Okay, so I will not be having any time at all to actually get this recap of 2011 done before the new year begins. So here I am to do it now. 2011 has been a roller coaster ride, really. Okay, month by month with only words.

January 2011

• J. 
• Struggling with my spiritual life and school. 
• At a point where I realised I had zero amount of motivation and I tend to give up on things halfway.

February 2011

• J. 
• Decided that J and I are impossible. 
• Met Weiliang aka Stranger. 
• Jim Sturgess! 
• GRADUATION! 
• Started drinking quite a bit. 
• The Civil Wars (: 
• Yes, Valentine's day spent in school dressed up as a man :D

March 2011

• GRADUATION CEREMONY.
•  'Eh, go take picture with Shaiz! I want my friends to be friends as well.' - Lanze Lau Jun Wei. 
• Became super close to Weiliang. 
• Trouble with parents.
•  Friend-zoning both J and Weiliang. 
• GREEN OR BLUE. 
• HEY ROSETTA! 
• I was looking for someone special because I was lonely but that was the wrong reasons. 
• So ended up not looking anymore.

April 2011

• Drowning myself in music 
• MUMFORD & SONS
• DEVENDRA BANHART
• JEREMY MESSERSMITH
• JASON MRAZ
• HEY ROSETTA!, etc etc...
• Got the job at Yishun. 
• Thought it was a blessing in disguise.

May 2011

• WORK
• Finalising Vietnam trip. 
• Many plans with Weiliang. 
• HAHA LOLS MAY IS BORING. 
• EWAN MCGREGOR :D

June 2011

• VIETNAMMMM! 
• SHAIZZZZ
• Movie dates :D 

July 2011

• Pissed off at work. 
• Super pissed. 
• Thoughts of quitting.
• 13th July 2011! 
• Fights with parents
• Awesome boyfriend.

August 2011

• HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO ME! :D 
• Awesome celebration but the boy in NS ): 
• Tough month adjusting to not seeing/hearing from the boy daily. 
• Hating the job to the core. 
• Loads of shit work. 
• Thoughts of quitting.  

September 2011

• JASON MRAZ CRAZE. (In every month actually but this month more than usual). 
• Meeting up with friends to get away from family & catch up. 
• Decision to quit this bloody fucking job. BEST. DECISION. EVER.
• Awesome weekends with the boy (:

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First time going to Shaiz's house today. Super nice house! And he's seriously living in luxury. Huge bed, tv with cable in the room. Nice black walls. Awesome stuff (:

Anyway, it's been a good weekend. No quarrels with the family, no disagreements with Shaiz and all round happiness besides me being sick.

Watched Sherlock Holmes at 3.20am Christmas Day. Fell asleep halfway, woke up and till now I have no idea what its about. HAHA. New Year's is coming!! :D Gonna spend it with the family.

I think its been such a long long time since I've felt this contented. I'm happy with every aspect of life besides my health. HAHA, it is pretty awesome to have such an amazing boy to be with me. It isn't easy, I'm not easy to love. And our circumstances make it even worse, with him being in the army and all. So little time to spend with one another but we're still hanging in there, still going strong. So 6 months soon, and I am just so so happy with him (:

I love you :D

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So sick for almost a week now but I think I'm getting better.

I think I could listen to my boy's voice till I fall asleep haha (: Always look forward to the end of the day where I get to talk to him.

I love you baby (:

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I love my boy (: So very much.

I won't lie. I feel apprehensive about making plans now because of our big fight. I'm afraid to make plans and then if they don't work out we're gonna end up completely back to square one. But I guess its not gonna make it any better if I just stop planning things for us.

And just a note to myself: Please open up my mouth and speak up before you lose everything.

Okay. 'Nuff said.

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Amazing (:

Me and my stupid mouth. All I had to say was I don't feel like going home and we were fine again.

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Today's the first time in this whole relationship where my negative feelings get in the way of me just going along with the flow.

I'm sorry but I can't stop my brain from working and it didn't stop. Not even the apologies and the nice words did anything to change it. And I really could have sworn that meeting him would make everything better.

I'm afraid. Afraid that my brain fucked things up. I just have a million thoughts running through my mind when I saw him tonight. I know without a doubt that I love him but something's not right and I think I know what it is. I feel like if I say anything this whole nice amazing relationship would turn out to be a facade, a smoke screen I made for myself.

And all these thoughts, I don't know how to even explain it to anyone. Its killing me. These thoughts are wearing me out, pulling me down. Drowning me. And once again, I'm watching myself sink. Watching myself ruin the one thing that I had full faith in.

Tell me how fucked up I am.

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Every wrong move costs me a little bit more than I can manage.
With every step I take, I take a little more damage.
And its come to a point where I feel disadvantaged.
What's more important? Which should I salvage.


As broken pieces shatter further,
With this heart growing colder.
With all these fears that grow stronger
I walk a line of enemies and strangers.

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My heart - like a pirate that has found treasure.
My heart - like a puzzle with no missing pieces.

And I thought I'd never feel my heart truly smile ever again but tomorrow marks 5 months of being in a committed relationship, of being with a truly amazing person.

& I will hold on hope (:

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Tired of these battles.

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Haha, no words to describe how much I love him (:

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Hello to anyone who's still actually reading this, which I believe is hardly anyone.

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