I think I've always wanted friendships that warms my heart. The kind that I can talk to and not feel frustrated at all. A group that I can just be myself and not keep feeling like I'm the odd one out.
I don't know how I survive for so long being this way. People think I'm this person who's a social butterfly. I'm not. I'm socially awkward, I don't know how to start conversations and continue conversations. But I think most of all, I always feel like I don't fit in. Somehow in some sort of cosmic worldly equation I manage to find myself as the odd number, the one number that sticks out. I don't think I'll ever find a place in the world where I'd feel like I completely belong but its okay.
I think it makes me who I am. Makes me okay with being alone, staring at the sky or the ground, having internal conversations in my mind. I'm not saying I like it because it makes human interactions difficult for me, it makes having relationships hard for me. Most times I can't put into words what I'm feeling or I just cannot explain to anyone else what I'm thinking or feeling and that just fucks up alot of my life.
Okay, I think I just really wonder why I never belong anywhere but by myself. Haha Can't help that I'm weird.
Enough ranting (:
Should start creating again.
{ fin }