Today's the first time in this whole relationship where my negative feelings get in the way of me just going along with the flow.
I'm sorry but I can't stop my brain from working and it didn't stop. Not even the apologies and the nice words did anything to change it. And I really could have sworn that meeting him would make everything better.
I'm afraid. Afraid that my brain fucked things up. I just have a million thoughts running through my mind when I saw him tonight. I know without a doubt that I love him but something's not right and I think I know what it is. I feel like if I say anything this whole nice amazing relationship would turn out to be a facade, a smoke screen I made for myself.
And all these thoughts, I don't know how to even explain it to anyone. Its killing me. These thoughts are wearing me out, pulling me down. Drowning me. And once again, I'm watching myself sink. Watching myself ruin the one thing that I had full faith in.
Tell me how fucked up I am.
{ fin }