seems I've psyched myself out of it already and I've labelled him as FRIEND. And I honestly was so close to feeling all that but now, I dont even want to feel that anymore. Can anyone ever move me anymore? Can anyone say anything more to lift this dullness I'm feeling? Can anyone ever make my heart race that fast again? I really dont know. I tell others that love still happens, that they should fight for love. Yet here I am, giving up the opportunity.

I didn't know I had lost such a big part of myself by losing one relationship. Someone, anyone, move my heart.

Pixie Lott - Without you
I don't know what to say
I don't know what to say
Anymore cus its all been said before
And I don't know where you are
All I know is your far
And your not coming back
If this is how it goes
I tried but I dont know

I don't know if I like it
Without you, without you, without you,
Tell me how im supposed to make it
Without you, without you, without you
You got me crying tonight
Is this what its gonna be like
I try and act like im fine but I will never be right
Without you, without you, without you
Without you I don't know

Im not sure how to feel
Im not sure what is real
Anymore cus I never felt like this
Sometimes it hurts me so bad
Its the worst kind of sad
And I cant live like that
I don't wanna be alone
I tried but I don't know

I don't know if I like it
Without you, without you, without you,
Tell me how im supposed to make it
Witout you, without you, without you
You got me crying tonight
Is this what its gonna be like
I try and act like im fine but I will never be right
Without you, without you, without you
Without you I don't know

The one thing I do know
That I'm so sure of
Cus with you gone I'm lost
And I'm so confused I cant deal with it no more
Without you I cant see it, take this pain from me
So I can make room for you,
Cus you've been gone from me for too long
I don't know

I don't know if I like it
Without you, without you, without you,
Tell me how im supposed to make it
Witout you, without you, without you
You got me crying tonight
Is this what its gonna be like
I try and act like im fine but I will never be right
Without you, without you, without you
Without you I dont know

Without you I can't be without you.

& I dont know what to say; cos its all been said before.


{ fin }