Seeing my friends getting engaged to their boyfriends makes me feel sad.
Not that I'm not happy for them or not happy with Shaiz right now but seriously, we're nowhere near being engaged and we are definitely not going to get engaged without either one of us loses all contact with the family.
Also, seeing my cousin bring her boyfriend every single family occasion makes me enraged at my own family. And also gets me so freaking upset.
I mean, he's a great guy and all but I just hate how every single person in the family assumes that he'll come for all the family gatherings, just takes him in as a part of the family. And my parents? They assume that he'll come to our house if she's coming and they welcome him with open arms. While my boyfriend? They don't welcome him into the house. They don't even care to talk to him and find out what kind of boy he is.
And all these is really upsetting me right now. I'm finally fucking happy with life and finally find a person who treats me right, who loves me with all his heart and I can't even be completely happy. And my family, well they call him my friend. Well, I hate it. Sometimes I really do ask myself why he has to be in a different religion. Why he has to be of a different race. Why am I in this relationship? Because honestly, there's hardly anything I can do about it and marriage/engagement is completely out of the question. I should just up and leave right now but I've already invested so much. And he really makes me so so happy.
So I continue knowing that the day will come when everything will just come to a standstill. A crossroad that'll leave both of us torn and completely fucked.
I want this to not exist but it does and one day, it'll all come true. Trust me, it will.
{ fin }