As we ushered in the 2015, I felt a mixture of feelings. Feelings of sadness, feelings of joy, feelings of confusion an feelings of fear.
2014 has been an amazing year with everything going on in my life, its a wonder how I can still feel unhappy about it. I have the love story of a lifetime to tell. I've become a better friend in 2014. I have been challenged and faced up to those challenges with grace and maturity. And yet, I am unhappy.
Unhappy because I know what 2015 brings. Heart break. I know 2015 is going to be a year where I will be broken into a million pieces and only then will I be able to start reparation of myself.
I've experienced, for the first time in my life, what it feels like to be a cheater. Albeit not committing the crime itself, I came close to it. Feeling a connection and closeness so strong it confused me and threw me off guard. And knowing that if it had not been for the fact that I was attached, I would have fallen. Quickly and surely as I always do.
And that is the problem.
This is why I start 2015 with a heavy heart. A heart preparing itself for self-destruction. A heart preparing itself for isolation, for numbing and a heart that has to understand that it has broken another person. That things will end and it will be inevitable.
Thank you 2014 for the lessons learned, the experiences shared, the many pleasures I have been blessed with.
Heart, this is going to be a tough year but in the end, we always survive.
{ fin }